4 replies to this topic

[sarasam18]

Hey there!

 

I am having trouble deciding who I want to ask and how to go about this.... It's between 2 women. 1- My friend from high school. I wouldn't say we are "best friends" but she is definitely someone I want in my life for a very long time to come. We are the kind of friends where we could get busy, go 3 months without talking and then one day just pick it up at lunch like no time has passed. 2- My fiance's sister. I personally do not have a sister (if I did, this problem would be a no brainer). The 2 of us have had some problems getting along in the past. I find it weird because our personalities are very similar, we like all the same things and in theory one would say we could be best friends...But we are not. As hard as I try, I swear she is trying just as hard to push me away. Why would I want her to be my MOH then? Well, I feel it is the ultimate gesture of kindness and the just right thing to do. I mean we will be family whether she likes it or not. 

 

I have heard many stories from friends and family who had their best girl friend as their MOH and poof, 5 years down the road, she disappears!! Never to be heard from again. Recently, when we started to nail down our wedding date and the cruise line and such, my best friend of 11 years, bailed. She was distant all of the sudden lately and I knew something was wrong. So I started pushing her to get a straight answer of whether or not our cruise wedding would be something she could afford seeing how she is a single mom of 2 kids. Finally, she told me  I was expecting too much of her and that this isn't how a friend should act, we shouldn't be friends anymore and I haven't heard from her since. So, to say the least, the best friend thing is out. 

 

The other issue is I will only be having one attendant. We decided one person each to save of money for not only us but also those who would have been asked. We didn't want to burden people with the additional expense of dresses/suites and so on.

 

I really think the best thing to do is ask my future sister in law but I have a feeling she will say no. But after all the years I have been with my fiance and the amount of effort I have put into trying to build a relationship with his sister, I would be crushed if she said no. 

 

 Has anyone had an issue like this in the past? How did you deal? Did everything turn out OK? Any advise would be appreciated  

 

Sarah 

[EllDee]

Personally I went with the person I felt could tolerate my whining and stress best which is my best friend. I love my sister in-law but I feel more comfortable stressing and venting to my bff. I wouldn't want the added stress of the sister on  my big day. 

[acw271011]

I like the idea of the friend better as long as you're sure she'll be able to afford to go. The SIL sounds a bit too iffy for me and why would you want someone that is probably only going to give you grief and not go along with what you want? Just my opinion....

[SamanthaC]

I agree with both these ladies pick someone that will actually help with your stress levels and not add to them. Just because your SIL is going to be family doesn't mean she should be your MOH. Also if you think she would say no and you've already tried to have a good relationship with her then i would advise against it. She sounds like she wont have your best interest at heart.

 

I have 2 really good friends and i was having a hard time picking who would be my MOH i eventually decided that i didnt want to hurt either of there feelings by picking the other one so i asked my cousin who i am really close with if she would. She was so honored and cried and is so excited about it while my other to "really good friends" have both dropped the ball and won't even be attending anymore. 

[kellymiller]

I would go with the friend over the SIL. As you said, you don't have the best relationship and adding wedding stress to that might make things worse. She might not have your back when it comes times to need her help either. I picked by best friend from high school and our relationship is a lot like what you described above, we can go months without really talking and can pick right back up from where we left off. She is also the only person from my home town (besides my family!) that I actually keep in touch with.

 

I also had the thought of having a MOH that I actually still talk to 5 years down the road, but when it comes down to it, she is important in my life now and in the past, and was a positive force in my relationship with my FI, so I chose to honour that relationship!