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Am I doing this wrong?

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#1 fmsmith

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    Posted 21 July 2011 - 12:31 PM

    So I've been engaged for almost a month now- and we've decided (well I decided) on 12-12-12 for our DW and we are going to have an AHR on NYE... 


    While we want most of the traditional experiences - we want our trip to be more fun than anything and since we are having the AHR all the mess after the ceremony isn't really important to us- is that bad? I understand everyone is different, but if we didn't have some sort of reception after the ceremony there would that be wrong? Aside from just dinner with our guests? Speaking of we are only looking at about 20 people - max...we have a very short list of those that can behave themselves well enough to go with us- haha. Family is not coming to say the least! 


    Everything I'm reading on here talks about the reception following and how extravagant everything was...is that necessary or am I just wasting money for an intimate ceremony with very little frill? Is that ok? All of our guests are married couples who never get to travel so this will definitely be a vacation for us all...it seems fine to me- but maybe I'm wrong? 


    Another note: I need help picking a resort- :) Some of the ones I had narrowed it down too- had 0 reviews on here bc no-one had been...that scares me!! Looking into the RM and PDC areas- somewhere with less than 400 rooms preferably - all inclusive - with golf and spa options as well as some tours/excursions..the wedding package isn't that big of a deal- as long as it includes ceremony site, chairs, and officiate :) Plus I've read that alot of the spas- split the bridal party up when doing hair and nails...has anyone found one that doesn't? If we do decide to splurge- I want us to be together!?!


    Thanks ladies-! I'm so glad I found this forum and so is the FI!! :)

    #2 martin

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    • 343 posts

      Posted 26 July 2011 - 04:17 PM

      Hi there

      Congrats and happy planning!

      You know that is bad luck the groom see the bride before the wedding may be thats the reason they divide you.

      I know that some little resorts make more private your wedding and with this you can get your massage in your room.

      Your wedding has to be like you wish, so try to get in contact with some resorts that you like and ask them all this questions.


      Best Regards


      Aida Navarro


      Our Team


      Astrid & Martin






      #3 Coco YUL

      Coco YUL
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        Posted 26 July 2011 - 04:40 PM



        It's your day so do as you please... We are legally getting married before our DW so family members who can't come will still be there for our legal marriage :)



        #4 JayKay

        • Sr. Member
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        • Wedding Date:January 13, 2012
        • Wedding Location:Gran Bahia Principe Runaway Bay Jamaica
        • LocationSouthern Alberta

        Posted 26 July 2011 - 04:47 PM

        Congrats on your engagement!!  It is your wedding day and you can do whatever you want to do! Most resorts are pretty accomodating in regards to what your dreams and wishes are for your wedding day.  Good luck with choosing a resort!!

        #5 jlarruda

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        • 201 posts

          Posted 26 July 2011 - 05:03 PM

          Congrats on your engagement! ultimately, its your wedding so do what you want to do.  I can see where you're coming since you're having a AHR but what is your wedding day going to be to you, the one at the resort correct? your guests will be paying a lot of money to travel so if its within your budget, I wouldn't do a wedding with all the "frill" but definetly treat them in a way since they're spending money on this trip.  From all the info I've seen about the AHR, those are the ones you don't spend as much time planning as you are planning your actual wedding.

          #6 J-me

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          • 398 posts

            Posted 26 July 2011 - 05:36 PM

            As the others have pointed out, it is your wedding so do as YOU envision it to be! We are splurging more for the DW itself and not doing an AHR at all - for us, we didn't want to plan TWO big events so we just invited all of our close friends & fam to our DW (we expect about 60-75 ppl).


            For the resorts, when we picked ours in the Riviera Maya, we did a site visit with several in the area (Grand Velas, which is breathtakingly beautiful, Aventura Cove/Spa Palace, Azul Sensatori, and Playacar Palace). All were truly wonderful, but we went with ACP (Aventura Spa has a GREAT spa for your girls to get ready together!) But, ACP/ASP is larger than what you may be looking for. Check out Playacar Palace, as it's smaller & Palace has a great promo right now for resort credits (to be used towards spa, golf, wedding package, excursions, etc.). A few others that are great to check out, but are adults only (we had kiddos in our group so couldn't) - Le Reve, The Royal, Secrets Maroma, & El Dorado Maroma.


            Hope this helps a bit - happy planning! :)



            #7 torilynnsmith

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              Posted 26 July 2011 - 06:10 PM

              I think it is very important to do what you want so that being said NO you are not doing anything WRONG!  I can only provide my personal opinion and some insight into what we are doing.  


              We have chosen to forgo the AHR, I have absolutely no interest in doing one, everyone is invited to our DW and if they can't make it we just expect their well wishes to be with us.  I feel too many people will perceive it as a gift grab (not true as we dont want ANY gifts), or question why we are doing an AHR and not just getting married at home as well.  Also FI and I live in a different city from both our families, both families live in different cities from one another and we spent 5 years in another province together where the majority of our close friends are, that being said an AHR would involve travelling anyways!  Both our parents may host a small get together at their homes upon our return but we have left that to them and will not be involved in anyway, it will be more a get together than a wedding reception!


              We have always wanted a DW and that being said those that can come GREAT and those that cant, NO WORRIES!!!! The wedding is about us and what we envision it to be, since our guests that are coming to our DW and paying a substantial amount of money and taking time out of their lives to be with us to celebrate I think it is important to "give back".  Let's be honest, our guests likely wouldn't be going to THAT resort, THOSE days and THAT time of year or possibly NOT even going on vacation at all so to us to just have them come to the ceremony and a dinner is not enough for us.  We want to host a reception "dance" so that people feel that they are truly involved in our day.


              It is obviously your and FIs decision as to what you do, but depending on the resort some of these things are INCLUDED and you don't need to worry about dishing out a TON of money! We will be making are wedding day a "big" low key deal but then leaving the remainder of our trip for us and our guests a vacation with no "wedding" activities or commitments allowing them to enjoy their vacation!



              #8 jlarruda

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                Posted 27 July 2011 - 09:58 AM

                Completely agree torilynn! we don't live where our family live anymore, so we decided against an AHR also.

                #9 SweetFire

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                  Posted 27 July 2011 - 11:53 AM

                  Congratulations!!  I think you have to do what you want it is your day!!  The guests expect that and will be so happy to be enjoying a beautiful vacation regardless of what your decision is.  


                  Best of luck,


                  #10 torilynnsmith

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                    Posted 27 July 2011 - 11:59 AM

                    That's nice to hear, I was starting to feel like we were the only ones who WERENT having an AHR and I thought I was doing something wrong!!!! We chose a DW because that's what we wanted our wedding to be, unfortunately not everyone can make it but I didn't think that meant we had to do something for them, if I wanted an at home wedding we would have had one!!!!! 

                    Originally Posted by jlarruda 

                    Completely agree torilynn! we don't live where our family live anymore, so we decided against an AHR also.


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