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JaimeLynne

Destination Wedding Etiquette Article

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(From GetMarried.com - what a great site, thanks Ann!)

 

Destination wedding etiquette

 

The Doâ€s and the Donâ€ts of planning a wedding away from home.

 

DO be honest and upfront with bridesmaids

Even if your wedding is only going to be three blocks away from your home, itâ€s proper etiquette to inform your maid of honor and attendants of whatâ€s on the agenda so they know whether they can afford to play a role in your wedding. When the plan includes a trip, itâ€s crucial that you be clear as to basic costs to them. You should cover their accommodations. If your budget allows, offer to pay for their transportation costs as well.

 

DO schedule time for your attendants

Theyâ€ll have come a long way, spent considerable amounts of money and sacrificed vacation days to be with you so make an extra special effort to salute them while youâ€re at your destination. Organize a bridesmaids†luncheon, throw a bachelors†party, and make sure everyone is thanked well and often.

 

DO draw boundaries

The two of you should take some time to sit down and discuss what you want kept private and what you donâ€t mind sharing, in terms of your personal time and space once youâ€re there. Book your own room as far away from your guests†rooms as possible. If possible, plan to spend your wedding night in a different locale or at least in the honeymoon suite farthest from the festivities. Decide beforehand how much time you want to spend with your guests and be diligent about keeping to your plans to save you and your spouse-to-be the stress of having to compete for the otherâ€s attention.

 

DONâ€T get exotic with the invitation wording

Regardless of where your wedding will take place, thereâ€s something to be said for wording the invitation the same as if you were having the celebration at home.

The clean, simple, and informative style of a conventional invitation is exactly whatâ€s needed. The design of the invitation and the address for the wedding will be exotic enough.

 

For an informal style, the invitation might read:

 

Heidi Brown and Michael McKnight

invite you to celebrate their marriage

on

Saturday, July the eighteenth

Two thousand and eight

at six oâ€clock

Golden Beach Resort

Nassau, Bahamas

R.S.V.P.

 

Include an agenda with highlights of any events youâ€ve planned, such as a welcoming party the night before the wedding or a barbecue by the pool the day after the wedding. Including all wedding events in the invitation lets guests know what to expect and what to pack. You may also want to include a separate note with travel information, such as the phone number for booking a room at your resort. Or send this information later after you receive each guestâ€s confirmation.

DONâ€T mention gifts on the invitation

Gifts should never be mentioned on a wedding invitation (regardless of where the wedding is taking place) even if your sentiment is that guests not give you a gift at all. So, if the thought of packing wedding gifts into your luggage doesnâ€t appeal, resist the urge to add “No gifts, please†to your invitation. Instead, make it known to your parents, your best man and maid of honor and anyone else you can think of who can spread the word that youâ€d prefer no gifts or gifts sent to your home or your parents home or anyone willing to accept packages on your behalf while youâ€re away. Then call ahead to your on-location wedding planner to find out what courier services are available for those few gifts that do wind up at your hotel.

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Something that I found very interesting is that you should pay for your attendant's accommodations. I was already thinking of paying at least for my MOH because I would hate for money to get in the way of her attending my wedding!!!! Maybe I should just offer to pay for the hotel first and see if she feels comfortable providing her own transportation. I think that sounds pretty fair. If it came down to it tho, we'd pay for her whole stay. I think we may just end up having a MOH and a BM.

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Jamie, great article. I agree w/ the paying for your attendants idea. We're not having a wedding party specifically b/c it's such a burden on our guests, and those that can't afford it feel guilty, can't come, etc. I've been to too many destination weddings where the wedding party is upset that they had to fork over $1k and didn't really feel like the couple appreciated their presence.

 

So instead, we have opted to pay for select accomodations for our very close friends, those that would have been in our wedding party, just to show them how much them mean to us. We're not paying for flights, and some have turned us down, but the thought resonates with them for sure.

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That's good to know. So far, we've only said (amongst ourselves) that we'll be paying for my BF to go because I really want/need her there and I can totally see money getting in the way of that. If we have extra mula in the end we'll probably offer to help out as many ppl as we can.

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We are not paying for our attendants. Sorry, if I had a lot of money I would, but I don't. Also, I was a BM in a DW in April 2006 and I did not expect them to pay for me, nor would I have wanted them to. They need the money for the wedding and their new life. So, I told all my BM's upfront what it was going to cost and I let them decide. Also, we picked a time of year that was more affordable to our guests because we did not want people to have to pay a lot of money to come, that was the best we could do, so we did it. I really do not think any wedding party expects the B & G to pay for them.

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Julesr View Post
We are not paying for our attendants. Sorry, if I had a lot of money I would, but I don't. Also, I was a BM in a DW in April 2006 and I did not expect them to pay for me, nor would I have wanted them to. They need the money for the wedding and their new life. So, I told all my BM's upfront what it was going to cost and I let them decide. Also, we picked a time of year that was more affordable to our guests because we did not want people to have to pay a lot of money to come, that was the best we could do, so we did it. I really do not think any wedding party expects the B & G to pay for them.
You were upfront tho - I think that's the most important thing. I wouldn't expect the wedding couple to pay, but if they could afford it and offered it would be nice!

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We are having two friends each and paying for their hotel stay for three days. We felt they were making the trip and wanted them not to have to worry about that part!

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In most articles I've read they say you should pay for your wedding party's accomidations. I've been in 6 weddings, most of which were out of town for me. I had to fly to 2 of them. I have always paid for my own transportation & hotel. So although in etiquette articles they say thats what you should do, I don't think people actually do. I have never expected them to pay for me. However, I really appreciate when they make an effort to keep cost down. Its not fun to spend $100s on a dress you don't even like. I am in a wedding this year where the bride is letting us wear the same dress from another wedding we were all in. I was thrilled when I heard that.

 

I agree with the suggestion to make sure to spend time with your bridal party & thank them. Nothing is worse than feeling like you were just there to wear a dress & pose for pictures.

 

I will most likely not have bridesmaids. If I do, I plan on waiting until they have decided for sure they are going & then ask them. That way they were able to figure out if they can go first & won't feel pressure.

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