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"Gift" from my Parents (rant)


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#11 cougs

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    Posted 01 April 2009 - 06:00 PM

    i'm so glad i read this!!!!!! you are NOT crazy ... at least my mom never said her paying for my MOH's entire trip was a "gift" to me!

    my MOH decided she & her husband weren't coming because of financial reasons. well, when we were all dress shopping, my mom & sisters plotted and when i came out of the dressing room, they announced that they were paying for MOH & husband to go, because they knew how much it meant to me. we squealed and jumped, and cried, and were both so happy and excited! then later it hit me ... my mom is shelling out $1500 for her, which certainly impacts the amount she can give me as a gift (and mind you, my mom is 70 this year, parents are retired, living on a fixed income and social security). i thought, if my parents were going to pay for *anyone's* trip, shouldn't it be MINE? i knew they wouldn't be able to contribute much (if anything) to the wedding, but i always thought my mom would want to at least buy my dress. well that day they talked me into a more expensive dress than i wanted to buy, but no one ponied up any cash. and really, how could they, when they are paying another person's ENTIRE trip??

    my fiance is pretty ticked that MOH & husband had the nerve to accept this generosity without even contributing whatever they *could* afford. mind you, he's right ... the reason they gave for not being able to afford to come was there was work on their house that they'd like to do, and didn't want to blow their SAVINGS on the trip. i could see maybe someone helping with airfare, or giving them a loan, but no ... they are going to cancun for a week (over $3000) for FREE! oops, sorry i just totally hijacked!

    #12 ~*Kathy*~

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      Posted 01 April 2009 - 06:10 PM

      mummergirl - UGH!!! Isn't that just awful? I feel for you, truly...I think this must practically make us "strange parent" sisters haha! Yeah, I can't get my head around it, and I can bet you any money that if my little sister were ever to get married, it would be held locally and they'd get her some awesome gift...they are always shelling out the dough for her, it makes me sick. How is anyone supposed to learn to be a responsible, capable, mature adult (at 22 years old no less) when my parents give her everything she wants. Not only that but whenever she's sick, she calls my mom and whines about it so my mom comes in to the city (a 2.5-3 hour drive from their place) just to "take care" of my sister without so much of a phone call to me while she's in town. Don't I just feel loved? lol

      #13 Jacilynda

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        Posted 01 April 2009 - 07:37 PM

        So technically Kathy if you're parents want to be even, then hopefully your sisters have DW and then they can pay for your trip as their gift!

        My parents don't have any money so they haven't been able to put in anything for us. Not really complaining cause then I don't have to have a parent criticize what I do w/ their money! Joe's parents have paid for our flights, hotel, and 1/2 the wedding. I'm sure they'll give us more, but I don't know that my parents will. My situation is kind of backwards from yours. My sister is poor and pregnant. My parents can't afford to pay for her, but since it's very important shes there Joe and I paid for her trip.

        #14 cougs

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          Posted 01 April 2009 - 09:00 PM

          Quote:
          Originally Posted by Jacilynda
          So technically Kathy if you're parents want to be even, then hopefully your sisters have DW and then they can pay for your trip as their gift!
          love this, jacilynda!

          Quote:
          Originally Posted by Jacilynda
          My parents don't have any money so they haven't been able to put in anything for us. Not really complaining cause then I don't have to have a parent criticize what I do w/ their money!
          amen to that!

          Quote:
          Originally Posted by Jacilynda
          Joe's parents have paid for our flights, hotel, and 1/2 the wedding. I'm sure they'll give us more, but I don't know that my parents will. My situation is kind of backwards from yours. My sister is poor and pregnant. My parents can't afford to pay for her, but since it's very important shes there Joe and I paid for her trip.
          you are so lucky to have a set of parents who can contribute so much! mine are old and retired (and have chosen to pay for my MOH anyway, instead! lol), and tom's dad was laid off for most of this past year ... we didn't even know how his parents were going to make it to the wedding themselves. we are paying for tom's grandmother (only grandparent between us), otherwise she couldn't be there either.

          #15 ~Stephanie~

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            Posted 01 April 2009 - 09:35 PM

            Kathy- Ok so I totally get what you are saying and I would be miffed too. First off I would consider the paying for your trip as a "gift" so why bother saying that other people's trips are your gift? I am not expecting any gift from people that are attending my DW because they are spending so much money to go, but don't insult me by paying for someone else's trip and telling me its my "gift".

            You are justified.
            ~Stephanie

            Our wedding websitewww.mywedding.com/stephanieandmichaelbailey

            #16 ~*Kathy*~

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              Posted 01 April 2009 - 09:47 PM

              Jac - lol you are too funny, yes I agree...I would love a free trip if my sisters ever got married! lol

              Stephanie - Thank you!! Some days I'm just so frazzled that I'm not sure if I'm just going crazy or if I really am justified in my thinking lol. :)

              #17 Mel&B

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                Posted 01 April 2009 - 09:55 PM

                Ok, guys, I think I'm going out on a limb here totally on my own. My parents are paying for the entire wedding, my sister's trip, several family members' flights, and helping out with several people's rooms. They are doing this because they want all of the people I love to be at my wedding. They are not paying for my trip, but I figure it's the least I can do to pay my own way. I feel like the fact that they are helping out so many of the people I care about is MORE than enough of a gift for me. I feel so blessed and lucky.

                #18 Prettyhazardous

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                  Posted 01 April 2009 - 09:59 PM

                  LOL that reminds me of my parents. Well my sister and I were raised by our grandparents and my FI has no relationship with his family so we decided that bc my gparents raised me we would pay for all the wedding expenses except for my gown which my gparents and mom were supposed to buy. Well when went shopping for gowns my parents decided to pay for the BMs dresses as a gift to me... instead of buying my gown. I'm like WTF. Eventually they paid for half of my gown which I was grateful for but they paid for the BMs entire dresses when they were supposed to pay for my entire gown... Parent lol.

                  #19 ~*Kathy*~

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                    Posted 01 April 2009 - 10:39 PM

                    Mel&B - Aww that's so nice of your family to be so generous! :) You are so blessed to have such a wonderful family!

                    I know that that is the same reason why my parents paid for my sisters and that's fine but why label it as a "gift" when I know that both of my sisters are fully capable of paying their own way there and the only reason that my parents paid for their trip because they whined (mostly my younger sister did this and she hardly has any living expenses) anyway?

                    Prettyhazardous - That's interesting...what's the etiquette on BM dresses? Do the BMs generally pay for their own or is the bride expected to pay for them? Regardless, your situation seems a bit backward too.

                    #20 ~*Kathy*~

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                      Posted 01 April 2009 - 10:39 PM

                      Double post




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