How Important Is Your Bling To Your Marriage

[PaulaV]

Quote:

Originally Posted by LALA I voted that you should stop thinking about it, when it happens it happens. I know that when Brett and I graduated college I really wanted to get married - but it didn't happen. Now, 7 years later it's happening and it's the perfect time. You need to not stress so much about when it happens. I know, easy to say when you have the bling, but it's true. All this time you are stressing about when it will happen is time you aren't focusing on the actual relationship and how great it is. Just step back, say "I have an amazing man who loves me and isn't going anywhere", and let go. Once you do that, the proposal will come.

I also voted to wait... Kate said it very well above.

Sounds like you also want to talk to him about finances if they are bothering him, but maybe with the end to figure out if that is why there is no bling yet...
Maybe that's not the case, but don't you want to be surprised when it does happen? It will be very special ...

I would do it without a ring, but I would still want him to ask me.
Hang in there Catherine!

[JaimeLynne]

Quote:

Originally Posted by LadyP I know it will come. I just want my dancing elephants and be able to say look girls my DIY this and my DIY that. I think 2 weeks after the proposal I will have it all finalized and be able to start projects. LOL

I totally know how you feel on this Catherine. And yes, it is nice to finally have the ring. But since our engagement is so far off, I still can't get into the DIY projects and am kinda bummed about that, lol. To me the ring was more of a symbol that he honored me, and that in itself was very important to me personally. You may feel the same way. However, like someone else said, thinking like that actually did make me lose sight temporarily of our relationship which is everything - without the relationship there is no ring. In reality, the ring is just that - a ring. All of the honor and respect comes from within. It is so much easier to say all this now that I do have the ring tho, lol. So before I contradict myself any further and start making even less sense rambling on I'm just going to stop here.

[jesswins]

If you are happy with him and marrying him without a ring then do it. However if having a ring means something to you, I am sure you deserve it and should get it. Has he started setting aside any money towards a ring? Some men really don't get it and that doesn"t mean they don't love you but sometimes they need a little help from others. Also I was told that if you were to but a ring at a jewelry store then say in a few years wanted to upgrade to a bigger stone when you could afford it you could trade it in.

[LadyP]

Well we talked last night and his thing is that we are finally getting on top of the bills now and able to really start saving. When I said that I really didnt care about the ring he looked at me like I was crazy. He didnt say anything and the dead silence came across so I changed the subject.

 

What does that mean? Did I offend him?

[TammyB]

Could it be the cost of the wedding in general that he's afraid of paying off? Bills are really hard to overcome, it takes most people more years then they can remember trying to pay them off. So I respect the fact that he doesn't want to get further into debt. Ok so we are all women, yes we all want a beautiful ring on our fingers but I think at the end of the day we just want the man, men don't understand that, they have been told all these years that girls are all about the bling.. So he is probably feeling overwhelmed with the whole ring/wedding. I'd approach him at a different angle, maybe ask him "how do you see us in 5 years", "if we were to get married, what would you invision it to be like". I'm sure you know how to pry information out of him without being over powering, but don't backdown because you don't like when he doesn't answer. If marriage is important to you, it also needs to be important to him. Did you mention to him about maybe just buying a couple wedding bands and go elope somewhere and then 5-10 years down the road do a more "Traditional vow renewal"?

[LadyP]

I told him that BJ which is like Costco was having cruise for like 299 for 5 days and we could take it and elope in St Thomas and that is when the conversation stopped. I dont know if he had an idea because he immediately got on the phone with his boss about work. (10:30pm)

 

I dont know.

[TammyB]

Hmm sounds to me like he just doesn't want to talk about marriage. Maybe before you start talking to him say that you want to sit down for "x" amount of time to talk to him with no interruptions. Catherine, he really needs to learn to open up and talk to you more, it could cause for some problems later, my ex husband was that way, and eventually you both could end up bottling up your thoughts and feelings and that's never good. I'm only saying this because I worry about my girls on here..

[LadyP]

Thank you all of this advice is helping me to open up too. I have the avoidance syndrom if I dont say anything then maybe it will go away

[Sunsierra]

I voted for no e-ring, but this was for myself and my situation. My opinion for your situation is to wait. There is really no point in rushing and pressuring him when he's not ready (finanacially) could mean tension in the relationship later. Either way, best of luck to you!!

[-Kate-]

Now I'm worried. I want you to know right off the bat that this only comes because I don't want to see any BDW girls sad or unhappy. Plus, you can totally ignore me if I'm overstepping bounds.

 

I'm concerned that he won't talk to you and because of that you genuinely don't know his thoughts on marriage right now. That is a major subject that should be discussed. It's not like he never told you that he doesn't like Italian Dressing on his salad - this is major. How is the communication between you on other subjects like $$, sex, raising your son, religion?

I know when I have offended my FI because he says so. He didn't always say so, but after so many years together he knows he needs to tell me. If you don't know if your DBF is offended or not there is a serious comunication breakdown going on.

I know some people aren't talkers and I respect that. There are some things that need to be talked about though - even for the non-talkers.

 

I hope I'm ot being too nosy or prying. I just want to help if I can.