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mrsm109

Cancelled Wedding???

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Quote:
Originally Posted by BillysBride View Post

He hasn't been treating you right and that much is obvious. The whole you-can't-go-unless-you're-married thing doesn't really ring true to me. What company takes the time to look into whose married and whose not if they are so big? It's not the military for cryin' out loud...significant other is significant enough for most shindigs.
okay, I agree with pretty much everything you just said. Now I specifically wanted to comment on this. I was just going to leave it alone because the truth is, I know in my heart, he'll apologize and kiss up for a couple of days and things will go back to normal. But I still just wanted to say that I do not for a second believe the whole "must be married" thing. I've never known of any company that does this. Most, if not all companies, will allow you and a guest at company events. It could be a friend or anybody. To be honest, I believe he asked out of obligation but assumed you wouldn't be able to make it, per usual. When you made a way to come, he was taken aback, and had to make up some excuse as to why you couldn't come. I wouldn't be surprised if he had invited someone else, or wanted to see someone else that he knew was going to be there. I think you know in your heart that this whole situation just isn't quite right, but you probably love him and maybe feel somewhat trapped, (kids/stay at home mom? or not enough income to make it on your own). My advice would still be to please think long and hard about whether marriage is the right thing to do with him. It's easier to walk away now than after you're married. I know it would be embarrassing to have to tell people you aren't getting married, but that's not good enough reason to settle and marry someone and be unhappy for years to come.

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after reading all these comments I agree that you don't want to just jump back into things. Money isn't anything in the long run, neither is pride. You should always feel wonderful when you are with the person you marry. I am not saying there aren't good times, but it really bothers me that he was embarrassed by you. That is a horrible thing to ever say to someone. I think you need to truly decide if you want to keep going through this situation for the rest of your life, it will happen again.

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I appreciate everyone's support, concern, and advice. And I know that a lot of what you are saying is 100% correct. I can't remember who said that I will never forget that he said he was embarrassed of me, you are right. It has kind of just stuck in my head. I won't forget it, but I will try to forgive. Why he said it, honestly I don't know. He says he said it out of anger in the middle of an argument, but that still doesn't make it ok. I do love him and I believe that for all the wonderful things that we have in our relationship that he does deserve a second chance. And that is what I'm trying to give him right now. I don't know what the future will bring, I hope it will be a healed heart and a wonderful lifelong marriage, but I am not blind to the fact that it will take work from both of us. There are things that are not optional that he will have to change, and I will have to learn how to forgive him and move on. For the wedding, right now I'm not going to think about that right now. I need to give it some time before I know for sure, because only time will tell if things truly change. Thank you again for everything. It is helpful to hear from people who don't have a vested interested in the situation.

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I'm so glad everyone here has been helpful for you. I went through something similar (had to postpone my wedding right before it was set to happen). Because I didn't know about this site then, I went to another site, with lots of women (and some men) who have had their weddings canceled on them, or have been the one with the cold feet. Its called There Goes The Bride (theregoesthebride.com, and click on forums). It definitely helped me through my difficult time. I'm so sorry this is happening to you....good luck with everything!

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My heart goes out to you. There is no easy answer right now, and your mind must be spinning.

 

Please understand that each and every person who posted a reply to you did because they care. While you might be a stranger to us, what you wrote touched us.

 

Your story touched a chord, because so many of us have been there, or watched friends and family who have been there. you are not alone in this. We want to help!

 

We want you to have everything that you deserve in life. This outpouring of posts to you, shows you that we have got your back! Sisterhood in action! Take a moment and digest that, because that is very powerful stuff.

 

No matter what anyone says to you, you have to make the decision that is best for you. Deep down in your gut, you know what that is. If you are not sure, then take some time, away from the kids, from him, from your friends and your family, and think.

 

How does he make you feel? We have heard about the horrible things that he said recently , and what he had done. Is this indicative of who he is, or is it a temporary blip? You know what the answer is to that question. If your friends and family knew what happened, what would they say? If his actions can not stand up to their litmus test, then his actions are wrong, and you need to take action.

 

If you spend any time unhappy, insecure, or frustrated because of your relationship with him, then end it now. It will not get better. you have to do this for your sake, but you also must do it for the sake of your children.

 

Believe me, I have been there, Except I did not listen to my gut and I did marry him, and suffered the consequences. It took many years to get over that. Please do not do that to yourself and your children.

 

There is hope! I am now with a wonderful man who treats me how I deserve to be treated, and I can be me, and be proud of it!

 

Whatever you do it must be your decision, but make sure that you are making it for the right reasons.

 

I hope that you take this message how it is intended, to be helpful, and to tellyou that you are not alone, and that you deserve the best life has to offer. It is up to you to make sure you get it.

 

Take good care of yourself and keep us posted.

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Good luck with everything, I hope everything works out for you. I am sure you will make the right decision for your kids and yourself. Keep us posted.

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