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No Kids -- Need advice!!!


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#11 michelle08

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    Posted 20 September 2007 - 09:54 AM

    Okay...so this can really be a sore subject apparently. I think everyone needs to realize that we all have our opinions and what might be right for one couple may not be right for another.

    In my personal opinion...YES, by having your wedding a destination one where people have to travel they may want to bring their kids with them for a number of reasons (want to vacation with them, don't want to leave them home, etc...) and that is perfectly fine, afterall they are spending their money on their vacation and they get to dictate who comes on their vacation.

    However, the wedding is a different story. If you choose to not have children at your wedding, weather it's at home, or far away then that's your choice and I think you are entitled to that. In this particular situation it's a result of safety and I completely understand that! Guess who is signing the contract to accept liability if something happens...you are! So you need to feel comfortble and protect yourself!

    This may be their vacation for the year, but they are taking it because of your wedding that you are paying for etc...If they can't or don't want to abide by your decisions to not have children at the wedding itself, and they don't feel comfortable leaving their kid with a hotel sitter or they can't bring someone with them to watch them for the one night...then I'm sorry but maybe this isn't the vacation they should take this year.

    It's a hard situation because my fiance and I have been through this a little bit and I'm not the most sensitive person, but the first instinct when planning any of this has been to think of our guests because "they are traveling all this way for us". While I do appreciate that and respect that, at the same time, no one is forcing them to come! Yes, I want them there and yes, I want to cater to them to the best of my ability and make it a nice stay for them, but I can't please everyone and I sure shouldn't have to change a vision I may have had for my wedding day. It's about compromise really! This is just my opinion!

    So bottom line, I think you should give them a heads up and tell that that you noticed on the response card 3 people and were wondering who the third person was. Don't assume it's the kid at first, let them tell you and then if they say their kid, just reiterate the policy you and your fiance laid out there and they either accept it or they don't.

    #12 Jessica

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      Posted 20 September 2007 - 10:02 AM

      Hmm, from my understanding the original poster isn't saying people can't bring their children on the trip, just doesn't think it's best to bring them to the actual wedding. And it's not because she doesn't want kids there, just thought it would be unsafe.

      I personally wish people would have brought their kids to our wedding. No one did! I was bummed.

      #13 Sarah

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        Posted 20 September 2007 - 10:02 AM

        This is definitely a touchy subject, and has definitely been hashed out before:
        http://bestdestinati....n-wedding.html

        But, in reference to the original question, I think if you've set a precedent (whether or not it's one I agree with!) you should stick with it, otherwise you're going to have some pretty upset relatives.

        #14 michelle08

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          Posted 20 September 2007 - 10:19 AM

          Quote:
          Originally Posted by JessicaLovesBrian
          Hmm, from my understanding the original poster isn't saying people can't bring their children on the trip, just doesn't think it's best to bring them to the actual wedding. And it's not because she doesn't want kids there, just thought it would be unsafe.

          I personally wish people would have brought their kids to our wedding. No one did! I was bummed.
          I edited my response above. I realize they aren't saying they can't bring their children on the vacation...no one can dictate that if they are paying for it and why should they...the vacation would be fun with the kids and I think the kids should go on the vacation with them ( I am trying to persuade my friend to bring her 11 month old...to the wedding too).

          It's just that in my experience, parents aren't always comfortable with leaving their kid with a hotel sitter (stranger) even for a few hours so it could turn into an all or nothing situation.

          Sorry for the confusion. My main point (I tend to ramble) was that she needs to do what is right for them! :)

          #15 chicago88

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            Posted 20 September 2007 - 01:24 PM

            I would call them right away and find out why the RSVP says 3 and like everyone else said, reiterate that you and FI have decided no children. Stick to it!!

            As far as not wanting children at your wedding, it's your wedding, you should call the shots!

            Let us know how they respond.



            Therese & Jay
            Riu Ocho Rios, Jamaica2.15.08
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            #16 LCBride2007

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              Posted 20 September 2007 - 01:29 PM

              maybe they were just letting you know that the 3rd (the child) would be coming on the trip - maybe they don't intend on bringing them to the wedding afterall. i'd definitely talk to them, just to clear things up - hopefully it's not a huge deal!

              #17 diana2008

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                Posted 20 September 2007 - 01:51 PM

                This is definitely a topic that stirs up a lot of emotions! We're not having childern at our wedding (or rehearsal dinner/welcome dinner, for that matter), but we totally understand if some people decide not to come at all because of that. Every guest needs to do what's best for them, and we've decided early on that we can't let our feelings get hurt if some people don't come, for whatever their reason is.

                I understand that Cabo is a vacation destination, but I have a hard time with the idea that since it's a destination wedding, you should reconsider your policies, etc. Frankly, I live in LA, and all of the East Coast weddings I've been flying to are much more of a destination for me than the 2.5 hour flight from LA to Cabo! And it really won't cost anyone any more than it costs us to go to NYC and stay in Manhattan for a weekend wedding. So IMO it's equally acceptable to have a no children policy, no matter which city/country you have your wedding in.

                The way I look at it is - I checked with my absolutely most important people (2-3 best friends and family) before I booked my date and decided on these things to make sure that they could make it. All other guests, however many come, are icing on the cake of what will be a wonderful celebration. I'm excited to have as many of them come as possible, but if they need to skip it b/c of my child policy, then that is totally ok.
                Diana & Robert
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                #18 starchild

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                  Posted 20 September 2007 - 02:50 PM

                  Quote:
                  Originally Posted by NurseSarah

                  I think if you've set a precedent (whether or not it's one I agree with!) you should stick with it, otherwise you're going to have some pretty upset relatives.
                  Quote:
                  Originally Posted by michelle08
                  My main point (I tend to ramble) was that she needs to do what is right for them! :)
                  Yes and yes, I agree with you both. Peace be with the forum...

                  #19 Christine

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                  Posted 20 September 2007 - 03:53 PM

                  Okay Ladies, as many people have said this is an issue that everyone is obviously feeling very strongly about and we have worked really hard to create a helpful, happy, and peaceful forum, so please let's end the arguement and understand that everyone has their own opinions about this...
                  Christine + Will (married 7/20/07) + Ainsleigh (born 6/25/08) + Nolan (born 11/9/10) + Delaney (born 12/31/13) = One Very Happy Family!

                  #20 TammyWright

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                  Posted 20 September 2007 - 04:17 PM

                  Quote:
                  Originally Posted by NABUMBAH
                  wow, seriously? No one said that you had to make special accommodations, but the fact of the matter is that unless you are shelling out the cash for each of your guests' travel I think that you're entirely out of line. If your guests choose to (or choose not to) bring their kids, that's absolutely their choice, just as it's their choice to attend your wedding. This debate seems all to similar to the "should I pay for my off-property guests" debate.

                  The bottom line is this. When you decide to have a DW it's no longer your DAY. It's someone else's vacation time, money, and effort that they've extended toward being with you. In my NOT SO HUMBLE opinion, it's just in bad taste and awfully presumptuous to tell your guests with children that they can't choose to enjoy the vacation in whatever way that suits their family best. That's not to say that you can't have adults' only events, but to ask them to not bring children at all is just too much.

                  And for the record, I am child free, and have no interest in having kids at this time. As I mentioned, when my husband and I were going to get married locally, we fully intended to have an adult reception. The last thing that I wanted was a bunch of kids running around, monopolizing the dance floor, and their parents' attention. When we moved our wedding to Mexico, we realized that was no longer a reasonable request.

                  The kids that were around for our wedding were not at all obnoxious, and their parents understood and took necessary action to make sure that they [the parents] could enjoy the party without having to worry. In our case, they hired babysitters and sent the kids upstairs during the reception. I didn't even mention this ahead of time simply because I knew that I would enjoy the party the same, with or without kids. And 6 months out, I am so glad that I didn't stress out over this because with the perspective of time I realize how totally inconsequential it was.

                  For the record the whole "It's my Day" argument doesn't sit well with me either. It's not your day. It's a day for you, for your fiance, for your relationship, your parents, siblings, your extended family, friends, and perhaps most importantly, depending on your belief, for G-D.

                  good luck to you.
                  i really have to agree with tasha here...but i never thought my wedding day was just for me...there was so much more at stake...family, friends, etc that i wanted to accomodate as much as i could...but to each their own

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