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Help! I think I hate my mother in law...


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#11 azulskies

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    Posted 20 July 2009 - 02:39 PM

    I know that it can be hard, especially since his father just passed away...I think it makes for a sensitive situation. But while he may not like to, your FI has to step up and put up some boundaries. He doesn't have to be rude or nasty but there are limits! For example, if she's calling at 6:45 in the morning when she knew you got in late, he shouldn't be picking up the phone right away at her beck & call...he can call her back when he's able to. She's doing what she's doing b/c he's allowing it to happen and if he doesn't do/say something, she'll continue to behave that way just because she can.

    With the reservations, your FI should let her know that it's out of your budget and have some suggestions of places/rooms she can stay in that are in your budget. If she wants something grandiose, then she should pay for it herself.

    Ah! This woman sounds so selfish! Good luck to you & your fiance!

     


    #12 JOSIE

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      Posted 20 July 2009 - 02:43 PM

      I'm sorry your going through this. Remember that when you're going through a rut with a person EVERYTHING they do tends to annoy you and piss you off, many of those things annoy you more than they ever would on a normal day if you werent already at your witts end with them.

      My advice to you, if possible, is to distance yourself. Be kind and respectful but keep your distance and don't let her become OVERLY involved in your life and your wedding planning. When she asks questions give genric answers or say you've already taken care of it.

      You DONT want this to ruin your relationship with FI. If you think there is a chance at resovling things, try reading this article about what causes anger. Maybe if you can pinpoint exactly what shes doing to make you so upset, you can learn how to constructively avoid or deter those situations. Best of luck! Here is the article: It really helped me!!

      Anger/Aggression
      11.28.2009

      #13 courtney_b00

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        Posted 20 July 2009 - 10:58 PM

        omg I can't believe she called that early! I agree your FI needs to stop answering to her every needs and to tell her what's up. He needs to keep putting his foot down until she hopefully backs down a little bit. And to say your house was a mess-that is straight up rude! I admire you for being able to deal with this--I would have slapepd her by now!

        #14 Sapphire723

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          Posted 21 July 2009 - 03:29 AM

          Wow... I agree with everyone who said that it's FI's responsibility to set boundaries. If she's calling 12 times a day, he needs to let it ring at least 11 of those times. And he needs to let her know that criticisms of his wife to be won't be tolerated. I would discuss with him what behaviors will not fly with you, and what the two of you think is the best way to handle it and what consequences will result if your MIL keeps pushing.

          If all else fails, try to find her a man. Maybe she'll be less all up on your man if she has one of her own!

          #15 Vallarta_2009

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            Posted 21 July 2009 - 08:33 AM

            I agree with Sapphire, I think the best way to deal with the constant contact is to stop answering the phone! If you keep answering they will keep calling. Your starting a new life together and while that does include your MIL, it doesn't include her 24/7 or her negative attitude.

            #16 *Meagan*

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              Posted 22 July 2009 - 05:55 PM

              Oh man all mighty! Good luck girl! I think you should book her the lowest class room, YOUR paying for it! let her think she is getting the best room ever, and then to her sweet little surprise, she is in the basic perfectly fine standard room!!!!!!

              I second what courtney boo said Id be a smart ass with a smile.. ooH it would ruffle her feathers! My fmil is not too bad but she lives almost 2 hours from us. But my best friends MIL is a psycho. Opinions where not needed and her son is perfect and my friend is practically an idiot to this woman. I always tell my friend to stick up for herself and give it right back its the only way she will learn!!!

              What is it with MIL's??

              #17 jajajaja

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                Posted 22 July 2009 - 05:57 PM

                Oh geez. I will never ever talk about my MIL again!

                I agree with the girls. Your FI HAS to put his foot down and not let her bully the both of you. That's exactly what's she's doing. If he has an honest discussion and she plays the "mean" card, that's just her being manipulative. He needs to recognize that and get over the guilt.

                My mother can be a tad overbearing. She's ADHD and would seriously call anytime she had a thought. I don't answer my phone and she stopped calling me. My sister gets phone calls all day long, because she tolerates it and allows her to do it. If I were you, no phone calls answered unless it's convenient for you.

                Also, that is SOOO out of line for her to make comments about your house- even if it WAS dirty. If she's going to be distant, aloof and straight up nasty, then she needs to keep herself over at her OWN house. I seriously wouldn't tolerate that shit. I would demand respect and if she can't give it, well then it's her loss when you guys stop talking to her and putting her furniture together. That is beyond wrong.

                Have a heart to heart with your FI. Let him know how much this bothers you. Tell him that if his mom can't be civil to you, then you don't want to be around her. It's his responsibility to rein his mom in. You should not be put in this situation and you shouldn't have to tolerate it just because she's your FMIL. You DESERVE respect- even if she doesn't like you.
                Happily married since 2008

                #18 *Lo*

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                  Posted 22 July 2009 - 06:16 PM

                  Wow seriously lots of people complain about their MIL's but yours is definitely in the top 10.

                  If she wants to come over and clean your house though, just ignore her comments and let her clean it. Whatever, that way you don't have to!! It is disrespectful clearly, but if you can try and just ignore the stuff and not take it personally then you will be able to relax a bit.

                  It's so hard because if you stand up to her, then it may create a problem forever for you and your FI. So definitely get him on board with whatever you feel is reasonable. If she went ahead and booked the most expensive room I would definitely discuss that you cannot afford it. So you will be happy to pay for the standard room, and if she wants to upgrade she can pay the difference.

                  #19 brandynd

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                    Posted 22 July 2009 - 10:40 PM

                    Thanks for the advice ladies! It's so nice to know that there's a place that I can go and just vent without the risk of upsetting FI. I know he tries to keep his mom in check, but she's quite a handful and it can be difficult. Every time I approach the topic of "momma" I always get heated, so we've come to somewhat of an understanding....he keeps her in line or I don't come around.
                    It's the only solution we can come up with where I don't have to go on the defensive, and I don't have to be passive agressive with her. Not much of a solution at all, but at least he knows what's going on. I just don't think I'll ever be her favorite person, and that's okay, but a bit more respect on her end would be nice. Oh well.
                    There is no better gift that can be given than the gift of ones self.

                    #20 meghan

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                      Posted 22 July 2009 - 11:05 PM

                      wow, I really feel for you. That must be horrible. Does your fiance think his mom is reasonable?




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