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Bridesmaid trouble

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#1 mmk1185

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    Posted 26 May 2009 - 11:48 AM

    I recently went to lunch with my fiance's sister-in-law. We get along really well but are not very close. Right at the end of our meal she asked me if she was going to be one of my BMs. I was completely thrown off and told her I hadn't decided what I was going to do yet.
    I originally had planned to have my best friend and my fiances sister (who I am VERY close to) as BMs, and that was it. I don't know how to tell her my plans without hurting her feelings. Or maybe I should just let her be apart of the wedding? Please help!

    #2 YaelM


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      Posted 26 May 2009 - 12:01 PM

      The same thing happened to me! It super awkward but I would stick to what you want to do. I agree with MegaShay and maybe have her be incorporated in the ceremony another way. Good Luck!

      #3 foxytv

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        Posted 26 May 2009 - 12:01 PM

        Your fiance's SIL asked about being a BM? That is RIDICULOUS to me unless you guys were close - but actually ASKING if you are going to be a BM is ssoo tacky to begin with, IMHO. I would absolutely NOT have her in the wedding just to "not hurt her feelings." You will likely regret it ... especially if you don't think she is someone you want standing up for you. Even if you guys do get along ok, it's about who YOU want to be a part of your day in that special way - not if they think they should be entitled to be a part of it.

        #4 boscobel

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          Posted 26 May 2009 - 12:04 PM

          Wow, that takes alot of nerve! I wouldn't have her in your wedding out of fear of hurting her feelings, you should have the people that you want in your wedding. I agree with Megan that you can have her participate in other ways. Or not at all, if you don't want to! And I don't think you should have to explain your choices, but if you feel that you have to, tell her that you are keeping it a small and intimate wedding party.

          #5 jk1101

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            Posted 26 May 2009 - 12:28 PM

            Wow - I can't believe she actually asked you if she was in your wedding - very tacky and rude. If she has to ask, she should know she's not in it. You aren't under any obligation to have anyone in your wedding, especially FI SIL, especially if you aren't close. You can, as Megan said, have her do a reading, but again, if you aren't close, do you really want her to have a part in your ceremony, just to appease her?

            #6 JOSIE

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              Posted 26 May 2009 - 12:55 PM

              I agree with the other girls and would tell her that you've decided you want a really small and intimiate bridal party and you hope her feelings are not hurt. Play it off like your vision is to have 2 people and as long as you voice that you still enjoy her company and you don't want her to be offeded, I'm sure she'll be fine!

              Good Luck!

              #7 DanielleNDerek

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                Posted 26 May 2009 - 12:59 PM

                I think its pretty weird of her to ask you that. But i wouldnt worry about hurting her feelings. if you add someone than your fi will feel like he has to add someone, you know these things end up mulitplying. i would stick to your guns and have the 2 you wanted. Just let her know your having a DW and really just wanted a small bridal party and maybe if you want invite her to help you get ready on your wedding day.
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                #8 *Nadine*

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                  Posted 26 May 2009 - 01:01 PM

                  I almost had a friend b/c I knew she would be hurt if she wasnt in my wedding (I was the MOH in hers) but then I didnt think that was fair to my other friends who were my best friends and would have to have in place of one of them. In the end I didnt have her, and I can honestly say we are barely friends anymore b/c of it, which just goes to show I made the right decision if thats all it took for her to end a friendship. You have who YOU want to have. Its your day and you get to choose the people who are beside you, noone else does.

                  #9 KristinaM

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                  Posted 26 May 2009 - 01:05 PM

                  Wow, that's a toughie because I can't believe she just came out and asked like that. I agree with the other girls- you absolutely shouldn't feel obligated but can include her in other ways if you wish. She really should understand that it's a destination wedding and you wanted a small wedding party.

                  #10 heartbeat

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                    Posted 26 May 2009 - 01:06 PM

                    In the end it's your day and you should have the people that you want in your wedding. I actually had to recently tell a friend that she was not going to be in my wedding and i just polity said actually i'm only having blah blah blah (that i've been close with for years, she was someone who i met about 2 years ago) I'm not sure if i hurt her felling but she said she understood. You are going to have tons of bridal party pictures and you want those to represent the people you wanted in your wedding.

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