Bridesmaid bust!

[MVPHairMakeup]

Zelda062, That is terrible. Does your potential MOH know that she will be a "fill in?" Does she have to know?? Do you really need someone to fill in? Its your wedding, you call the shots. Im sure it is a terrible feeling but think of it this way...this is the end of counting on people who you cant count on and start your new life with the man you love. Dont look back.

[mmcst38]

zelda06....that sucks! I sincerely hope she has a great reason for this!

[merrylee]

Zelda, that sucks.  But I agree with MVP do you really have to ask someone else?  

 

Are you only having one person each?  If so make your HTB's Best Man the collective one.  Or more than one?  If you are having a bridal party just continue to have one, she was the one you wanted to be your MOH and even though she backed out you shouldn't feel the stress of having to promote someone else.  You asked all of them because they matter to you and you matter to them.  The title shouldn't matter

 

My FI and I are trying to decide right now if we are going to have anyone stand up with us.  We don't want anyone to feel obligated like the "have" to go..  Even his dad we know didn't have fun at my FSIL DW and I do not want to see that face in my pix so we are prepared to tell him we don't want him to go if it is just to make us happy. It really won't make us happy to see him not having fun.

[zelda062]

I ended up asking another friend of mine, if she would be my MOH.  She said she would be happy to be a part of my wedding!

 

This whole experience has made me realize I really need to reevaluate my friendship with my best friend.  Through the whole process of planning the wedding she has caused a huge amount of stress for me and is constantly in discourd with everyone else.  She has been this way for a long time now, everything is always all about her.  I guess I have just never done anything about it.  I always feel like I have to walk on eggshells around her because I am afraid I will upset her.

 

The sad part is, part of me is really upset about her putting me in this horrible position, but the other part of me is relieved because I won't have to spend so much time trying to placate her all the time.  I guess this is just kind of the straw that broke the camels back for me.

 

Am I horrible to feel this way?

[islandbride8]

 

 

Originally Posted by graciousbride 

 

I know this has been discussed but I need to be talked off a ledge here:(

First I gave everyone 18 months notice on our plans for the Aruba wedding.... Including my 3 best friends. I offered to pay everyones airfare and party expenses such as dresses ect...

My MOH is someone I have been friends with since we are 8 years old. And the other two almost just as long. They all accepted the invitation. My MOH has special circumstances so I offered to pay for the whole trip for both her and her kids. She backed out 3 months prior to the wedding after I had confronted her about her distance. She says she doesn't want me to pay for her to go. Understood.... But why string me along promising me if you felt this way. I did not giver her a hard time but now she won't answer my call or texts.

The other BM says it's a financial issue. And it's not, in reality she just didn't care enough to plan on going. Her and her husband have great jobs and no kids.

The third BM was just married in august then got pregnant right away. I automatically counted her out. Then she calls and says She got clearance from the doctor last week.... And that she would be coming. I was so surprised and excited to have a friend come. But now it seems like she still won't commit. She says now she is waiting for work clearance. wTF! Everytime I say hey let me buy ur dress or ticket she gives me the runaround.

I wish she never told me she was coming... I spent a whole month crying trying to get over the idea that nobody will be coming for me besides my mom and brother.

And all three of my friends have written me off since wedding planning started. I did nothing to deserve this. I feel it's time to do the same to them and move on.

I feel alone, hurt, depressed, have nobody to be excited about things girls get excited about with. I can go on and on. But I feel like they aren't as good as friends I have made them out to be in my head.

Sorry for the long post. Thanks for listening if you made it through.

Wish I would have known that zero of my guests were coming I feel like I'm eloping now!

 

 I think you need to sit down with each of them individually and talk to them about what's going on?  Why are they avoiding you like the plague?!?!  Let them know that you're upset about the whole wedding drama, but more so about your friendship.  This is NOT how real friends should be acting!!!  Keep your head high and just remember the reasons you started planning a DW to begin with.  You're very right- You do not deserve this as a person (let alone as a bride!).  I would let everyone know that if they cannot commit, that neither can you so they are out.  Stand your ground.  you only get one wedding and no one is allowed to cry about it but YOU.  The fact that you have offered to help with their financial obligations is extremely generous and it seems like no one has acknowledged that.  That is so rude and unfortunate!  I would definately be re-evaluating your friendship with these girls.  It really seems like there's more to this picture (your bending over backwards and they run in the other direction).  Try to get to the bottom of it, and if they are still being shady then I'd kick em to the curb!  Hang in there and keep your head held high! 

[MDLady]

 

 

Originally Posted by zelda062 

 

I ended up asking another friend of mine, if she would be my MOH.  She said she would be happy to be a part of my wedding!

 

This whole experience has made me realize I really need to reevaluate my friendship with my best friend.  Through the whole process of planning the wedding she has caused a huge amount of stress for me and is constantly in discourd with everyone else.  She has been this way for a long time now, everything is always all about her.  I guess I have just never done anything about it.  I always feel like I have to walk on eggshells around her because I am afraid I will upset her.

 

The sad part is, part of me is really upset about her putting me in this horrible position, but the other part of me is relieved because I won't have to spend so much time trying to placate her all the time.  I guess this is just kind of the straw that broke the camels back for me.

 

Am I horrible to feel this way?

 

Girl, you've gotta be kidding me asking if you are horrible to feel this way?!?!?!!  She sounds like a nightmare friend and MOH.  I can't stand people who make everything about them, especially when it's not THEIR wedding.  I understand about being nice to people but don't be a doormat to those who are selfish and treat you like this!!!

[merrylee]

 

So I do not have a BM issue, but I am having in law issues.  My FI's parents are divorced and his dad just emailed his mom and told her that she is not allowed to go to any of his family's functions anymore.  It has been almost 15 years since they got divorced, and now this stuff is starting to go down right before our wedding.  My FSIL is pregnant with the first grand kid, we are the last of the siblings to get married, but I am so afraid of what is going to happen with our wedding planning just beginning.  I do not want the family drama to impact what it is supposed to mean to us while we are planning.

And it's my FI's birthday on Friday and we are going to his dad's for dinner on Saturday and I do not know how I am going to be feeling going over there.

[graciousbride]

I know exactly how you feel... I always knew that i was ignoring all these big elephants in the room with my friends..... just because i really do love them and have had them around forever.  But this for me to is the straw that broke the camels back.  I dont think its wrong...   think this is a turning point for the better.

[graciousbride]

I'm still not exactly sure on how to reply and copy with quotes and all of that.  I just wanted to thank you guys for your support...  its nice to know that your not the only one that this kinda thing happens to. And empathetic words to make me feel like im not crazy for being so upset. 

But for an update:  I have one of those friends booked.  The one who is pregnant.  Its 6 weeks until the wedding!... and I wouldnt be surprised if she bailed.  But I have calmed down.  I took the advice of not lashing out... and realized.  I still want my day to be beautiful and special.  I realized that I have to get to organizing and planning crunch time.  I cant occupy my mind on people who just dont give a sh*t about me.  I still havent spoken to two of them.  I'm sure they will act like we havent skipped a beat after the wedding haha .....  I'm just enjoying planning all the details.  And feel so over the friend thing.  Yes I'm probably hard and bitter which is better than a doormat anyday.

[Michele Roberta]

Oh you poor thing!  I'm sorry that you are having such a hard time!  What a generous offer to pay for them too... wow! Two of my best friends and my brother & SIL aren't coming to our wedding (with 18 months notice!). And while I was disapointed, I understood that they have very young families, step kids with alternating schedules to consider, financial difficulties etc... I was very grateful that they told me up front.  Here's what I have learned - some of the women who I considered more casual friends, have come through and have been amazing! Helping to organize, wanting to help on the day, offering to take an extra suitcase down with decorations etc.  They have stepped up to the plate and become what I now call "true friends".  As hard as it may be to 'let it go' with your old friends... I can only say, let it go and focus on the wonderful day you and your fiance are planning. It will be beautiful, special and memorable, and you may even find that you've have true and wonderful friends around you this whole time.  Sadly, they are the ones who lose out in the situation....Good luck!