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I'm getting married to an idiot....


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#11 ~Nicole~

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    Posted 07 April 2009 - 01:16 PM

    I can see how that can be frustrating, but if I said I could relate I would be lying. My situation is pretty much the opposite of yours. Trying to get FI to spend money is like pulling teeth!!!! I would never consider myself an irresponsible spender, honestly, but he is just too much! I actually beg him to spend money on himself because I don't want him to wake one day and think "oh shit... I've missed out on so many things". I am actually dreading that day. I wonder if there's a happy medium between our men?
    *Formerly Nikki07*
    My Planning Thread

    #12 Duchess

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      Posted 07 April 2009 - 01:36 PM

      Quote:
      Originally Posted by Nikki07
      I can see how that can be frustrating, but if I said I could relate I would be lying. My situation is pretty much the opposite of yours. Trying to get FI to spend money is like pulling teeth!!!! I would never consider myself an irresponsible spender, honestly, but he is just too much! I actually beg him to spend money on himself because I don't want him to wake one day and think "oh shit... I've missed out on so many things". I am actually dreading that day. I wonder if there's a happy medium between our men?
      I think I would rather a hubby who spends money!!! I used to have a FI who was so cheap with everything. We never did fun things, never went anywhere, never did anything for vacation besides discount cruises (which I realize sounds like something good but it was the same trip over and over because they were super cheap after 9/11), etc. Everything was such a big deal. Furnishing our home, all of it was a hassle. I guess I would rather someone who wants to live a little.

      My solution is that DH and I dont keep all of our money together. We have a joint account for bills and things that we split, the rest is our own. I personally think its a very modern way to eliminate the biggest fight in most marriages. Plus, its not the time anymore where women dont have their own money. I make plenty, and dont want him to have anything to say about it when I buy shoes. Except that I am out of closet space, that he can say! And if he wants to lend money to deadbeats or buy video games, whatev!!!

      #13 ~Nicole~

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        Posted 07 April 2009 - 01:47 PM

        Quote:
        Originally Posted by Duchess
        My solution is that DH and I dont keep all of our money together. We have a joint account for bills and things that we split, the rest is our own. I personally think its a very modern way to eliminate the biggest fight in most marriages. Plus, its not the time anymore where women dont have their own money. I make plenty, and dont want him to have anything to say about it when I buy shoes. Except that I am out of closet space, that he can say! And if he wants to lend money to deadbeats or buy video games, whatev!!!
        LOL!!! Yeah, we do have both joint and separate accounts! If I want to buy something I'm gonna buy it and I don't need anyone watching over me! Its strange though.... he has NEVER commented on anything I spend money on. I guess that's just because I would never go and just splurge on a huge purchase without talking about it. I feel like I'm working him in though.... at least that's what I tell myself. He wasn't always this way though....
        Luckily we never have huge blow outs over money! We seem to manage to deal with our differences.
        *Formerly Nikki07*
        My Planning Thread

        #14 soccergurl3

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          Posted 07 April 2009 - 01:47 PM

          Wow this is Exactly like my FI. He got laid off from work about 2 months ago and ever since then has been laying around the house doing nothing. He gets a measly $350 a week from EI and thinks that giving me $100 of that for bills is suffice. As soon as he got laid off he called me one morning and said his car broke down and needed to go into the shop. It's been 5 weeks alreadya nd no car so I asked him how long it takes to fix a broken car! He said oh another week. So another week comes around and he finally gets his car back....NEW paint job and all of a sudden his car went from a Automatic to a standard....WTF. So i asked him how much it cost and he told me $500.00. WHich I thought was fishy so I went onto his online banking and he took out $3200 dollars for this fricken car. I seriously was shaking beyond no belief. He hasn't had a job since Novemeber because he was laid off and then he went to school for a trade for 2 months in January and hasn't had a job ever since. So the grand total of his contribution in giving me money ....$800.00 in 5 months. I am seriously thinking about backing out of marrying him. Isn't the man supposed to support the woman? and did i forget to mention we have a 2 year old son! I am jsut so livid with his spending habits and his car obssession that I am seriously thinking of calling it quits!

          And on top of that I work 10 hours a day and am completely stressed because the two ladies higher up then me got laid off and now I have to take over there jobs. Then I come home make dinner completely take care of the son by myself while he just sits on his Lazy ass the whole night......I am so sorry about the ranting but I am FUMING RIGHT NOW!!!

          #15 Jacilynda

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            Posted 07 April 2009 - 02:58 PM

            Honey I have to agree w/ Trish. I think this a BIG issue, something you really need to talk about! Although of course Joe and I spend money on different things we aren't hiding or lying. We are in agreement w/ where our money goes, and when i spend a little extra or he does, we tell each other prior to seeing a statement, and we certainly aren't lying about it. Personally, sorry don't mean to be a debbie downer, but this is really a big issue! I think you guys should really consider talking about this. i'm sure you have, but it needs to be serious. The divorce rate is really high and research shows that the biggest dissagreement that leads to divorce is issues w/ money. Of course we'll all always have issues w/ money, the lying about money is really big.

            #16 sunset78

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              Posted 07 April 2009 - 03:24 PM

              Quote:
              Originally Posted by soccergurl3
              Wow this is Exactly like my FI. He got laid off from work about 2 months ago and ever since then has been laying around the house doing nothing. He gets a measly $350 a week from EI and thinks that giving me $100 of that for bills is suffice. As soon as he got laid off he called me one morning and said his car broke down and needed to go into the shop. It's been 5 weeks alreadya nd no car so I asked him how long it takes to fix a broken car! He said oh another week. So another week comes around and he finally gets his car back....NEW paint job and all of a sudden his car went from a Automatic to a standard....WTF. So i asked him how much it cost and he told me $500.00. WHich I thought was fishy so I went onto his online banking and he took out $3200 dollars for this fricken car. I seriously was shaking beyond no belief. He hasn't had a job since Novemeber because he was laid off and then he went to school for a trade for 2 months in January and hasn't had a job ever since. So the grand total of his contribution in giving me money ....$800.00 in 5 months. I am seriously thinking about backing out of marrying him. Isn't the man supposed to support the woman? and did i forget to mention we have a 2 year old son! I am jsut so livid with his spending habits and his car obssession that I am seriously thinking of calling it quits!

              And on top of that I work 10 hours a day and am completely stressed because the two ladies higher up then me got laid off and now I have to take over there jobs. Then I come home make dinner completely take care of the son by myself while he just sits on his Lazy ass the whole night......I am so sorry about the ranting but I am FUMING RIGHT NOW!!!

              Holy! I would be sooo pi$$ed about this. He needs to get his priorities straight. A family's welfare comes before "upgrades" especially when one source of income is stopped suddening. Definitely not the time to be blowing money and lying about it.

              #17 sunset78

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                Posted 07 April 2009 - 03:34 PM

                For us we know what the other buys (either at the time or after the purchase), we don't hide it or lie about it.

                We have one joint account (used for shared bills - mortgage, truck payments, etc.) and we have our own chequing accounts and our own credit cards.

                We might not consult each other at the time of purchases (unless it's a major purchase). Sometimes I might holy #$%^ over the price over something (and maybe he does too - but I don't spend like he does), but as long as the bills are paid, we don't get mad with each over the price of something if we happen to extra money to spend.

                However there was one time when he wanted a skidoo and just bought new one. I knew he was wanting one, but I didn't think he would have actually gotten one. But at the same time, I told him if he got a skidoo that I was a getting a dog (he didn't want one at the time)... He came home and said well, I guess you're getting dog. I wasn't mad about it, little surprised... but I got my dog though... then eventually another one too... LMAO.

                #18 tdmitchell

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                  Posted 07 April 2009 - 03:30 PM

                  OMG, I'm soo glad there are other FI's like mine! I can't stand the fact that my FI spends money on crap instead of saving it for our wedding or other household needs. His priorities are shot!!! I got very frustrated about the money situation yesterday! So, I feel everyone's pain!

                  #19 Jacilynda

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                    Posted 07 April 2009 - 03:34 PM

                    Quote:
                    Originally Posted by jpitts78
                    For us we know what the other buys (either at the time or after the purchase), we don't hide it or lie about it.

                    We have one joint account (used for shared bills - mortgage, truck payments, etc.) and we have our own chequing accounts and our own credit cards.

                    We might not consult each other at the time of purchases (unless it's a major purchase). Sometimes I might holy #$%^ over the price over something (and maybe he does too - but I don't spend like he does), but as long as the bills are paid, we don't get mad with each over the price of something if we happen to extra money to spend.

                    However there was one time when he wanted a skidoo and just bought new one. I knew he was wanting one, but I didn't think he would have actually gotten one. But at the same time, I told him if he got a skidoo that I was a getting a dog (he didn't want one at the time)... He came home and said well, I guess you're getting dog. I wasn't mad about it, little surprised... but I got my dog though... then eventually another one too... LMAO.
                    Joe and I are exactly like this! We don't hide or lie and have our accounts set up the same way. We don't necessarily consult each other (unless big). And usually the big things we want he wants one thing and I want another and we know if we give into one side we have to fulfill the other! This sounds exactly like us, especially w/ FI just saying well I guess you can get a dog LOL!!! That's exactly what Joe would have said to me!

                    #20 TammyB

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                      Posted 07 April 2009 - 03:43 PM

                      ROFL.. Ahh another person that has a crazy Harley guy that wants everything under the sun for his bike. lol I'm trying to be really good with my hubby about it, because honestly he gives me almost anything I ask for, and his bike has been locked up in the garage all winter and he's itching to get it out and start riding. (He got it at the end of last year) But seriously some of the stuff he's getting for it.. well I just don't under stand.. Maybe the key is to compromise with him on what he can get, that way he's not going behind your back.




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