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Need Advice- Should I change location to cater to a select set of guests?

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#1 staceysbride

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    Posted 10 May 2009 - 12:34 PM

    Hello all,

    Need advice on how to handle a situation with the wedding. We are booked to get married at the Excellence Riveria Cancun on June 10 2010. We picked an all inclusive adults only resort because that was what was important to us. We don't have kids (and no disrespect meant to those who do at the moment and travel with them because we know that will be us one day) and the idea of trying to have a romantic dinner or stroll around the pool/beach while some poor kid has a meltdown nearby was just not appealing to us. We know that one day we will have our own kids and we are basically trying to enjoy travel without them while we still can. We also wanted someplace where the airfare would be reasonable for our guests- as well as lodging- and then once they got to the resort everything they wanted to eat and drink was taken care of. We thought Mexico because it was a place neither of us has been and we liked the idea of our honeymoon being in a location that is new to both of us.

    That said it was brought to my attention that I have left two children out of the planning. One is the child of a close friend but due to her becoming a widow in the past couple years and thus a single parent, I wasn't sure she would come. The other is my youngest stepbrother. He will only be 13 at the time of the wedding. In both cases, with their local school board rules being what they are- I wasn't sure the parents would * want * to try and yank their kids out of school merely for a wedding.

    I feel that there is pressure on me to change the location to a resort that allows children so that he can attend. As it is, it was basically said to me that if I picked the wrong date/weekend in June, dad and stepmom would not be there because older stepbrother graduates from HS that month. So I already had to get married in the middle of the week and a week earlier than I wanted to in order to accomodate other schedules.

    Without going into a deep discussion of family dynamics and all that, it's basically coming across as I change or dad and stepmom will not be happy nor in attendance. This is a recent marriage of 2 years, dad and stepmom have been together for about 5 total. Stepbrothers didn't gorw up with me or anything as I was already away at college and now medical school so they only see me maybe twice a year. Older stepbrother will be 18 by then so he is not affected. Younger stepbrother doesn't care- he thinks weddings are boring and only likes to go 'for the food and dancing'. Though, I am closer to younger stepbrother. Stepmother was saying that they were willing to book at a family friendly resort in the area and then just pay day passes to come, but when she realizes adults only means even at the wedding, she will most likely not be happy.

    No guests have booked at the moment because they're all hearing mexico and all they can think of is 'swine flu' but DFH and I have already put our money down. Yes, we have travel insurance and can cancel, but it would be a hassle. Also, if it matters- parents are not contributing in any way to this wedding.

    Any ideas? Should I stay with the resort we chose and is what we want, or rebook at a resort we don't want in order to please family?

    Thanks in advance,

    mods: if this is not in the right area, please feel free to move to the right place and my apologies for placing it in the wrong category.

    #2 Vikki

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      Posted 10 May 2009 - 01:37 PM

      You need to do what will make your day special. Can you have a heart to hear with your Dad and tell him how important it is to you that he be there to walk you down the aisle? (If that's a big deal for you). Or, is it possible that you could talk to your TA about resort close where they could stay so they could attend? Lots of adult only resorts do allow day passes for children to attend weddings. Then plan some off resort activities that the family can be involved in?

      I hope that helps and good luck.

      #3 itsfinallyhere

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        Posted 10 May 2009 - 01:40 PM

        Hi, tough choice, but I think it boils down to how important it is to have these people with you. If it matters that much you will change locals. How young is the other one? There are resorts that allow young adults but not children to stay at the resort. If all the children are over 14 I think that you could have a few choices available. But again it is what is most important to you. But if you do change your venue then be prepared some people may feel offended as they think you really don't want them to come because you did not extent the invite to their family. Especially if child care is an issue. Good Luck

        #4 super19

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          Posted 10 May 2009 - 05:53 PM

          I think you should do what you want to do. If you want an adults only, then stick with it. It's impossible to make everyone happy. If you change your course due to every complaint you will end up with a wedding that doesn't make you happy.

          Good luck!

          #5 keilag

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            Posted 10 May 2009 - 05:57 PM

            wow. Have you make a decision yet?

            #6 *Nadine*

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              Posted 11 May 2009 - 05:56 PM

              This decision has to be YOUR decision, not anyone else's. Just like when other people plan their weddings, they don't talk to everyone first and find out what they all would prefer. Its your wedding, your choice. You will never find somewhere that makes everyone happy, its just how it is. If its really important that your one friend be there and that your dad and step mom be there, then you might need to reevaluate your decision, but if thats not a huge factor, then stick with where you are. Just make sure wherever you book, it is where the people that you want there, will be there.

              #7 TammyWright


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              Posted 11 May 2009 - 06:05 PM

              it really is your decision to do what is right for you but you do have to keep in mind that your dad and stepdad have to do what is right for them.

              by not including your step-brother in your wedding, you are really going to alienate you step-mom and probably your dad as well (because i am sure he is gonna hear it from her

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              #8 foxytv

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                Posted 11 May 2009 - 06:39 PM

                I truly think that a DW should be about what you and your future spouse want. Any wedding should be more about the two of you than about the guests - although the guests certainly need to be taken into consideration.

                If an adults-only resort is what is MOST important to you - then stick to your guns. Your Dad and Stepmom can stay at a kid-friendly resort ... and perhaps that means only Dad can come to the wedding. Or what about only Dad coming and staying at the adults-only resort. Would he not take the trip without his wife - even for his daughters wedding?

                What we did was married at a resort where anyone was welcome - we wanted our nephews to be able to come and didn't mind kids at our wedding resort - but then we moved to a more adult-oriented resort for our honeymoon.

                I know you are in a tough spot. Bottom line is that you are not going to be able to please everyone - but it's up to you a FH to decide what is MOST important to you.

                Have you talked to your Dad to see if its an 'all or nothing' situation? I really can't imagine your father missing your wedding b/c his step-son can't come. That would be very sad...

                #9 staceysbride

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                  Posted 11 May 2009 - 08:00 PM

                  Thank you all for your insight and responses....and also important to me was just to hear that people understood and I have someplace where I can come for support.

                  I haven't talked to my dad and stepmom yet as I just got an email back from the WC there at the Excellence and they stick hard and fast to their policy about 18 and over- so no 14 or 15 year olds on day passes. This is hard for me because I know that it would cause a huge uproar if he wasn't able to come, but I don't want another resort. It would be added expense for us (we're staying long enough at the resort that our wedding, if we take the basic level, is paid for just for being there) to change our resort, stay at some place just for a ceremony, then move to another resort for the honeymoon. I guess there is going to be no easy way to stop family war from happening.

                  Again, thank you all so much for listening, I really appreciate it!

                  #10 ErinB


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                    Posted 11 May 2009 - 08:13 PM

                    Would your Dad's entire family come anyway? I know that in the early stages, everyone is all about the wedding and won't miss it for the world. When it comes time to actually put the cash down, the story often changes.

                    Tammy does have a very good point that you don't want to cause a rift in the family that will last much longer than your wedding week. But, I hate to see you stress over something that may or may not happen, KWIM?

                    Having an adult only wedding & resort was very important to us and I understood that I would have some guests unable to attend because they had young children. It wasn't noticeable that children were absent, but it was so nice to not have to think about and notice them.

                    Talk to your dad and get his opinion. If you do want to change resorts, I think switching to an AO for your honeymoon is a great compromise.

                    Good Luck!

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