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Did you ever second guess your decision to have a DW during planning?

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#1 brookph23

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  • 13 posts

    Posted 12 May 2013 - 04:27 AM

    I don't know exactly what board was right to post this on, but I am hitting a stage of the planning (wedding is Sept '13) where I am second-guessing my decision to have a destination wedding.  I think I am fearing all my hard work and money spent will be for nothing if people don't show up, and we will sort of feel silly for our own wedding.  It is a major fear for me, and I think it is for my fiance without him directly wanting to admit it to me for fear I will be upset or worried.  I just sense something off during the planning in the last month.  I am wishing we would have just bit the financial bullet a little more and planned it at home.


    Our reasons for going away were for him, mostly financial (he believed it would be less expensive and an easy way to cut our guest list from 250+ and $60 a plate at home, to 50 or 60 without offending anyone).  I wanted to do something different and unique and beautiful but also with people closest to us.


    We are planning this in the Outer Banks, and rented a nice beach house to have a private party at.  I hired a coordinator but she is limitedly of any help and my mom and I have done 99% of the work and details ourselves from about 500 miles away.


    I just wondered if anyone else has felt this way mid-way thru planning or anytime where they second guessed their decision - maybe you weren't getting the response you hoped for, the RSVPs or people cancelled.  I just don't want my fiance to feel like we went to all this work and trouble and nobody shows!  Its hard not to go to all the work and trouble if people say they are coming, and it is your wedding after all... although you never know if they will actually make it there. How did you deal with any stress or worry like this throughout, and how did it end up going after all? -- or are you dealing with this now?


    I feel like we cant really change anything some people have booked beach houses around us already, and my mom has already paid for our reception house.


    Thanks all :) :)

    #2 agm04

    • Member
    • 548 posts

      Posted 13 May 2013 - 12:27 PM

      I understand where you're coming from.  The only time I really felt this way was when a few of my really close friends couldn't make it.  2 of them due to pregnancies, and one due to "financial constraints" (really it just wasn't/isn't a priority for her, which hurts).  My mom has reminded me along the way that the people who are there are the people who wanted to be there badly enough to spent the time, money, and effort to be there - and that means a lot.  Try to focus on that and you will feel better I think!  And truly, at the end of the day, all that matters is that the 2 of you will be married.

      #3 Miss J

      Miss J
      • Jr. Member
      • 182 posts

        Posted 24 May 2013 - 09:54 AM

        Hope your planning is going well and that you feel you've made the right decision about where to have your wedding.


        Its a tricky one (me and OH have chosen to have a secret wedding, head off on honeymoon and throw a party when we return) To me, the honeymoon is more important than having a massive wedding reception, and since Im not from Ireleand,  I was a bit worreid that all my friends might not be able to make the wedding. A destination wedding (with guests) was really out of the question, since we live in Ireland and the cost is too much to expect people to join us for a wedding in the Caribbean. Could of course have gone to Spain or Croatia or somewhere else in Europe, but we can go there anytime, & I want something more exotic for our honeymoon!


        People can be so slow at RSVP to invites though! I work in the events department in a hotel and we often get Bride & Grooms checking to see who have booked rooms for their wedding as not all guests tell the hosts that they are attending! 


        I hope you have a Fabulous day and that all the people that matters to you are able to join in your celebrations :)

        #4 ArtisticBride

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        • 16 posts

          Posted 29 May 2013 - 02:01 PM

          Oh, I TOTALLY know how you are feeling - I think all of us brides stress way too much!  I wanted to do a Destination Wedding because i wanted a small intimate wedding with my closest family and friends and above all I thought it would be very easy to plan and less expensive....totally NOT the case! lol. 

          I think the hardest part for me is when I have a "picture" in my head of how I want everything to be and then I get an email from my wedding coordinator that throws me off.  I find these big resorts are not too accommodating with requests or they want to charge you outrageous amounts of $$ for extra stuff.  It can be very discouraging for sure :(

          I'm sure it all works out in the end - I've read so many other brides who get so worked up and then they post their reviews and pictures and they had a fabulous time.  (At least that's what I keep telling myself!)  hahaha.

          Good luck and try and stay positive!!

          #5 StephLB

          • Jr. Member
          • 171 posts

            Posted 30 May 2013 - 06:00 AM

            I haven't even booked anything yet and I'm already second guessing myself. I feel like it's worth it though, to get the wedding I want and the honeymoon I want.

            #6 shannonmarie

            • Member
            • 683 posts
            • Wedding Date:June 14, 2013
            • Wedding Location:Now Jade Rivera Cancun - Pergola
            • LocationCharlotte, North Carolina

            Posted 30 May 2013 - 06:06 AM

            I do not at all. I couldn't imagine having a traditional, local wedding. I am sad that a few people I love won't make it, but I would plan a DW again in a heartbeat!

            62 guest booked, plus Bride and Groom!

            #7 ucfjennifer

            • Jr. Member
            • 185 posts
            • Wedding Date:April 26, 2014
            • Wedding Location:Cozumel, MX
            • LocationOrlando, FL

            Posted 30 May 2013 - 02:58 PM

            Nope! This wedding is exactly what we want and several people have told me that it fits us perfectly. I know that not everyone will be able to join us, but I know the ones that truly want to be there will be!

            #8 brownsugarbride

            • Member
            • 599 posts

              Posted 31 May 2013 - 05:02 AM

              In the beginning, I thought I would have my wedding at home so that I could have the exact music I wanted, the exact officiant, etc.. But then I realized that, ironically, a destination wedding would allow me to have the wedding that I wanted, that reflected my FI and I (and our friends and family from all around the U.S. and abroad) and be able to do it on a reasonable budget. I admit that I'm a bit frustrated now with finding the right venue, but I would have the same problem here at home. I'm so glad that FI and I are starting our lives together in such a fabulous way that rings true to who we are.

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