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Are some of your friends and family avoiding you since you mentioned a DW?


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#1 SparksFly

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    Posted 12 March 2012 - 07:03 AM

    I just wanted to see if this is a common issue.

     

    I went to a family wedding on my fiance's side last weekend. I sat at a table with his aunt, and she did not mention the wedding once, while some good family friends who were also at our table could not stop asking about it! This aunt also had asked me outright at Thanksgiving why I wasn't having a wedding in DC like her son and FDIL. Um, sorry? With my budget I didn't want to have a cheap-o wedding like them? (obviously didn't say that, but it was what I was thinking).

     

    I also have my little sister in my sorority who was in DC last weekend and did not call me at all. She does have other friends down here, and maybe she was super busy, but not even a phone call? I have been to NYC 3 times in the last year and a half, and always called her or let her know I was coming. The only reason I found out, is through facebook when one of her friends posted pictures...

     

     

    Is anyone else having issues with people avoiding them? I don't want people to avoid me because of the DW. If you can't come, I understand...

     

     



    #2 monicak

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      Posted 12 March 2012 - 07:13 AM

      Sounds familiar!  I had family / friends that never mentioned or asked questions about my wedding!  It was like - maybe if they didn't mention it to me, they thought I would forget I had invited them.  You will see people's true colors throughout this process.  You will be shocked at who ends up going and not going to your wedding.  Some people will say they are booking the trip the day they get the invitationa and then you will never hear from them again (my wedding was 8 months ago).  Then the ones who didn't RSVP or didn't end up going won't even say Congrats to you after in order to avoid talking about it.  After the whole thing, I'm even more happier I didn't drop $30 - $40 grand on a wedding feeding people chicken in Boston that didn't even bother to acknowledge my destination wedding.  Having a destination wedding was the best decision we made :)



      #3 TATrisha

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      Posted 12 March 2012 - 07:25 AM

      I definitely had that problem.  It was really that they felt bad that they weren't coming.  Whether they couldn't afford it or they just didn't want to spend their money on a trip, they couldn't come.  They felt bad about it and didn't want to talk about it at all or make me feel bad for having a wedding where they couldn't come.  It was super weird and hard for me to understand, but I would just talk about other things.


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      #4 Jamie5280

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        Posted 12 March 2012 - 07:29 AM

        uugghh!!!  seriously story of my life!  I don't have one "friend" coming to our wedding, so therefore I have decided I don't have one true friend.  They avoid or send me e-mails (if I'm lucky) of their excuses or their excuse is on their RSVP card.  This wedding has seriously led me to believe that I really don't have any friends, I will probably never forget / forgive some people so, if they avoid me now, it's for the best, as I don't have anything nice to say anyways!  HA!!! 

         

        I have been waiting for one surprise guest to book and it's just not going to happen.  In my case the only people meant to be at my wedding is my immediate family. 

         

        I say that you let those people be, they aren't being true friends anyways.  I have driven myself crazy trying to maintain friendships with people that just don't feel the same way, it's just not worth the time and tears.  It's true, that people show their true colors when it comes to a wedding. 

         

        However, I hope people start changing their tunes toward you soon! 

         

         



        #5 ChocoTaco7568

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          Posted 12 March 2012 - 08:14 AM



          Originally Posted by Tlseege 

          I definitely had that problem.  It was really that they felt bad that they weren't coming.  Whether they couldn't afford it or they just didn't want to spend their money on a trip, they couldn't come.  They felt bad about it and didn't want to talk about it at all or make me feel bad for having a wedding where they couldn't come.  It was super weird and hard for me to understand, but I would just talk about other things.


           

          +1. 

          We didn't extend an invite to anyone that we didn't deem to be true friends (no close acquaintances); we didn't see the need for "filler people" to be there. And we limited our guest list to immediate family (no aunt's/uncles or cousin). We don't have a close relationship with most of our extended family but felt that we couldn't just invite a select few without creating unnecessary family drama . The friends and family who can't attend our wedding are due to financial constraints. While they don't avoid us, they don't really talk about our wedding at all, nor do we bring it up.  But there hasn’t been any change in my relationships or awkwardness with those who cannot attend. The reality is, no matter where we get married, it would have been a destination wedding for the vast majority of our guests. My Fi and I live in OR, he’s from MT, I’m from PA and most of our friends live in WA.      



          #6 monicak

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            Posted 12 March 2012 - 08:22 AM

            @ Jamie5280 - I feel the same way.  I had one "friend" come through, my maid of honor.  So I hear you!  We had 30 guests in total, immediate family was a majority and it really made me appreciate that they came through.  Friends come and go, and relationships change.  Either way, you will have a blasts with the guests who make it there :)



            #7 SparksFly

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              Posted 12 March 2012 - 08:57 AM



               

              Originally Posted by monicak 

              Sounds familiar!  I had family / friends that never mentioned or asked questions about my wedding!  It was like - maybe if they didn't mention it to me, they thought I would forget I had invited them.  You will see people's true colors throughout this process.  You will be shocked at who ends up going and not going to your wedding.  Some people will say they are booking the trip the day they get the invitationa and then you will never hear from them again (my wedding was 8 months ago).  Then the ones who didn't RSVP or didn't end up going won't even say Congrats to you after in order to avoid talking about it.  After the whole thing, I'm even more happier I didn't drop $30 - $40 grand on a wedding feeding people chicken in Boston that didn't even bother to acknowledge my destination wedding.  Having a destination wedding was the best decision we made :)



               Thanks for the prospective monicak! I am happy I am doing the DW because its what I always wanted (a big party for a few days at the beach), but maybe I should have only invited family to avoid disapointment from my friends.



              #8 loreli79

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                Posted 12 March 2012 - 09:51 AM

                My future in-laws not only didn't come to my bridal shower, but they didn't even have the respect to respond to my mother who sent an invite and followed up with an email. Unbelievable! I love these people who think they can act a certain way towards us because of our wedding choices, yet have no financial involvement what so ever. It's my opinion that if the bride & groom are solely footing the bill for the wedding, the bride & groom get to call all the shots. And no one can say anything about it!

                 

                 



                #9 SparksFly

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                  Posted 12 March 2012 - 10:02 AM

                  It's like his aunt can't even send her RSVP yet. I offered to pay her expenses for the wedding back in January, and she couldn't give me a straight answer. So I booked my FI's mother's flight and hotel without his aunt ( they were going to stay in one room together). I really hope she doesn't expect me to pay for her hotel or airfare now. It's honestly getting too expensive, and my offer was now or never type of deal.

                   

                  I already got a feeling she thought I was a spoiled brat from first meeting her. Having a destination wedding probably just added to that thought.



                  #10 ntlsnow

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                    Posted 12 March 2012 - 10:09 AM

                    I have had these problems too! You know what they say, weddings bring out the best and the worst in people. I have been avoide by some people as well. In my opinion, I am so laid back and if people cannot make it, they just cannot make it. But don't avoid me, just tell me you cannot go! You know? It is very frustrating dealing with these people. It is almost like we have the plague because we chose to do a destination wedding! Guess what, that is what we wanted, I am sorry I didn't throw you a $40,000 party, geesh! (sarcasm!) LOL! I bet most brides here deal with it, that is what I love about this forum...finding out amazing informtion, and venting to people that completely understand!! You are not alone. :-)






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