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Etiquette advice needed :-)

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#1 nicoleswrld

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  • 61 posts

    Posted 26 April 2010 - 04:11 PM

    So we are getting married in Punta Cana on May 13, 2010. My FI's cousin announced shortly after us that they were getting married May 7th at an at home wedding. We were fine with it as most of my FIs family is coming for only half of the week and that way they can attend both.

    BUT here lies my dilemma,

    We sent out invites to EVERYONE whether or not we thought they were going, since we are also having an at home party. We knew their invites were going out and even though we could not attend their wedding we thought we would still receive an invite. We never received one and then a couple of days later I get a FACEBOOK message from his cousin saying " I know you will be in Punta Cana for our wedding so I didn't send you an invite, but you know you guys are invited."

    This to me means..."I didn't want to waste money on an invite for you BUT we still expect a gift cause technically I invited you." And I am a little pissed off ....FI feels the same way...Also, we never recieved a thank you for our wedding shower gift to them....

    I am not a crazy stickler about etiquette but I mean come on....

    What do I do?!?! Gift....or no gift on sheer principle?? lol

    Thanks in advance ladies!! :-)


    #2 tracy0716

    • Jr. Member
    • 431 posts

      Posted 26 April 2010 - 04:20 PM

      Oh man! I'm not a stickler for etiquette either but this would annoy me too! You don't have to get them a gift right away since you will be busy finishing plans with your wedding and traveling. I would wait until you get home form your wedding, see if they got you a gift, and proceed from there. Even if they don't send you a gift I would still send them one just because I think two wrongs don't make a right. My advice is to pick something small from their registry and send them a nice card. No point fighting it, esp. if your FI thinks you should get them a gift. Good luck!!

      #3 *HOLLY*

      • Banned
      • 3,639 posts

        Posted 26 April 2010 - 04:23 PM

        I agree with Tracy. I cant believe they didnt send you and invite. I knew people were not able to come but I still send an invite.

        #4 Princess J

        Princess J
        • Jr. Member
        • 424 posts

          Posted 26 April 2010 - 04:29 PM

          I also agree with Tracy, get them a small gift no matter what and write a nice card with regrets on missing there big day.
          If I was the cousin receiving the nice gift/card I would fell like sh*$ and that would be a nice punishment in itself.
          50 Guests booked + the bride and groom!!!

          #5 YIweddings

          • Jr. Member
          • 173 posts

            Posted 26 April 2010 - 04:37 PM

            I am torn but always end up making more of an effort. Of course stooping to their level will not make it better even though it would feel good for awhile to buy them something completely tacky. In the end I say, take the high road.

            They will never see the error of their judgement and I think you already know the appropriate thing to do since you had common sense to even recognize their mistake.

            Don't pay them any attention and enjoy your own celebration.
            Soon to be Mrs. Kramer

            #6 Mere

            • Member
            • 729 posts

              Posted 26 April 2010 - 05:58 PM

              Isn't the wedding shower gift the gift? Doesn't that mean you already gave them a gift? I am trying to figure out the dilemma. As for the etiquette-they should have sent you a real invite-not a fb message-in my opinion.

              #7 teshy1

              • Jr. Member
              • 162 posts

                Posted 26 April 2010 - 05:58 PM

                Sheesh! I feel like etiquette went out the window when social networking sites became popular. Not sending you an invite is bad enough, but to then FB-message you like that?
                I'd be inclined to forgo the gift. You didn't receive a proper invitation anyway, right

                #8 dcjackie

                • Newbie
                • 20 posts

                  Posted 26 April 2010 - 06:27 PM

                  I'm going to join YI weddings up there on the high road. Yes, sucky for you not to get an invite. Don't stoop to their level. Just get a small gift for them. Then enjoy being the better person. : ) Enjoy your day!

                  #9 jk1101

                  • Sr. Member
                  • 2,582 posts

                    Posted 26 April 2010 - 10:30 PM

                    I would be totally annoyed - they should have sent you the invitation. A half-hearted facebook invite is CRAP in my opinion.

                    But, their ettiquete faux pas should not keep you from doing the right thing - if you want to. Send them a card - definitely. send them a gift - only if you think it's neccessary.

                    #10 mnh1983

                    • Member
                    • 743 posts

                      Posted 26 April 2010 - 11:01 PM

                      If you already gave them a gift at a shower, you don't need to get them another one.

                      It is tacky that she invited you via Facebook. Just ignore them.

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