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Ugh.... why can't a party member just tell you!

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#1 Jacilynda

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    Posted 02 July 2009 - 09:50 AM

    I feel like alot of us vent about our party hiding, or lying to us. Why?! I get that they don't want to disappoint us, but really its more disappointing to have something hidden from us, or lied to only to be let down in the end.

    I have 1 month to go! I leave in 29 days woohoo! Well, I've been really stressed lately which I hate, I'm not a person who really stresses or worries, I figure whatever thats the way it is and et it go, but weddings really bring out everything, right!

    We've had TONS of unexpected budget issues lately, not going there long story. i was very stressed because I work in FFILs lab running samples for companies for him, and get paid after the project is finished. So i get paid every 6 weeks, but quite a bit every 6 weeks. Well the last company was 12 weeks late paying me. I have a set that is supposed to be paid for by next week, its a different company and that was an unusual situation, but w/ all the unexpected budget issues i NEED to have this money to pay for the rest of our wedding and be set to go. I was really really stressing about this, well after talking w/ Joe's Aunt the other night she told me to quit stressing and if i wasn't paid on the date i was supposed to be to call her and she would immediately transfer me the money.... aww. now i really don't want to ask her, but its nice knowing everything will be just fine!

    So it's actually been a really good week! Stress free, and lovin' it! Well last night I found out 2 of my 4 BM's may not be coming! What, we leave in a few weeks!

    So one is in the Marines, she chose not to come home over 4th of July in hopes it would help her get time for Mexico. Now she's been telling Joe and I (she's Joe's younger sister) that she just needed details to book her flights and she was waiting to see if one of her friends wants to come so they can work it out together. I've kinda known that she might not just cause of the military and getting leave, and what not. I'm really not that upset about this, I know she'll do what she can and I hope she can make it.

    On the other hand Joe's older sister is a whole 'nother story. Let me give you a little background. Joe's mom was previously married and had 3 children, Joe's older sister & his 2 older brothers. Then she got divorced and remarried to Joes dad and they had Joe and his younger sister. Joe's older sister was alot of trouble and when she was 12 she went to live w/ her dad about 8 hrs from us, Joe was 5 at the time. Well one day Joes mom went to see her and she wasnt at her dads house and she confronted her ex about it and he said oh she moved to California w/ her boyfriend!!!!! She was 16! Well while living in Cali w/ her BF she was dealing drugs. I guess they would bring drugs from Cali back to Montana. And they got caught. I guess really her boyfriend sold drugs to an undercover cop. She wasn't the dealer but of course guilty by association. She was 20 yrs old at the time. Well she was sentenced to 3 years in prison and her BF was sentenced to 14 yrs. They made some kind of deal and she agreed to a larger charge and served 7 years so her BF would only have to serve 8yrs. DUMB! Anyways she finally got out of prison 2 years ago. She's really got it together and hasn't broken any probation rules, etc. She is engaged and her BF lives in Cali and she's getting ready to move there. She's decided to wait to move because she has such good relations here w/ her PO and such and knew if she went to Cali they most certainly wouldn't let her leave the country to Mexico!

    Well last month she booked her and her FI's flights to Mexico and was saving for their hotel, went and got her passport, etc. I was assuming since she did all of this she was given approval to leave the country. Joe's mom told me last night she was DENIED!!!! I guess she's appealing but the likelihood of her being approved this time in the next couple of weeks seems slim to me. I just don't know why she hasn't told me about this or kept me informed especially since we're pretty close. Why would she buy her passport and flights if she wasn't even sure she could come?

    I'm really not stressed about it, just upset she hasn't even told me about it all. I'm prepping myself for the news of losing 2 BM's!!!

    I'll also mention, I'm sure some of you are thinking oh great she's marrying into a family of felons! But I LOVE this family it is a GREAT supportive family. Both parents have PhD's, the oldest was a pharmacist before prison and is doing well now, the 2nd oldest is a cop, the 3rd just finished college in Thailand and is the best uncle in the world to Cattie he comes and sees her everyday not us just her, then their is Joe who has a great job and of course me! HA, and then the youngest is a marine who we are very proud of. This family visited the oldest EVERY weekend while she was in prison. I'm serious they didn't miss one weekend for 7 years and that's a family I'm proud to soon call my own!

    Thanks for listening!

    #2 Jacilynda

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      Posted 02 July 2009 - 09:54 AM

      oh i guess I said 2 of the 4 may not be coming, but i guess 3 of the 4 may not. My MOH (my lil sis) is 7 months preggers and her dr has said yes but will check her just before leaving and give a definite answer.

      What if 3 of my girls don't come..............

      #3 tylersgirl

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        Posted 02 July 2009 - 10:00 AM

        Jac-I am very, very sorry that you are going through this especially right before the wedding. I know it will all work out for you in the end and you and Joe will have a wonderful, gorgeous wedding. I was lied to by a really close friend about coming to my wedding and it hurts! I am very sorry and I am sending tons of *hugs* to you. Don't get stressed out girlie. I am a big believer in everything happens for a reason and don't worry. Just get excited! You don't have long at all! XOXO P.S. Joe's family sounds wonderful!

        #4 NYCBridetoBe1909

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          Posted 02 July 2009 - 10:01 AM

          Awww, I'm going through something very similar, and I can relate. If three of the four don't come, then what will happen is....well, you'll still be marrying your best friend. You'll still have a blast at the resort, you'll still look beautiful, he will still be the happiest man on earth.

          See, nothing much changes, but the surprise is tough, especially when these are coming up last minute.

          I've got my fingers crossed for you!

          #5 ~Nicole~

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            Posted 02 July 2009 - 10:02 AM

            Oh wow! Jacilynda, I think you're handling it very well! That's a lot of stuff going on but you seem very level headed about it - so congrats on that!!!!
            Yeah, I don't understand why the sister would make all of the arrangements etc when she wasn't approved yet! The only thing I can think of is that she knew her confirmation of approved or denied was going to come in really close to the departure date and she didn't want to take any chances.
            I totally hear you on the "hiding things from us". I guess they "think" that they're protecting us from being hurt, but you're right.....in the end its just worse.
            Good luck!
            *Formerly Nikki07*
            My Planning Thread

            #6 tylersgirl

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              Posted 02 July 2009 - 10:02 AM

              I am just having 1 BM-my sister, well she is the MOH too. Don't worry about just having one BM it will be just fine

              #7 montegobay09

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                Posted 02 July 2009 - 10:04 AM

                Wow, I can tell you truly admire the love this family has for each other. No judgment here!! Everyone has a part of their life that's not as "pretty" as they'd like!

                As for the bridesmaids I hope everything works out and they all end up making it but in the end if they don't I wouldn't worry about it. I had 2 or my 4 BM's come and DH had 3 of 4 GM come. We made it work! Our MOH and BM walked up the aisle together and my other BM had 2 GM..one on each arm. All that I really cared about in the end was that everyone who did come felt special and that we had witnesses to sign our marriage certificate! You'll still have a blast and your day will still be perfect no matter what happens!

                Good luck with it all! Hopefully the drama dies down soon!

                #8 Jacilynda

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                  Posted 02 July 2009 - 10:13 AM

                  Thanks girls!!!

                  I'm surprised I'm not stressed, just kinda bummed. I REALLY hope my girls make it! The one girl I know will be there is the girl who quit on me and then came back... But you're right as long as Joe is there it doesn't matter!

                  It was starting to build up and I thought I'll take a few minutes to vent and now i feel TONS better!

                  I LOVE how BDW is soooo helpful especially in just letting me let it out sometimes!

                  #9 jetsbride

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                    Posted 02 July 2009 - 10:17 AM

                    Jaclyn - Like Desiree said everything happens for a reason. Just remember that the day is about you and Joe beginning your life together. Although it is nice to have everyone there, we all know life doesn't always work out as planned. You and Joe are going to have an amazing wedding day, wedding trip and life together. Try to think of the positives, I know, easier said then done.

                    I am thinking of you though and keeping my fingers crossed that eveyone gets to go and your dream wedding is a reality!

                    #10 Amarillis

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                      Posted 02 July 2009 - 11:24 AM


                      It really is ok to be bummed out... I would be too. The reasons your BM's are citing are valid --- versus other reason's we've heard.

                      Hang in there girlfriend. We are here for you!

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