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Should I invite my dad??....


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#11 MDLady

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    Posted 19 April 2010 - 01:33 PM

    I get what you are going through. If you were to invite him, would you be hoping that he rejects the invitation or accepts it If you are hoping for a rejection and are just trying to avoid hurting his feelings, then don't invite him. If you truly want him there, regardless of all the past issues/mistakes, then invite him and hopefully your family will have enough respect for your decision. But based on the vibe that I am getting from what you wrote, it seems like your biggest concern is hurting his feelings rather than that you really want him there.. To me that's a sign that you know what is right for you :)

    #12 **~Linda~**

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      Posted 19 April 2010 - 01:55 PM

      jodie thats a tough situation but here is all i can say.. your the only one that can make that decision .. I was in a fairly similar situation.. Long story short I have no had a relationship with my mother for the past 15 yrs. We see each other every now and again. Nothing formal just casually happen to see each other at some family events etc. For me it was pretty tough. Right down till the last week of the wedding. Because well, she is my mother after all. But all in all I had to chose against inviting her.. There were just to many Con's in my situation and our wedding would've just probably turned out to be a sour memory... I know im not of much help but through it all I can say that no one really could give me the answer I was looking for.. There were people who said i should invite her and people who said she didn't deserve to be invited. For me it was best to just sit breathe and think if I went ahead and invited her would it make the day a happier one or one filled with stress? Of course my dream scenario would've been different but i made the decision that was best for us... HTH

      #13 mlabbe

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        Posted 19 April 2010 - 02:39 PM

        I was also on the fence about inviting my dad - we maybe speak twice a year and I hadn't seen him in 7+ years. I went to visit him last summer, and I told him how I felt and the choices that I had: either invite him and have things be awkward or not invite him at all. I think that this really hit home with him and so we went with option #3 - invite him and work on having it not be awkward. He's been really good at writing and calling (for him, being in contact every month is HUGE!) and now I'm really happy that we went with option #3. I would have felt bad either way otherwise, and so telling him how I was feeling was the best decision for me.

        You have to go with what works best for you, but as long as you are honest in doing so, it will be the right thing. It might hurt, but you might also grow a lot because of it. He made his choices before and made his priorities clear - he might learn the consequences of them now. What he does with that info is up to him... Either way, I know that eventually whatever choice you make will be for the better.

        Good luck, and hang in there!

        #14 becks

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        Posted 19 April 2010 - 02:46 PM

        I don't have a lot of personal insight, while my parents are divorced, it happened later in my life and they are still friends so it was easy for me.

        To me, there are a couple of questions you should ask yourself:
        (1) do YOU want him there - ignore strained relationships etc, do YOU want him there?
        (2) Is it important to you that he know that you wanted him to attend your wedding?

        Go with your instinct - if you want him there or want him to know you want him there, send the invite. Worst case, he declines.

        Good luck!

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        #15 mnh1983

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          Posted 19 April 2010 - 07:49 PM

          If you have any feelings of "I hope he doesn't come," don't invite him. Sounds like you don't think he will come anyway. Maybe send him a nice picture from the wedding and an announcement afterward so that it doesn't seem like you totally forgot about him.

          #16 meldal101010

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            Posted 20 April 2010 - 11:06 AM

            To be completely honest, if I was in this situation I don't think I would invite him. It sounds harsh, but only judging from what you've said, he seems to be a pretty absent father figure. Your stepdad sounds like a real stand up fella and from the sounds of it considers you to be his daughter. Celebrate with the ones that really matter and your wedding will be special.

            Again, sorry if it sounded harsh, Its just what i would do in your situation.

            Good luck with your decision!!

            #17 jodieP

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              Posted 21 April 2010 - 04:26 AM

              Hi everyone,

              Sorry it has taken me a few days to get round to replying to my mini novel of a question!

              First of all I want to say a huge thank you to you all!! Your replies and suggestions on this situation were amazing! also thankyou all for sharing you personal insight or experiences with us too!

              I feel so relieved that i Asked such a wonderful group! I honestly feel a weight has been lifted just by sharing this as anyone I have asked so far mum, MOH & FI etc are all a little biased I guess so made it a little harder to stand back and look at the big picture.

              Hopefully in the next few days BIO dad and I will set a date to catch up and I'll tell him about the plans then, but ultimately I have decided that he doesn't need to be there. The best thing to do will be to be honest with myself and him and let him know how the ground lies. Maybe I would feel different if I were getting married on home soil but Im not and that is the way I want our wedding. It will be a super enjoyable experience and I do not want to referee from now till then so I know in my heart of hearts what to do!

              THANK YOU all so much for the clarity I got from your responses.

              Jodie.xxx
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              24 Booked plus bride & groom

              #18 jaynreneewed

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                Posted 21 April 2010 - 07:13 PM

                I would just send the invite- be the bigger person

                #19 jhartford19

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                  Posted 22 April 2010 - 09:53 PM

                  I agree with what a lot of the girls are saying. It sounds as though he won't go anyway, so you should invite him, but inform him of who will be there, etc. He probably won't come, but you won't risk hurting his feelings if you don't invite him.

                  #20 mlabbe

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                    Posted 23 April 2010 - 03:28 PM

                    Quote:
                    Originally Posted by jodieP
                    Hi everyone,

                    Sorry it has taken me a few days to get round to replying to my mini novel of a question!

                    First of all I want to say a huge thank you to you all!! Your replies and suggestions on this situation were amazing! also thankyou all for sharing you personal insight or experiences with us too!

                    I feel so relieved that i Asked such a wonderful group! I honestly feel a weight has been lifted just by sharing this as anyone I have asked so far mum, MOH & FI etc are all a little biased I guess so made it a little harder to stand back and look at the big picture.

                    Hopefully in the next few days BIO dad and I will set a date to catch up and I'll tell him about the plans then, but ultimately I have decided that he doesn't need to be there. The best thing to do will be to be honest with myself and him and let him know how the ground lies. Maybe I would feel different if I were getting married on home soil but Im not and that is the way I want our wedding. It will be a super enjoyable experience and I do not want to referee from now till then so I know in my heart of hearts what to do!

                    THANK YOU all so much for the clarity I got from your responses.

                    Jodie.xxx
                    Good luck Jodie! It will all work out for the best :)




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