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I have a problem! Please help!


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#1 swankster77

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    Posted 12 November 2009 - 05:22 PM

    First of all, if this is in the wrong part of the forum, I apologize... let me know and I'll repost elsewhere.

    My FI and I agreed to have 3 people stand up on each side (best man/maid of honor and 2 additional attendants) plus 2 ushers and a junior bridesmaid.

    I wanted 4...but he insisted on 3. So we both asked our respective friends/family... All was settled. Or so I thought...

    One night he went out with his best man and another friend whom he used to be good friends with. After a couple of drinks he ended up asking this guy to stand up!!!!! WHAT?! Yes, it's true. I was infuriated. His reasoning was that he was worried that one of his other guys would back out and he wouldn't have enough on his side. So this is his 'back-up'... only thing is... this guy doesn't know he's a back up. The guy that he thought might back out is for sure in now... so it looks as though he will have 4 guys.

    What do I do? Originally when I wanted 4 I really had to struggle to decide between 2 good friends.. and now that friend knows I have not asked her so if I do end up asking her several months after I asked the other girls is she going to feel like an afterthought? Probably... at least i would. Plus what if I do ask her and this guy backs out?

    I'm stressing really bad over this and I still can't believe my FI did such a thing!

    Any advice/ideas are welcomed and MUCH appreciated!

    #2 boscobel

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      Posted 12 November 2009 - 05:30 PM

      My first thought is that you don't need matching sides, so that's not that big of a deal. I would talk to the friend and explain the situation. Ask her anyway since it was important to you from the beginning to have her be involved. You don't know for sure that she can make it yet, right? I would ask her and explain the whole situation and let her made her decision. I had 3 girls and 6 guys in JA for my wedding, then 7 girls and 6 guys for my AHR b/c I didn't care about the numbers, just that the important people were involved! Good luck!

      #3 simba1234

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        Posted 12 November 2009 - 05:33 PM

        I have been having ALL kinds of bridal party issues since I first got engaged...too many to list out here. One of the issues was that my FI did the same thing yours did... he has asked everyone and their momma to stand with him. He promised ppl before checking to see if I'd have enough girls on my side. I couldn't decide between two friends so my solution is to let him have more GM than I have BM. He will have 4 GM and I'll have 3 BM's... I know a lot of ppl who do that.

        Why don't just have an uneven # of BM & GM? OR tell your friend that you didn't pick her originally because you were waiting for your FI to find another GM so that you could be even. Now that he picked one you would love her to be his partner. Spin it so that it looks like you wanted her all along but couldn't tell her because your FI didn't have enough guys to a make it even.

        #4 NaM

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          Posted 12 November 2009 - 05:34 PM

          I agree, my first thought is that it DOES NOT have to match...if you wanted 4 friends to stand by YOU who really cares if he only had 3?? It isn't going to make or break your wedding...i'm sure it'll be beautiful regardless.
          Good luck and hope you guys get it figured out!

          #5 shellk

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            Posted 12 November 2009 - 05:46 PM

            what are boys like when they have had a drink?they think everyones their best friends.i think if you really want her you should have her anyway.i dont think your friend will mind she will just be please you asked.

            #6 SuperKate

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              Posted 12 November 2009 - 11:32 PM

              If it is important to you to have the same number then ask your friend but explain the situation. I think it is best to just be honest.

              Otherwise I say just keep it as is. I don't think the numbers need to match up.

              #7 *Meagan*

              *Meagan*
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                Posted 12 November 2009 - 11:37 PM

                I dont think your sides need to match at all, IMO. Its your wedding and your day who cares what anyone else thinks. I think if you want 5 people next to you, then do it!

                #8 swankster77

                swankster77
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                  Posted 23 November 2009 - 04:18 PM

                  Thanks so much for all the suggestions!!

                  I had pretty much decided to ask her to stand up when I thought of a much more special job for her that actually would have more meaning to me personally. I'm going to have her read our sand ceremony prayer/reading. She is a very sentimental person and I think this is the perfect solution.

                  As for the last minute groomsmen... it's sounding more and more like he won't be able to make it anyway but if he does... you are all right... it doesn't have to be even.

                  Thanks again ladies!

                  #9 alittlebitwee

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                    Posted 26 November 2009 - 03:43 PM

                    I agree that you should go with unmatched sides. You dont want your friend to feel like she is the last choice fill in. Although, if you dont ask her and you go, she will obviously see unmatched sides and figure you dont like her enough to ask her to be that fourth girl. very tricky. I would maybe approach her about it and give her the option

                    #10 svetayasofiya

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                      Posted 27 November 2009 - 01:22 PM

                      Quote:
                      Originally Posted by swankster77
                      Thanks so much for all the suggestions!!

                      I had pretty much decided to ask her to stand up when I thought of a much more special job for her that actually would have more meaning to me personally. I'm going to have her read our sand ceremony prayer/reading. She is a very sentimental person and I think this is the perfect solution.

                      As for the last minute groomsmen... it's sounding more and more like he won't be able to make it anyway but if he does... you are all right... it doesn't have to be even.

                      Thanks again ladies!
                      I think that is the perfect solution!

                      ... and just to play devil's advocate... lol I personally agree with your previous stress over having matching sides. I am totally OCD. Everything needs to be even and add up, LOL But I realize in the grand scheme of things it doesn't matter. It would just really bug me.




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