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To Invite or Not to Invite?


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#1 PVBride

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    Posted 04 June 2007 - 10:07 AM

    Hi,

    My parents would like to throw FI and I an Engagement Party on Labor Day weekend. They are going to call it a "Pre-Weeding Fiesta" and we will NOT be asking for gifts.

    My question is....

    Is it okay to invite guests that are not invited to the wedding??

    We are having a small ceremony, and only invited immediate family and wedding party. We would like to find a way to include everyone else, and thought this might be a good time. (We have decided not to have an AHR).

    Thanks for your help! Jackie

    #2 Lizzy

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      Posted 04 June 2007 - 10:31 AM

      Sorry, but everything I have read says that you do not invite folks that will not be invited to your wedding. My daughter's engagement party is this coming Sunday and her hosts only invited guest that will be on the wedding list.
      Are you sure you don't want to celebrate with everyone at an AHR? It doesn't need to be fancy...a barbeque or cocktails and appetizers? That is really the only way you can have all of the people you want, by having the 2 parties.

      Lizzy
      For the dance, at the reception, Maggie wore her crinoline and a lovely lace top. Looks like Tadd likes it!

      Professional Photography by Michael B.www.michaelbstudio.comMinneapolis, MN

      #3 CourtneyV

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        Posted 04 June 2007 - 10:40 AM

        Oooh, I've been wondering this myself!!!

        Lizzy, etiquette wise, why is there a difference between a bon voyage party and an AHR? I would have thought they be treated the same way..?
        Happily Married since May 9, 2008
        Proud Mama to Evelyn Eileen since June 8, 2010

        #4 michelle08

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          Posted 04 June 2007 - 10:48 AM

          I have also thought about this....I don't see why there should be a difference between a Reception at home when you get back and a pre-wedding party (bon voyage). Why don't you call it a pre-wedding reception instead of an engagement party and then it has to be the same thing!!

          I actually have considered turning my bridal shower into a co-ed shower but basically call it a pre-wedding party. Once I am married...I don't want to have to drag it out and celebrate again!! That is why I am more interested in doing something prior to the wedding for those people who can't make it. This way you are already in the wedding mind frame and you can just work it in!

          Jackie, I say go for it! After all, not to sound mean but when we all decided to have a DW...I think traditional went out the window :)

          #5 PVBride

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            Posted 04 June 2007 - 10:52 AM

            Michelle, I LOVE your idea of pre-wedding reception.

            Also, I have been researching this all morning and found this on The Knot -

            "Generally, we say that those who are invited to a wedding shower should also be invited to the wedding... But since you are having such a tiny wedding, the rules change a bit. In this case your shower will serve as a way to celebrate your upcoming marriage with those you cannot invite to your wedding. Guests should not be offended when they realize that your wedding ceremony and reception will consist of only 20 people -- so do make sure that they are aware of this! If, however, you are having a large celebration and your shower guests are left out, they would most certainly be offended."

            Hope that may help you too, Nini_bride!

            #6 DreaW

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              Posted 04 June 2007 - 11:37 AM

              From what I understand it is not really good to invite people to a pre party (example: Bridal Shower, ect...) if they are not invited to the actual wedding. My mother said it's basically like saying hi come celebrate with me at the pre-party but you're not invited to the actual party.
              Some people can get really offended.
              On the other hand the AHR is the time where you invite everyone. It's after the fact and they won't feel that bad, especially when you say the wedding was for immediate family only.
              You could also video tape your ceremony to show at the AHR so people can feel like they were there.

              JMO (just my opinion).

              drea

              This is what we decided to do.

              #7 kay726

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                Posted 04 June 2007 - 11:40 AM

                Quote:
                Originally Posted by DREA14369
                From what I understand it is not really good to invite people to a pre party (example: Bridal Shower, ect...) if they are not invited to the actual wedding. My mother said it's basically like saying hi come celebrate with me at the pre-party but you're not invited to the actual party.
                Some people can get really offended.
                On the other hand the AHR is the time where you invite everyone. It's after the fact and they won't feel that bad, especially when you say the wedding was for immediate family only.
                You could also video tape your ceremony to show at the AHR so people can feel like they were there.

                JMO (just my opinion).

                drea

                This is what we decided to do.
                We are having a AHR for the same reason. We had a bonvoage party with only the people who were going to be attending the wedding and the AHR was for everyone else. We plan on having a continous slide show of the wedding during the reception.

                #8 SusanK

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                  Posted 04 June 2007 - 11:47 AM

                  IMHO I think you should only invite people to the pre-party if they are invited to the wedding.
                  Susan&Matt 10-12-07, Mia Lily 7-9-08, Charlie David 6-28-10

                  #9 ajncooter

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                    Posted 04 June 2007 - 12:48 PM

                    we are doing the same thing... but we are calling it a coed-shower and we will be inviting both people that will be traveling and not.. we are not having any other events so i think its a great way to incude the people that cant travel or afoord the travel!

                    #10 CourtneyV

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                      Posted 04 June 2007 - 12:52 PM

                      Quote:
                      Originally Posted by ajncooter
                      we are doing the same thing... but we are calling it a coed-shower and we will be inviting both people that will be traveling and not.. we are not having any other events so i think its a great way to incude the people that cant travel or afoord the travel!
                      Does that mean the people you've invited that aren't traveling, or have you included people that you didn't invite to the wedding as well?
                      Happily Married since May 9, 2008
                      Proud Mama to Evelyn Eileen since June 8, 2010




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