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advice needed - groom's bro's gf


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#11 amandalovesryan

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    Posted 29 January 2008 - 07:49 AM

    I agree with Amy, if you say anything, it might cause probs between you and FI. Good luck!
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    #12 becks

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    Posted 29 January 2008 - 10:52 AM

    This is a classic damned if you do, damned if you don't.

    My advice follows suit. Wait until AFTER Mexico. That is your moment to shine, don't muck it up with this kind of drama. Then when you're back tell GF that she's got 1 week to tell BIL what happenend or you will. And then schedule lunch or coffee or something with BIL so she knows your serious - and plan to take FH with you. If she tells him, then its just lunch and you and FH can be supportive if he needs a shoulder. If she doesn't then you and FH can tell him what happened.

    The important thing is that you make sure the message is not intended to be anything other than a statement of caring.

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    #13 Alyssa

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      Posted 29 January 2008 - 11:03 AM

      i agree with Lizz, i think you should call the girl and call her out on it.

      tell her that you are not ok with her basically cheating on FI's brother in front of you and expecting you to keep it secret.

      give her the chance to tell him first

      #14 boscobel

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        Posted 29 January 2008 - 11:10 AM

        I think he needs to know and you are right, he IS family now! He isn't just your FI's fam, but your's and he has a right to know. I like what has been said about waiting until after Mexico so uyou can have the wonderful drama-free wedding you deserve. Then let her know that you can't deal with it and you are telling him. Let her either step up or make you take the heat. Keep in mind that the saying "don't shoot the messenger" is there for a reason though. The FBIL will probably be mad at you. But the girl admitted that it wasn't the first time, so if I were you, I would def tell. We are grown-ups now (booooo, I know!), but we are and he should know what she does b/c it totally affects him.

        #15 DanielleNDerek

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          Posted 29 January 2008 - 11:19 AM

          Wow this is a tough situation. I think that fi should tell his brother. But maybe he should wait till after Mexico. Definately don't tell him during Mexico, that could ruin your time. It would be alotta Drama!

          I wonder why fi didn't get upset about, I would be so pissed if my bro was cheated on. I would talk to fi about it, tell him that you really think his bro should know what kind of girl he's involved with.
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          #16 1elephant

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            Posted 29 January 2008 - 07:55 PM

            thanks everyone :)
            fi said that if i really have a strong sense of moral obligation, then i should say something - after mexico...he wants nothing to do with it - they're really not that close, and it's b/c of her...he also said carly's exact words - don't shoot the messenger. i worry that if i wait till after mexico, the bro will be even more upset b/c he's paying for her to go...but if it's before, then there's still unwanted drama...(however,if it was someone else, i totally am the kind of bitch that would say it the day after the wedding in mexico).
            damn, i wish wish wish we had a pic of her in the act.

            #17 ErinB

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              Posted 29 January 2008 - 08:09 PM

              I say stay out of it, especailly before the wedding. BIL may already know what is going on if this isn't the first time she's done something like this. In my experience, most people with a cheating parter know it--it's whether they admit it.

              Your wedding is too close to cause a rift between you and your finacee. You will have enough on your plate that you don't need to worry about someone else and their actions.

              I do think you need to tell her (alone) that you do not agree with her behavior and you would appreciate it if she doesn't get hammered and make out with the band at your wedding.

              #18 jajajaja

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                Posted 29 January 2008 - 08:48 PM

                I suspect that FBIL probably already knows. If she is this careless to make out with a guy in front of YOU, then I doubt she has been too secretive other times. I mean you even confronted her in the bathroom and she still didn't care.

                I too, like to right wrongs. But I think for this case, I would confront her. I would tell her it's unfair of her to expect you to remain quiet. I would ask her that she tell FBIL. If you still feel the desire to tell him, then do so- after the wedding.
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                #19 jajajaja

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                  Posted 29 January 2008 - 08:49 PM

                  I suspect that FBIL probably already knows. If she is this careless to make out with a guy in front of YOU, then I doubt she has been too secretive other times. I mean you even confronted her in the bathroom and she still didn't care.

                  I too, like to right wrongs. But I think for this case, I would confront her. I would tell her it's unfair of her to expect you to remain quiet. I would ask her that she tell FBIL. If you still feel the desire to tell him, then do so- after the wedding.
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                  #20 FutureMrs.L

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                    Posted 29 January 2008 - 11:23 PM

                    I like what mauraw had to say. Don't do anything before the wedding or while in Mexico. I would take it up with the gf after the wedding in Mexico. See if you can get her to tell him herself. Put the guilt trip on her. This is a toughie!




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