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Mom gave me an ultimatum to come to MY wedding!?!

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#21 itsfinallyhere

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    Posted 29 October 2009 - 10:12 AM

    OMG, you could have been talking about me! I too have a kind of love hate relationship with my mother! I can totally understand your frustration. I know this will be very difficult for you, but the time has come for you to stand up to your mom. I know they have this special superpower that You from 30 to 3, or 40 to 4. But you need to remain calm, and tell your mom that her regular antics would not be appreciative on this occassion and that if she can't control herself she will not be welcomed. And if she does decide to show up then I sugest to takes GracieBebe's advice and have the WCand security advised before hand so a quick word will do the trick. For my mom that would not work only cause a greater scene, but my FI has already told me any sh!t and he is going to step in, which I am not sure which scares me more, the scene with him or security!

    Good Luck, I really hope all works out for you. Remember you are an adult now too and deserve as much respect as any other adult. Sometimes parents seem to forget we have grown up.

    #22 Ana


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    Posted 29 October 2009 - 10:51 AM

    I would tell her that you don't agree with her requests and that its your day so she can either come and be silent and supportive, or not come at all. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but that's just bs!

    #23 alkoch

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      Posted 29 October 2009 - 11:27 AM

      I hope everything thing goes ok! What a horrible situation. All the advice is great on here, the one thing I keep thinking is that your Mom probably really wants to come to see you get married so you should make it clear that if she is going to be there then she can't pull this crap. Maybe you can say how she will get attention because she is the mother of the bride so she doesn't have to cause a scene for attention.

      Good Luck

      #24 YoursTruly

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        Posted 29 October 2009 - 01:56 PM

        I really hope she does not cause any drama if she ends up attending. Like someone mentioned, she would have to cancel or else she would seriously be barred.

        #25 Jennybell1

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          Posted 29 October 2009 - 02:50 PM

          I would tell her that by being at your wedding - she is supporting your decision to marry this man. If she doesnt support this in any way - then she should not be at your wedding. My mother was somewhat liek your mother at my first wedding.....she ruined that day (even though I ended it 9 yrs later). Looking back I WOULD NOT have her there. She has learned from that experience bc our relationship only got worse after that day. But now we are on the mend and things are SOO much better now. Do what you have to do.....you need people there that want to celebrate with you...not bring you down!

          #26 KittenHeart

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            Posted 29 October 2009 - 03:16 PM

            I'm pretty stubborn and so is my mom, so if it were me personally and my mom had told me this, I honestly would have told her. I will not agree to ANY terms whatsoever, it's my wedding and she can be there if she supports it and won't badmouth it or make rude remarks. If she can not do that, she's not coming.

            Sorry if that's very harsh but it's pretty black and white to me.

            Good luck, I hope it all works out in the end... maybe calmly telling her how you feel first before jumping to my harsh conclusions, LOL!

            #27 Sloan

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              Posted 05 November 2009 - 04:17 PM

              Your Mom sounds like a child that isn't getting her way and has decided to have a temper tantrum.... I'd tell her to shove her "ultimatums" up her ass too. I've never heard of something so utterly ridiculous. Just because she's your mother doesn't mean you have to accept any of her bullshit. I'm sorry, but no one would treat me or speak to me like that -- unacceptable. period. Especially my own mother. Just in case she does end up going, do you have any guests or other family that you trust to keep her subdued?
              Sorry you have to deal with such bullshit at a time that should be happy. Who's the child and who's the parent here? Hope things get resolved :)

              #28 xoHeavenSentxo

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                Posted 05 November 2009 - 05:40 PM

                You know what EGSarah, my mom is like your mom in alot of ways. It’s like they forget the fact youre their child/daughter and that this is one of the most important times of your life!! It saddens me when I think of how my mom treats me!! But you know what, if our own mothers will not look out for us and provide the support that a mother should…. OH F***** WELL!! We can look out for ourselves!!

                Try not to dwell on the issue because it will mess with your mind if you do. You have your day, and make it a good one!!

                #29 hat0112

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                  Posted 06 November 2009 - 01:42 PM

                  I hope everything works out! My mother and I were always close, but if she did that she wouldn’t come. I will not allow that kind of negativity at my wedding. She either promises to behave or I will make sure she doesn’t get to my destination and get to the wedding, even if that means calling security at the resort. If she ends up coming to the wedding I would definitely put another family member on her in case she acts up they can have her removed.
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                  #30 josee

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                    Posted 06 November 2009 - 03:51 PM

                    I am sorry you have to go through such an issue! Your mom really sounds like a spoiled child. You should not give in to any of her stupid ultimatums. I would tell her, either you come and keep your negativity for yourself either you don't come at all. It is YOUR day not hers, she should respect that!!!

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