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Need Advice on Mother/Son Dance


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#1 bride2b10

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    Posted 07 October 2009 - 11:08 PM

    So I'm not really venting but just wanted to get input on something. Usually, the weddings we've been to, there is always a mother/son and a father/daughter dance. Unfortunately, my father passed away 4 years ago (today) and so obviously, I cannot do the father/daughter dance. Now, I realize that I'm entirely wrong to feel this way because it's not my fi's fault that I don't have a father, but I feel that it would be hurtful to me if we did an official mother/son dance bc it would remind me and my family that I don't have a father...am I wrong (yes I know I am)... I didn't say that he can't or anything but I just expressed that I think it would be a tad awkward for me... any advice

    thank you!!!
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    #2 MayaLove

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      Posted 07 October 2009 - 11:23 PM

      I'm sorry about your loss.

      I think I would feel the same if I was in your position. Is there another man in your family that you're very close to? Maybe a brother or an uncle? I was thinking maybe you could do a dance with them and it might not be as bad for you...

      I also just thought of you doing a dance with your mom. It may seem a little weird but I think it would be cute and different. I just Googled it to see if others have done a Mother/Daughter dance and some have. :)

      I don't really have much advice other than that. Maybe there's someone else here that has been in this situation before...
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      #3 DGG

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        Posted 07 October 2009 - 11:50 PM

        I'm so sorry for your loss

        My husband's mother passed away several years ago, so we sort of had the reverse situation. I debated back and forth on whether I should do a father-daughter dance b/c I didn't want to risk upsetting my husband or his family (thinking it might draw more attention to his mother not being there). We discussed him doing a dance with his grandmother or his aunt, but he didn't really want to and in a way, that would make it more hurtful. In the end, I did a dance with my father but it wasn't an official "father-daughter dance." We didn't announce it or anything - we just asked the dj to play something appropriate and I danced with my father. A few other people were on the dance floor with us - which was actually more than okay b/c we both hate to be the center of attention.
        Talk to your FI - maybe he doesn't really even want to do a mother-son dance anyway... or maybe he would be okay with just making sure to dance with his mom at some point during the reception... if you explain that it would make you more upset, I'm sure he'll want to find a way that you'd feel better about..

        #4 SusieQ

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          Posted 08 October 2009 - 08:07 AM

          These DW are so informal and small that it isn't showcasing things the way it does when you have the big hall and hundreds of guests.... Whatever you do will be fine.... follow your heart and if you want to celebrate someone that has been there for you, do so.

          #5 lara&mike

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            Posted 08 October 2009 - 08:36 AM

            I completely agree. If you ask your FI he may not even care about doing a dance. I'm not sure if we are doing anything other than the first dance. DW are so informal and I dont think a lot of guests really care about watching it anyway. I was raised by my mom so don't have a father to dance with either. I am just going to dance with my mom if we do dances...who cares, it's your family and your wedding. However, you may not want to do it at all since this could remind you of your loss as well. Just do what feels right.

            #6 bride2b10

            bride2b10
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              Posted 08 October 2009 - 11:44 AM

              Thanks everyone!! I really appreciate the advice and support :)
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              #7 GracieBebe

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                Posted 09 October 2009 - 03:49 PM

                What about doing a Mother/Daughter dance? My father also passed away when I was young and my mom raised me as both a mother and father. I had her walk me down the aisle and I danced with her during the reception. I also had hubby dance with her at one point so that she had someone to dance with.
                - Grace
                Location - Chateau de Challain, Challain la Potherie, France
                Engagement Date - Sept. 6, 2008
                Wedding Date - Sept. 9, 2009
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                #8 MilitaryMrs.s-to be

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                  Posted 12 October 2009 - 02:26 PM

                  Exactly what I was going to say GracieBebe, Have a Mother/Daughter dance, My girlfriend doesn't speak to her dad, and he has nothing to do with her, so she is having her mom walk her down and also having a Mother/Daughter dance.

                  Might be something to think about :) Good luck.

                  #9 bride2b10

                  bride2b10
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                    Posted 12 October 2009 - 04:08 PM

                    Thanks everybody! I talked about it with my FI and he said he understood and that he will talk to his mom. I don't want to take that moment away from her if it's something she had always wanted, but I'm hoping they won't mind making it unofficial.
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