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rachelia160

Guest Inviting Strangers To My Wedding?

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I didn't even really set a booking deadline--the money is due April 25, so people need to be booked by then, but besides that I've been pretty laid back about the entire thing, which is why I don't think it's too much to ask for the party to be booked in March--and everyone who we originally planned on IS booked! We have 5 bridesmaids and 5 groomsmen good to go (even the one he just asked six seconds ago was already booked because he's the brother of one of my bridesmaid's and his boss' son so their entire family is coming...we have very interconnected family relationships apparently!) but he kind of sprung the other friends on me and seemed put out when I more or less said "No they can't be in the wedding if they're not booked by then because I can't wait that long." But like you said, if they're not booked by then they probably won't be coming anyway so it probably won't end up making a difference.

 

I think you're exactly right about AI.  Some people are AMAZED and barely comprehend when I explain that they don't need to pay for food or drinks on the resort...but then the people who are already used to the idea or have been to one before seem to think that means the wedding is essentially free. We wish!!

 

That's so cute that you had friends thank you for the open bar--they must have been thrilled that the entire week was an open bar!  :D

 

 

 

 

I'm glad you agree! Like you said, it's no problem if he brings his friends to the resort--heck, bring 20 friends, makes no difference to me. It's YOUR vacation, but it's OUR wedding.  That sounds a little Bridezilla-y but I guess I gotta be firm at some point!

 

I'm glad you mentioned welcome bags too because I was already worried about that--I have 50 guests booked now and bought just enough supplies for 60 people. There's a chance that I could end up with closer to 60 INVITED guests, and  I really don't want to buy more supplies for univited strangers!

oh no. There's a reason why we set budgets for certain things. I would not include them in my count at all. Just those your FI and yourself want there. I know it'shard to be mean esp. if your always a kind hearted person but the bridezilla somtimes just needs to come out. LOL If you dont mind me asking, did you have other resorts in mind before picking jade? what made you pick jade? Im on a battle right now on 4 resorts to pick and its breaking my head.

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@@racht33 I'm such a people pleaser, which makes it SO hard to put my foot down about anything, but I guess I gotta suck it up!

 

I went on your profile and saw the topic you started about picking a resort, so I'll reply to your question there so you have everyone's opinion in one place :)

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I totally agree with Kim.  +one is one thing but inviting a group to attend is another!  It's one thing is you know them and would be cool with them attending.

 

I know most 18 year old boys probably would rather be at the club unsupervised than at your wedding so maybe give them an out.

 

Say something like "The location where we booked our ceremony and reception has a size limitation and I did not take into account that your family would invite 10 more people....Unfortunately it cannot accommodate that many more people. I am sure the boys would prefer to opt out of the wedding and just enjoy themselves."

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I agree with everyone else on this one! I would make it clear that they are welcome to come on the vacation, but they will not be attending any wedding festivities. I would doubt that the guys would care , they could probably have more fun on their on anyways!

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I think it gets a little tricky when parents are paying for part of the wedding like yours and mine are. My parents have some of their friends coming who had no problems inviting their adult kids and their dates without asking which is fine, but what didn't fly is when they didn't even know which kids were coming by the RSVP date. I got really upset but ultimately since it was up to my parents and they were very nonchalant about the whole thing, I had to just roll it. It really made buying oot bag stuff more costly.

 

For such smart people, a good chunk of them seemed to never think about the planning and number crunching I was doing ...

 

Going along with this, I still can't believe one of my friends had invited the guy she literally just started dating.. Ah craziness!

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I would be pissed and refuse.

 

Before you get anymore emotionally involved call your friends mother and seek clarity.

 

If in fact she is intending on bringing her son's two friends I would tell her "no" and they can entertain themselves doing something else on your wedding night.

 

Period.

 

Even with mom and dad footing your wedding bill there has to be some boundary.

 

Lol grrr

P.S. I'm a no nonsense person, if anyone RSVP after my March 1st deadline, they will not have a place setting at reception or a drink package. Seems stiff but I have to set boundaries.

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They probably don't even want to go to the wedding. They just want to drink and meet girls amongst themselves. Since your friend is his sister let her deliver the news. They are siblings she won't sugar coat it.

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I agree with you guys here, one thing is to give guests a plus one, and another is to have people invite others as they wish. I mean, that is unheard of for any wedding (or any formal event for that matter) and I still don't understand why people think DW are different. 

 

I would clarify with your mom's friend whether she's thinking this guy's friends will be coming to the wedding. If you don't want to confront her about costs because your mom is paying, maybe tell her that there's a limit for guests at the venue and you just can't have anyone else. Technically you could tell her that what she's doing is plain rude, hahah but if you're anything like me you'd never say that :P

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I actually wouldnt be too worried about it. The chances of teenage boys attending the wedding are slim to none. He probably asked for his friends to come so he can have someone his age to hang out with and enjoy his vacation with. Sometimes we have to remember that this is not just a wedding we are planning but asking people to spend money for a vacation. I think they should be able to choose how they want to spend it. Just get clarification if he will be attending the wedding and then say that you dont mind if they come, you just ask that they be ensured to know that they are not wedding guests. I have guests that invited their whole family, like their chidrena nd parents.  My in laws invited their friends that they normally golf and vacation with. I think it's fine. I told them to use my travel agent and to let me kn ow if they will be attending the wedding. 

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@rachelia160 - I'm sorry to hear that you're being put in this situation. It would definitely bother me if I were in your shoes. Of course, I don't know your family dynamic or the dynamic between you and your friend's/mom's friend's family, but my piece of advice would be to speak to the mother directly, and not go through your friend. I'm assuming that the mother was the one who gave the okay for her son to invite friends. If you want to be clear about your opinion in the matter, I think it's best to address the situation directly. You can even approach it lightheartedly and start off, "Well, this is kind of awkward..." It doesn't mean it has to be an overly serious discussion but she'd probably have the ultimate say in terms of communicating the plans with her son and his friends, so I think it's best to talk to her. As someone else mentioned, while your parents are paying for the wedding, it's still your wedding. Weddings are very personal events. You have to draw the line somewhere. I think it's only fair (to you).

Edited by JenniferH114

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