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advice with my girlfriends who aren't in the wedding

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#1 kellip17

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    Posted 24 September 2012 - 02:59 PM

    Hi ladies.  I'm having only 2 bridesmaids in my wedding.  However, here is the kicker- I've been a bridesmaid 9 times.  The good news about this is that I have some great girlfriends!!  The bad news is that I feel a little bad that I haven't asked them to be in my wedding.   So, I'm thinking about sending an email to my girls, inviting them to go dress shopping with me.  I would like to include something in the wording about how I'm having a small wedding party but still want them to feel included.  Not sure how to word that though.  Basically, what is a nice way of saying  your not in my wedding b/c I'm keeping it small but I still love you and want you included?  Also- is it going to be too crazy of a dress shopping experience if I have a whole group of people? We are talking around 8 or 9 people.   I appreciate your help!!

    #2 Tulumbride2013

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      Posted 24 September 2012 - 03:45 PM

      I do think 9ppl is quite a large shopping entourage ! But not uncommon i Would think? Maybe they can help out in other ways as well. Ceremony reading? Diy projects? I went through the same thing, I only have one BM.

      #3 mrsnova

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        Posted 24 September 2012 - 08:49 PM

        I felt the same way! I only chose my two sisters and best friends for bridesmaids because like you, I wanted to keep it small and simple. I was just my friends BM last summer and felt bad excluding her. I just made sure to tell all my friends that we were keeping it very small and that they only difference is that they will be standing up there and buying a dress but I am including all the girls in the wedding/events.


        I explained that because it is a destination wedding we will all be getting ready together and spending that special time. I guess it just depends how many friends you have that will be there! In the end some peoples feeling might be hurt (which I don't really understand because I wouldn't take offense) but you can't please everyone  and the most important person to please is yourself..on your special day :)

        I think you should keep the dress shopping to a smaller crowd because you don't want too many opinions lol. That said, you want to share that special time with those you are close with.

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        #4 Ty Roane

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          Posted 24 September 2012 - 09:07 PM

          I would do like others said and include them in activities (DIY dates, Girls Night Out), what I have decided was to do a special day at one of my favorite stores (LUSH Cosmetics).  It is fairly inexpensive ($200 for 8 ppl) but everyone gets a $25 gift card to spend (so really no charge!) They will all get makeovers and we will have light drinks and snacks.  It will be myself, my MOH, 4 bridesmaids, a good friend who is my photographer & another friend who is making all the jewelry.

          #5 Speckles121

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            Posted 25 September 2012 - 04:55 AM

            I had a hard time with deciding who my bridesmaids were going to be..I was in a friends wedding a couple years ago and we aren't as nearly as close as we use to be so I decided not to ask her but ask her to do a reading during our ceremony. She is coming to the wedding..but I have a friend who've been friends with since high school but she moved across the country 2 years ago and we barely talk and she assumed she would be in the wedding and I did not ask her. So needless to say we don't talk anymore at all. It honestly was hard choosing who should be and shouldn't without it being overboard!

            #6 Katryne

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              Posted 25 September 2012 - 05:43 AM

              hmm I think like others.. since it's not a huge wedding you're going for a small wedding party.  I'm not having any bridemaids as I keep joking, I don't want more people standing than people sitting..  I would use that as an excuse.  And as others have said, having a destination wedding, you get to spend more than one day with everyone!  Good luck and I hope it goes over smoothly!

              #7 DestinationGirl

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                Posted 25 September 2012 - 06:31 AM

                I would just make sure to emphasize that since its a small group going that every single person is important and that is why they are invited/attending.

                #8 Kay6356

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                Posted 22 October 2012 - 11:31 AM

                I think your idea of asking them to come dress shopping with you is a great idea!  Girls no one should feel guilty, it is your day and TRUE friends would understand.....

                #9 agm04

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                  Posted 24 October 2012 - 08:36 AM

                  So glad I'm not the only one!  I have been a bridesmaid 7 times.  All of my friends whose weddings I was in are invited (so far 2 can't come due to 2nd pregnancies - I guess that's what happens when you're the old maid of the group!  Haha I'm kidding, I'm only 30, but everyone got married really young), but only my sister will be standing with me.  In addition to the 7 weddings I've been in, I've lived in 3 different places - most recently NYC, where I have several really close friends (who are single).  Plus my fiance has 2 sisters.  My point is that I'd end up with 12 bridesmaids if I went that route, and I just can't deal with the chaos, and people would be trying to help me from all over the US.  Plus, this way, my friends don't have to worry about the added expense of being a bridesmaid and can just focus on enjoying their vacation.  I'll still get lots of time with them.  I get the vibe that a couple of people are hurt about it, but no one has said anything, and I really think people understand when they stop to think about it.  


                  If you have events you can still involve them in, awesome!  For me, that would be too many people to take dress shopping.  But if you're less of a people pleaser, and will still be able to focus on what YOU like, then go for it!

                  #10 EmbellishMe

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                    Posted 09 November 2012 - 10:37 AM

                     It's definitely great to find out that you're not the only one, thanks for this post!! I've been a bridesmaid twice and a maid of honour twice plus I have another close friend too.  This certainly doesn't seem like many compared to 9 and 12...WOW!!  I'm only having a maid of honour and 1 bridesmaid though and I'm having a hard time deciding who will be my bridesmaid which I suppose will depend on who can make it, right?  I think it will be a bit hard to not hurt my friends feelings but I really like the idea of including them in other ways, especially with the dress shopping.  I personally don't want to take everyone with me, I think it would be just too many opinions and I'm not sure I want to hear them all, lol!  I think you would be very brave kellip17 to take 8 or 9 ladies dress shopping with you :)  I'm sure now you've already went dress shopping...how did it go?  Did you take all 9 ladies?  Thanks again!

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