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Fustrated with people

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    Posted 28 July 2009 - 08:52 PM

    I apologize if this is long.

    My FI and I have been engaged for about 2 yrs. We wanted to to a wedding in NY but I just couldnt see myself spending $30-50 on a wedding. I could use that $$ as a down payment on a house. Since I was a little girl I pictured myself getting married in front of the beach. About 1 year and a half ago I started researching it and realized that I could have the wedding of my dreams at a reasonable price. So my FI and I discussed the destination wedding idea with my family and they were on board. His immediate family gave us some for it but once his mother found out we would pay for her trip she was fine. His sister came around soon after and the brother wouldnt give us a yes or no answer.

    Let me just tell you guys about his wedding before I go any further. He was married on july 4 2007 in vegas. He told us a month before that this was going to happen. We already had a trip booked to Puerto Rico (booked in feb 07 and they were fully aware of this trip) for my FI's Bday 7/9. Anyways I tried to see what we can do but we were looking at losing about 1500.00 if we cancelled our trip. So my FI spoke to his brother and asked that they change the date to labor day weekend. They wouldnt budge ok so a huge fight breaks out btn the 2 of them and we ended up not going to their wedding. BTW they didnt take his mom but they sure did take her parents.

    So now that my wedding is coming up they arent going. I found out sunday. My FI is really hurt by all of this. We didnt go to their wedding because we did not want to but b/c of the $$ we would lose and at one point we were going to just cancel our trip altogether but my FBIL said some really mean things to my FI and FI refused to go. They claim that they have no $$ but yet they are at the casinos every other weekend dropping 500-1000 a night.

    So now I am left with a heartbroken FI and I am not sure what to say to him to make it better. I have tried to make excuses up for them but everytime I see how hurts he gets just talking about it, it makes me even more mad.

    Any suggestions?

    #2 Love3

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      Posted 28 July 2009 - 09:09 PM

      If they want to be like this then it is their loss! God works in funny ways hun. U can't please them all, just make sure you and your FI are happy and take care of each other and everything else will fall into place where it is supposed to anyways!! SOme people can be really immature especially family and especially during wedding planning God only knows

      #3 azulskies

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        Posted 28 July 2009 - 10:05 PM

        That's just awful...family should make wedding planning stress-free, not stressful. I don't understand how someone could get mad at someone else for not coming to their wedding when it was so last-minute & they were already aware of your plans. Hello?!! I'm sorry and I hope everything works out.


        #4 Vikki

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          Posted 28 July 2009 - 10:26 PM

          Rosa-it sounds like you've done all you can to try and fix it. Just be there for him and try to focus on the positives, the people that ARE coming, the special things you'll have to look forward to with a DW-instead of spending time fretting over the immature reaction of his brother.

          #5 ~Nicole~

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            Posted 29 July 2009 - 09:33 AM

            This is going to sound bad, but its probably better that they aren't going. They sound like dramatic people and you don't need that on your wedding day. To me actions speak louder than words..... I wouldn't waste any energy on them. It doesn't mean that there has to be a war in the family, but I would know where I stand from how they're acting and just move forward. With regards to FI, just be there for him. Always remind him of the positive people and things in his life. You can't pick your family but you can pick your friends. Good luck!
            *Formerly Nikki07*
            My Planning Thread

            #6 koolatta

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              Posted 29 July 2009 - 09:54 AM

              I feel for you. I am going through dramam too cause not one person and I repeat NOT ONE person from my FI's family is coming to the wedding eventhough we told them a year ago and even said just save $50 a paycheck. Everyone was all for it in the beginning and as we get close we are down to 0 from the FI side. They all say they have no $$ but could afford PS3's and trip and cars and cosmetic surgery. IDK how to comfort him either since he is the one in his family who is there for everyone and when it comes down to it not one of them is ever there for him. But its his fam so what can I say.

              Keep your head hope and hopefully all will be ok. Thats what I am hoping for

              21 + Bride & Groom Booked!!

              #7 EDSROSA

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                Posted 29 July 2009 - 09:26 PM

                It sucks to see how something that is supposed to be so special for you can be mutilated by other people. I have tried to make my FI see the brighter side but he still isnt budging.

                #8 Prettyhazardous

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                  Posted 01 August 2009 - 04:53 PM

                  Hey Date Twin
                  Sorry to hear ab this issue.
                  To be honest I don't think there's much you can do. Unfortunately your FBIL is being very immature and petty ab the situation. I know it's hard for your FI but I would just be supportive of him. Also I wouldn't make excuses for the brother...
                  I know thats hard though.

                  #9 jk1101

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                    Posted 01 August 2009 - 05:45 PM

                    It amazes me when siblings do this - my sister isn't coming to my wedding either Rosa - even though my parents have offered to pay for her. My friends say the same thing Ashley did - she would probably cause more problems than anything else. I'm trying just to let it go.

                    #10 EDSROSA

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                      Posted 02 August 2009 - 07:21 PM

                      Jerseykitten & Lovely3457, I am so sorry to hear that your sisters arent going

                      Thanks for all the advice!!!!!!!!

                      Things seem to be getting better, he doesnt seem as mad as before.

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