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My FI hates my cats

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#11 krayzeekitty

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    Posted 19 April 2009 - 09:37 PM

    My fiance did not like my kitties at first now they are his best buds - so just give it time. I would not suggest giving them away as you will miss them terribly and may have hard feelings towards him for it. I hope it works out for you.

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    #12 EngagedToBeMrsB

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      Posted 19 April 2009 - 09:51 PM

      Taking your cats or any pet for the matter to an apartment to stay would be extremely traumatizing for them and to be honest, a bit outrageous. You said that your FI was aware that the cats are part of the package so this is his time to continue understanding that. Pets are for life and they need you and they deserve to be happy and so do you. I would not even had put them in the basement as it sounds that one of your kitties is already having a lot of trouble dealing with that situation. Cats are not animals that are used to being confined..your FI should learn to see them more as children that need routine, socialization, and love. I hope that he learns to deal with this and best of luck to you.

      #13 Vikki

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        Posted 19 April 2009 - 10:12 PM

        Gotta weigh in on this one....

        I have 3 cats. Two of them I have had for 11 years. I don't have children, don't know if I will and these are my kids. They shed, they fuss (especially my vocal male Siamese!) and they sleep on the bed-but they are an irreplaceable part of me. I wouldn't be the same person without my cats, giving them up would be like losing a child-I've had them all of my adult life, much longer than I've had him. They are not "just animals".

        I'm assuming before he moved in he spent time at your house, he experienced the "cat hair" prevention measures you have to take and saw how much time they spent on the furniture or bed, ect. If he's not allergic to them I don't see any reason you should have to take drastic measures. Part of the problem might be that since the cats have moved into "his" space he's having trouble seeing all of these things transposed from your apartment into his home.

        Moving is traumatic on animals, especially if they're spending time closed in a basement away from you and the additional stress is probably part of the problem. You could consider a short-term course of medication like prozac to help the cats during the first couple of months, that could drastically cut down on the crying. I had a raccoon invasion in our yard a couple years ago and my Siamese was so upset seeing them from the window at night and smelling them that he started spraying and howling at night. I am not ok with houses that smell like cat so the vet suggested prozac and it solved the problem until we were able to get rid of the raccoon family.

        Lots of people have animals and keep a clean house. You can encourage the cats to sit on sheets if they are on furniture, get special places for them-like a nice cat post near a window with a bird feeder outside. Vacuuming every day or so as needed. Put cat hair rollers in key places like by the door so you can use them on the way out or near pieces of furniture your cats like to spend time on. I think you get my point.

        I hope you guys can work it out, if you have to give your cats up in the long run it will create resentment. You may be in a position now where you can keep up two apartments but that may not be practical forever and it's not fair to the cats. Keep us posted on what your resolution, we'll have our paws crossed for you.


        (And Star, and Sugarbear, and Mojo)

        #14 Sapphire723

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          Posted 19 April 2009 - 10:37 PM

          I think this is a very important issue to work out. If he knowingly agreed to a life with you PLUS cats, but isn't willing to work with you when things aren't perfect, it speaks volumes to what you're going to have to deal with in the future. What other things is he going to ask you to give up because it's not working for him at the moment? How many times are you going to have compromise without him budging?

          It's one thing if he found out after the fact that he's deathly allergic and it is causing him physical pain to be around the cats. It's completely different when it's just mildly inconveniencing him.

          #15 ~Stephanie~

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            Posted 20 April 2009 - 12:14 AM

            Not to be rude, but as a cat person, I would never get rid of my cats for anyone! Especially if he knew they were part of the "package." I don't have any solutions for you but I understand how upsetting this is for you. I just couldn't imagine having to part with my furbabies. I hope he comes to understand what they mean to you and gives it more time to get use to the new living situation.

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            #16 jk1101

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              Posted 20 April 2009 - 07:49 AM

              This morning he said he made a big mistake thinking he could have them in the house. Snicker (my female) cried all night from the basement which we could both hear and were both up all night because of. I asked him to please give it more time and if he really loved me he would but he just said he was sorry he ever thought he could live with cats.
              I am truly heartbroken and not sure what to do right now. This man means everything to me, and love those cats like my kids...I either lose him or lose them and either way sucks. And I know a lot of you will say that if he would aske me to do do this what else would he ask me to do, but really, he does and has done everything for me....and now Iam stuck in this awful place.

              #17 melody

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                Posted 20 April 2009 - 08:07 AM

                I am a cat person and I love my babies. To me it speaks volume of a man who would actually ask me to get rid of my babies because it inconveniences him knowing fully well from the beginning they were part of the package. Personally, it would be a very decision to make. I would keep my babies :)

                #18 Sapphire723

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                  Posted 20 April 2009 - 09:29 AM

                  If he would leave you because you wouldn't get rid of your furbabies who are not harming him and only inconveniencing him, that's messed up. Honestly, I wouldn't want to spend my life with someone who would do that. If your cats truly are like your children, it's like the "evil stepfather" just came into the picture and shipped them off to boarding school.

                  As for your cats, they just got hauled into a new place with a new human and now they're being holed up in a basement like they were naughty. No wonder they're making a fuss! Their normal personality isn't to cry all night long, so maybe suggest that you allow her to come snuggle at night. It might take some getting used to at first; I know my FI wanted to lock the cats out, but now he likes having them snuggle with us What did you guys do before when he slept at your apartment?

                  #19 **~Jenn~**

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                    Posted 20 April 2009 - 09:42 AM

                    First let me say that I am so sorry you are going through this.

                    Second...I need to say that if you get rid of your Cats, Just because he doesn't like them...Your making a big mistake.
                    My Biggest fear when I was single was that I would meet a guy I really liked and then find out that he is allergic to Cats or Dogs. I always thought, What would I do then?
                    Now I fear that my future children will have allergies (That's just me being nuts and finding stuff to worry about! LOL)

                    My point here is...Allergies are one thing...You can try things to cure that and then go from there.
                    This is Simply someone who knew you had cats and knew they were a package deal before you moved in together and he just doesn't want to compromise.
                    That is a red flag to me.
                    You are compromising. Your actually being better then I would have been.
                    I would have just not let the cats in the bedroom while we were sleeping as a courtesy to him, but that would have been it.
                    So to me, your going above and beyond. What is he doing??

                    Would he leave you or Break up with you because of this? Would he walk away because your cat cries at night?
                    & Would you want to be with someone who could so easily walk away instead of sitting down and figuring out a way to deal with this?

                    Those are questions that I would ask myself, If I were you.

                    There has to be a compromise and a way to work this out. But it can't just be you doing all the work and compromising...It has to be the both of you.

                    To be Honest...My FI isn't crazy about my cat. Mostly because she hates him (He wants her to be more like a dog and let him pet her and hold her & etc..LOL)
                    He messes around saying that we are getting rid of her..However..He knows that would never happen. He knows this, because in the begining I layed it all out for him about her.
                    She is a part of me..You want me..Then you get her. You don't have to like her, love her or even do anything for her...I will do all that. You just have to live with her the best you can. And he does...He has no choice if he loves me :-)

                    My Cat never slept with me, so that was never an issue. She is so noisy at night I always locked her out of my room, even before FI was in the picture...But she had the run of the rest of the house at night.

                    I wish you luck and this is a really hard thing your going through. It may seem easy to some of us out here who are saying...Stick to your guns and keep the cats..But I know that your upset and scared of what's going to happen.
                    Whatever you decide..Please make sure you think it through COMPLETELY!!

                    Good luck! :-)
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                    #20 sunset78

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                      Posted 20 April 2009 - 10:28 AM

                      That is really unfair to the cats. He needs to understand that the cats went to a life of full freedom, sleeping in bed with you every night, having someone around them all the time... to be locked in a basement with no one. Yeah, the cats are confused and upset. I would be too, if that was me.

                      How about if the cats were allowed out, you'd vacuum every day, and just have them locked out of the bedroom at night time? I think that would make a difference with the cats.

                      I have 2 cats and 2 dogs. My FI never had dogs growing up, except cats. He never wanted dogs... and I'm a huge dog lover. I did get my dogs... and the puppy phase was definitely a task for him to experience.

                      My second dog took a long time to be housebroken for some reason (and will still occasionally have an accident once in a blue moon), and he wanted to get rid of the dog so badly. I said "no way, the dog is mine and he's not going no matter what. He's taking a little than expected to be trained, but it's not going to be like this forever, he just needs extra time, extra training, and extra patience. Plus you need to help when I'm here to let him out because if he's not getting out on schedule, yes, he'll have an accident. And if you can't watch him, put him in the kennel so he doesn't have access to the house while he is still be housebroken".

                      We did have a few fights over it when he would lose his patience, but they are mine and they are not going anywhere.

                      Everything turned out fine. He is glad that the dogs are there, and he actually quite a big dog lover now himself.

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