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Amelie

Did you ever have doubts?

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Amelie,

 

FI and i are from pretty different financial backgrounds too, and in the past it caused some stress. we got into some pretty big arguments. i think right now i've adopted the - in the end, as long as we're together, that's enough - it helps me focus on what it is that really is important in life. Hopefully FI is willing to take steps to amend the problem too! liiiiiiiike... by being less of a cheap ass. :P Is he open to the suggestion, or is he more just... unwilling to move? cuz if he's unwilling to even consider where you're coming from, that's a whole different issue.

 

For me, i also find that when something comes up as a "money" problem btwn FI and me, it actually might be just a disguise for something else - me feeling like he doesn't care about me cuz he isn't willing to spend $ on something for us/me. i try to keep in mind that i'm just taking it personally, and that's just the way he was raised re: $. it doesn't work all the time, but we have our whole lives to work on it right? :P (wish me luck. we're talking about the wedding add-ons this week. ><)

 

JaimeLynne,

 

Thanks so much for suggesting that book. FI and i aren't even married yet, but i feel like it's better to prevent problems than to fix them, right? haha.. i'm very excited to pick it up. Do you think it's applicable for relationships in general too, or just marriage?

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Honestly, money is an issue in most relationships. The keys to making it work are to communicate, respect each others views & be willing to compromise :) I think every little conflict thats positively resolved in a r'ship has a way of drawing the couple closer, and makes those doubts fade.

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Hi there, I have to agree with Billybride. WOW what a lucky guy to get such a wise woman. I too have been in a long relationship, and thru the years we have had many issues arise money being one of them. Since most of us are not filthy rich we probably have all or are going to have an argument about it. Our marriages/relationships are based on so much more. Communication is the key. Without any relationship will fail and when day to day life seems to take over we get sucked under without every realizing it. A lot of us have also come together with some how is sooooo different from where we started but it does not have to get in the way. Instead of clashing about things try complementing each other on things and I mean in general (personality wise). At times I am the cheap one..... example I tend to save money where I can. I am always looking for the deals I hate paying full price for anything. He on the other hand is like if you see it, want it , we can afford it , buy it. If it is not on sale I will wait or look for a cheaper price somewhere else. Needless to say his attitude is working fab for the wedding LOL. If you find a way to always work together you will stay together. My last word of advice...... If something is worth having, it is worth working for. Anything that comes to easy is usually not worth the while. I know it is hard but try not to worry.

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I have a hard time believeing that even though you have a great relationship, asking yourself if it will last or hoping this does not ever cross one's mind. ESEPCIALLY when it comes to the "For Worse" part of the commitment. I concur totally with Savannah that it is completely natural to wonder, but do not obsess over it, as I also think that you are what you become so if you dwell on something long enough, somehow you make it a reality. If you have the commitment to each other than it is half the battle, love hangs on and ties a knot when you reach the end sometimes.

 

As far as the money situation, we use a simple solution. We have 4 accounts- joint checking to pay the bills, a joint savings and 2 separate accounts (individual accounts). As long as home is taken care of neither of us can grip about the money situation and be concerned about fighting over money. Home first and then you are free to do whatever you like with your individual. Sounds crazy perhaps but works for us.

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Every day

 

I go between thinking this is the best thing for me and then what the hell am I doing lol

 

I'm a realist too and happy ever after i've never seen so I take just one day at a time and see what happens

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hartyt509 View Post
Every day

I go between thinking this is the best thing for me and then what the hell am I doing lol
I loooooooove this response. Can totally relate :)

HAHA

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Having some doubt is totally normal. Before I got married to my husband Jay, I was a wreck. My doubts had nothing to do with Jay. I was married before and the divorce was devastating so taking the plunge again was scary. But I knew Jay was worth facing my fears. My gut told me so. Immediately after we married, I felt so much peace and happiness. Marrying Jay was the best decision ever. We will be celebrating our 2 year anniversary on 7/4/07. Just listen to your gut and try not to obsess.

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Quote:
Originally Posted by McToasty View Post
JaimeLynne,

Thanks so much for suggesting that book. FI and i aren't even married yet, but i feel like it's better to prevent problems than to fix them, right? haha.. i'm very excited to pick it up. Do you think it's applicable for relationships in general too, or just marriage?
Hi :) I think it's a great book for anyone to read, but especially good for romantic-like relationships (not just marriage, we started reading about 8 months before our wedding day, still not married yet!). He also has other books on raising emotionally healthy kids, etc. I LOVE THIS MAN!!! I seriously considered moving to Seattle to go work with him - it is all based on SCIENCE, which makes it totally different from other self help books. My FI is from an engineering background/family so it was GREAT for him to read, as well as me with my super analytical mind wink.gif

I think I misspelled his name though - I *think* there are 2 't's in Gottman, not one.

I hope you do read it and ENJOY!!! smile29.gif

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hartyt509 View Post
Every day

I go between thinking this is the best thing for me and then what the hell am I doing lol
rofl.gif I can definitely relate to this one too!

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Hi ladies if its books you like to read to help I have a great book and read! It's called "The Five Languages of Love" By Gary Chapman. It is a great book that help to understand how other express and give love. I found it really helpful when we were in trouble. It help us find a way back to each other. It gives you suggestions and quizzes. I highly recommend it.

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