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How do you tell/ask MOH to step down


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#1 amanda&gabe2008

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    Posted 07 June 2007 - 11:42 AM

    Hi girls,

    i am having some problems with my MOH. She is just not being supportive nor doing anything for me at all.
    She refuses to try on dresses and complains about her weight.
    I sent her a list of "to do's" about a month ago and nothing has been done, nor has she even talked to me about it. No shower plans, no bachelorette party, no help with engagement annoucements, no help with STD's- nothing.
    In her defense- she has gone with me dress shopping, however NEVER likes anything that i do.

    i am not a confrontational person, however i think i have to make a decision.

    we are having all sorts of problems trying to secure group pricing with the airfare and hotel rates. she hasnt even talked to me about her travel plans- i dont even know if she is going.....i am really stressed out....

    Help.......

    #2 Heidi

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      Posted 07 June 2007 - 11:43 AM

      talk to Lisa!!! (lryates76)
      Married April 4, 2008 at the Riu Ocho Rios!

      #3 Christine

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      Posted 07 June 2007 - 11:49 AM

      mine was like that at first and when I changed my plans to have a closer wedding, she finally broke down and told me she was truly having a hard time with the money it would have cost to go to Jamaica and that she just didn't know how to tell me that it would have been a hardship to go.
      Christine + Will (married 7/20/07) + Ainsleigh (born 6/25/08) + Nolan (born 11/9/10) + Delaney (born 12/31/13) = One Very Happy Family!

      #4 jak27

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        Posted 07 June 2007 - 11:52 AM

        Quote:
        Originally Posted by hln321
        talk to Lisa!!! (lryates76)
        That's what I was thinking!

        Anyway, I think the best thing to do in this situation is to be honest with her. Maybe she is feeling the financial burden and doesn't want to tell you, maybe she's busy with something else, maybe she doesn't realize how important it is to you, etc...

        Man I'm glad I'm not having bridesmaids...you shouldn't be worrying about all of this, she should be more supportive and hones with you!

        Be honest with her, since you expect the same in return!

        #5 CourtneyV

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          Posted 07 June 2007 - 11:53 AM

          That definately sucks... but know that if you tell/ask her to step down from the MOH position, you may lose her friendship. I know she's being difficult, but just be prepared for this. Even if it doesn't happen right away (aka she doesn't spaz), things might get awkward and then the friendship will fade.

          I think if you go for lunch with her (and IMHO, this need to be done in person), and explain why you're feeling the way you are and then ask her if she is feeling too much pressure to be the MOH, and if she'd instead like to be just a bridesmaid, or even just a guest - then that'd be fine with you. That way, you may motivate her to step up to her tasks, or she'll fold and step down from the position. If you need to revisit this again later, do so - but I think it needs to be treated delicately. She may be being a complete hassle with this, but you don't want to hurt her feelings or your friendship, do you? She may just need a push in the right direction - whether it be stepping up to the task, or stepping down from the title.

          Good luck!!
          Happily Married since May 9, 2008
          Proud Mama to Evelyn Eileen since June 8, 2010

          #6 LadyP

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            Posted 07 June 2007 - 11:58 AM

            I agree with the other giirls.

            #7 MikkiStreak

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              Posted 07 June 2007 - 12:11 PM

              Is it possible she doesn't feel like it's a rush because your wedding is over 10 months away?

              I don't know about other people, but maybe it would be better to approach a conversation with her more from the stand-point of, 'when do you feel this should happen or that should happen'.... maybe her point of view is very different from yours and if you can find a middle ground, you won't have to go through asking her to step down...

              #8 Rachelle E.

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                Posted 07 June 2007 - 01:18 PM

                Yeah, I'm kind of on the same page as Maria. She really may not feel a sense of urgency about some of this because the wedding is still a little way off. Definitely talk to her about it and see what her thoughts are. Yes, BM dresses are important - but you can order those 6-7 months out and still have plenty of time. So don't rush/put pressure on yourself. Take it one task at a time.

                Also, just another thought. I'm not sure what items were on the "to-do" list that you gave her. But you'll want to be thoughtful about what you delegate and to whom. If you're asking for her opinions on things (STD's, dresses, photog options etc.) then I think it would be nice of her to respond in a timely manner. But if it's stuff like you're asking her to make calls for you, speak to vendors etc. then she might be a little overwhelmed and/or intimidated. Just something to keep in mind when you're asking for help w/ various tasks during all the planning. She should be there to help, but you don't want to accidentally put too much on her plate.

                Def. have a heart-to-heart with her like the girls said see what up before you "fire" her.

                And keep us posted!! :-)

                #9 JulieG

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                  Posted 07 June 2007 - 01:22 PM

                  Quote:
                  Originally Posted by MikkiStreak
                  Is it possible she doesn't feel like it's a rush because your wedding is over 10 months away?

                  I don't know about other people, but maybe it would be better to approach a conversation with her more from the stand-point of, 'when do you feel this should happen or that should happen'.... maybe her point of view is very different from yours and if you can find a middle ground, you won't have to go through asking her to step down...
                  Ditto, this is what I was going to say, so I am glad I kept reading. When I read your post I looked at your wedding date right away, and I thought, she has so much time. I would tell her that you want to start arranging these things and talking about them and ask her if she and when she can/will do them. That way you will know where she is, and then if she has any issues, you will know by how she answers her questions.

                  Does that make sense?

                  #10 michelle08

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                    Posted 07 June 2007 - 01:38 PM

                    I think all the girls pretty much covered it.

                    I would just remember that not everyone is as efficient as you might be (whether it's because you are that type of person or because you have a more vested interest because it's your wedding). You know your MOH and how she is, and you need to ask yourself is she this type of person who is a planner and an organizer and get's things done? Or is she a procrastinator and a flake or a "go-with-the-flow" type of person? This makes a big difference!!!

                    As much as you might want her to assume these important responsibilities, you may have deligated the wrong person for the job. If you are actually expecting your MOH and bridesmaids to help plan this with you versus just standing up there and being there, then you really need to consider if they are the right person for the job.

                    On another note...money could be a big part of it. I was supposed to be in my friends wedding last October in Hawaii!! I really wanted to go and I just had too much going on financially and I had to tell her that I couldn't go! It sucked...and I know she was a little dissapointed but no hard feelings now. She put me in charge of planning her bachelorette party instead so I could be involved and I am a planner anyway so it was fun!!

                    I am only have siblings in my wedding because they are family and they have to be there!!!

                    Like the other girls said...be honest and up front w/ her. She should really be up front w/ you but obviously she isn't so it's up to you unfortunately!

                    Sorry so long! :)




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