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bholthof

What would you do??

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Ok, so I know this has been tossed about a bunch of times... but if you were in our shoes, what would you do?

 

We are planning a destination wedding. We haven't even been able to choose a location yet, and already there are some people of the 40 we planned on inviting who have said that a destination wedding is "too inconvenient" for them.

 

We have been tossing around the idea of an AHR since the beginning, but I'm starting to think that there is really no point. For one thing, we don't intend on inviting aunts/uncles/cousins to the wedding - its immediate family and friends only. I already realize our grandparents probably won't be able to make it to the wedding. And if I did invite aunts and uncles, some probably would go.

 

And also I think it would be weird to have an AHR that both my family and FI family come to - nobody would know each other, and I don't want to do anything formal, so a reception like what follows a wedding would be silly. Plus, both sides of my family are planning family reunions next summer anyway, which is when we would have the AHR. So most of them would go to either my AHR or the family reunion. I think that for my side of the family, at least, we shouldn't bother with an AHR, and should just go to the family reunions to accept congradulations from the family. Its not like we need presents, anyway.

As for FI's family, we aren't close to any of them. if we were to have an AHR for that side of the family, (his dad's side) most of them wouldn't be there for us, anyway. And besides, his stepmom is the one that says it is too inconvenient for them - they are already planning 2 other vacations, and won't consider coming to our wedding unless we have it during March break. So I at this point I don't care if they come or not, and I don't particularly want to have an AHR just so they can be there.

 

If anything, I am thinking that we should maybe do a small AHR for those important people who can't come to the wedding - such as grandparents or those who can't afford it. Why bother throwing a huge bash for people that I don't speak to 95% of the year, and only ever see at family reunions?

 

I don't know. It seems like such an unnecessary expense to have an AHR, but at the same time it seems as though people expect it. I just don't see the point.

 

I mean, most of the people we would invite to an AHR are people we wouldnt invite to the wedding... so why bother?? If they aren't close enough to us to be invited to our wedding - why pay the extra cash to have a party for them at home?

 

What would you do?

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I am not having a AHR at all, the reason I chose a Destination Wedding was to keep the costs down and having a AHR. Those that can make the wedding great and those that can't I totally understand but I will not host a AHR for them. Maybe this sounds harsh but its the way I feel. As far as grandparents, or any other close relative I plan on just visiting them personally and show them the pics and video.

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I agree...you should have the people who are near and dear to you there and don't worry about the expense of having everyone. You could just throw a very casual cookout type of party and enjoy the intimacy of having those you care about most there. It's funny, I never even considered an AHR until I came to BDW- I just thought if they can't come to the one at my DW then they don't get to! it's a priviledge for THEM to be invited to my wedding dangit!! lol

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Quote:
Originally Posted by bholthof View Post
And also I think it would be weird to have an AHR that both my family and FI family come to - nobody would know each other, and I don't want to do anything formal, so a reception like what follows a wedding would be silly. Plus, both sides of my family are planning family reunions next summer anyway, which is when we would have the AHR. So most of them would go to either my AHR or the family reunion. I think that for my side of the family, at least, we shouldn't bother with an AHR, and should just go to the family reunions to accept congradulations from the family. Its not like we need presents, anyway.
Generally when 2 people get married, the wedding is where the families get to know each other, so I don't think that part is weird at all.

However, I'm not having an AHR, even though my guests to the DW are dropping like flies, my wedding is in Jamaica. If they can't come to that, they don't get to come to some kind of second chance wedding.

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I am not having an AHR either. I have all these people travelling to Mexico for us, the last thing I am going to do is have them travel for us AGAIN for another party. If we wanted an at home reception, we would have gotten married AT HOME. end of story :)

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I think you should do whatever you are comfortable with. It is your day and you are what is important so if the thought of an AHR doesn't appeal to you than don't have one. You don't even need an explanation or reason for not having one IMO.

 

That being said, I would definitely make a point of visiting those family and friends that you want to be there but can't (grandparents) and show them pictures/videos tell them stories about it. I am sure if they could be there for you they would and they would love to catch up with you afterwords as a Mrs.

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We are having an AHR but it is really casual...not a big formal dinner or anything more like appies and wine and beer. We weren't going to have one but we have a lot of friends who just couldn't afford to come to mexico with us.

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We are not doing a AHR but will probably host a party at our house or brunch at a small local restaurant. Nothing fancy since the destination wedding in Mexico will end up costing more than what we have planned.

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We are having a DW and were originally planning on just inviting our parents. That didn't go over so well with a lot of people so we extended it to Aunts and Uncles and a few friends. There's a lot of the family that we didn't invite who would like to be part of our day so we're doing an AHR. It won't be a formal thing. We'll just rent a hall and have a potluck party and show our pictures and video.

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We had an AHR, but it was not for us. It was for his parent's who had been dreaming of their son's wedding for 36 years. None of their friends agreed to come to our wedding, so we let them host the reception. It was a great party. Neither of us were really into it, but it did keep the peace.

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