I'm sorry but i do beilieve your better off without him in your life. Right now he is not in the right frame of mind and only cares about himself. Hopefully losing a friend like you will make him come to his senses. I know your really hurt right now but you will realize that your life will be so much easier without someone negative like that in it. He can only bring you down.
My Gay best friend and I are no longer friends...
Started by Sparkles8300, Mar 03 2009 03:21 PM
20 replies to this topic
#11
DanielleNDerek
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Posted 03 March 2009 - 04:27 PM
***Married November 6, 2008***Gavin Born February 28th, 2010***
Paradisus Palma Real Wedding Review
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Paradisus Palma Real Wedding Review
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#12
YaelM
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- VIP Member
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VIP Member
Posted 03 March 2009 - 05:07 PM
I agree with the other girls. Its such a sad situation but he really needs professional help. It sucks right now and its heartbreaking but you are better off cutting ties with him until he decides to take some steps in making himself better. Oh and please DO NOT think you are being selfish by having a DW!!!! (I dont think you think that but just wanted to reiterate)
#13
JaimeLynne
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- VIP Member
- 4,791 posts
Posted 03 March 2009 - 05:33 PM
I'm really sorry about all of that. Definitely a lose-lose situation...
I used to hang out in the gay scene quite a bit and unfortunately saw cases like this far too often. I also grew up with an alcoholic/drug addicted mother, so I know what that can be like both first and second hand. Remember, you're not dealing with the person - you're dealing with the alcohol and drugs.
I actually just went to my first ALANON meeting a few weeks ago. They are SUPER supportive there, and teach you how to cope if you have people in your lives who abuse alcohol. And they teach you it's not your fault (sounds like you know this though). All in all I think it's just a great way to get your story out there and have people listen to you. Everything is anonymous.
Again, I'm really sorry and can empathize & sympathize with your situation. Big hugs to you! You sound like you've got an excellent head on your shoulders, and your writing and communication skills are very good. Just remember you're not going to be able to communicate with him - the alcohol and drugs will always stand in the way as long as he chooses that path.
Also I just wanted to point out that I believe things happen for a reason, and his not being there (at your wedding), although it may hurt like HELL right now, is most likely a blessing in disguise. You're not going to have to worry about taking care of him.
Now - onto YOUR BIG DAY!!!
I used to hang out in the gay scene quite a bit and unfortunately saw cases like this far too often. I also grew up with an alcoholic/drug addicted mother, so I know what that can be like both first and second hand. Remember, you're not dealing with the person - you're dealing with the alcohol and drugs.
I actually just went to my first ALANON meeting a few weeks ago. They are SUPER supportive there, and teach you how to cope if you have people in your lives who abuse alcohol. And they teach you it's not your fault (sounds like you know this though). All in all I think it's just a great way to get your story out there and have people listen to you. Everything is anonymous.
Again, I'm really sorry and can empathize & sympathize with your situation. Big hugs to you! You sound like you've got an excellent head on your shoulders, and your writing and communication skills are very good. Just remember you're not going to be able to communicate with him - the alcohol and drugs will always stand in the way as long as he chooses that path.
Also I just wanted to point out that I believe things happen for a reason, and his not being there (at your wedding), although it may hurt like HELL right now, is most likely a blessing in disguise. You're not going to have to worry about taking care of him.
Now - onto YOUR BIG DAY!!!
~ Jaime & Martin ~
"Rain or Swine! 2-0-0-9"
We had 24 people attend our wedding in Las Caletas, Mexico on May 24th, 2009!
We all stayed at The Marriott in P.V., and Honeymooned at The Royal Plantation in Ochos Rios, Jamaica!
#14
Jacqueline
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- VIP Member
- 3,160 posts
Posted 03 March 2009 - 05:45 PM
that really stinks you're dealing with this. not sure what to say except i hope you guys work it out and he gets the help he needs.
hugs to you! for now though, i'd focus on you and your wedding. forget the drama for now, i think he will come around.
hugs to you! for now though, i'd focus on you and your wedding. forget the drama for now, i think he will come around.
#15
Hartyt509
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- Sr. Member
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- 2,262 posts
Posted 03 March 2009 - 07:45 PM
As harsh as it sounds you need to cut him loose. Chris will come round and when he realises he has NOTHING left in his life he will get himself some help and then you can be friends again but unfortunately for now the best thing to do is leave him to stew and wallow. You can't be dragged down that road its not pleasant or fair.
#16
cantwait2718
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- Newbie
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- 78 posts
Posted 03 March 2009 - 07:58 PM
3 things to know about those addicted to any thing...
1. u didn't cause it
2. U can't change it
3. u can't control it
I am so sorry that u r dealing with this. I know exactly where u r at. I have an addict for a sister, my only sister, and we haven't spoken in 3 years. She did many hurtful and said many hateful things to me. There will be a part of me that is so sad she is not standing next to me on my wedding day but that's the path she choose. Not me. Keep your head up and remember that u must look out for u.
1. u didn't cause it
2. U can't change it
3. u can't control it
I am so sorry that u r dealing with this. I know exactly where u r at. I have an addict for a sister, my only sister, and we haven't spoken in 3 years. She did many hurtful and said many hateful things to me. There will be a part of me that is so sad she is not standing next to me on my wedding day but that's the path she choose. Not me. Keep your head up and remember that u must look out for u.
#17
Jenamie
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- Jr. Member
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- 392 posts
Posted 04 March 2009 - 05:31 AM
I'm so sorry hun :/
But there is nothing selfish about a destanation wedding, its about you and your soon to be and thats it, if he cant see that then screw it... you deserve someone better for you!
But there is nothing selfish about a destanation wedding, its about you and your soon to be and thats it, if he cant see that then screw it... you deserve someone better for you!
#18
GracieBebe
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- Jr. Member
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- 354 posts
Posted 05 March 2009 - 02:01 AM
I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. That really sux that he had to be that way! You are wayyyyyy better off without him! At least you can use the excuse that the alchohol made him act that way. My FH's own twin brother told him that our wedding couldn't come at a worst time and that we were selfish for wanting to have a destination wedding and why does FH want to even get married for? WTF?? And he was dead sober when he said this! This from a guy who is so anti-marriage but lives with his g/f of 8+ years, buys a house with her, and then tells his own mother that he's not committed to his g/f in any way. Can you say delusional?? People just have no consideration these days!
- Grace
Location - Chateau de Challain, Challain la Potherie, France
Engagement Date - Sept. 6, 2008
Wedding Date - Sept. 9, 2009
Our Pro wedding photo website:http://fanelliweddin....l&startIndex=0Our wedding planning website:http://www.mywedding...graceandmichael
Location - Chateau de Challain, Challain la Potherie, France
Engagement Date - Sept. 6, 2008
Wedding Date - Sept. 9, 2009
Our Pro wedding photo website:http://fanelliweddin....l&startIndex=0Our wedding planning website:http://www.mywedding...graceandmichael
#19
binzer
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- Jr. Member
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- 230 posts
Posted 05 March 2009 - 07:31 AM
I think a lot of people (addicts or otherwise) attack others to take the focus off themselves. They do things like call you selfish not b/c they actually think you're selfish, but b/c they don't have a valid reason for not wanting to attend the wedding, or b/c they're ashamed of their reason for not wanting to go (for example, they're really short on money, but don't want to admit that they're poorer than everyone else and instead act like it's unreasonable for ANYONE to pay so much).
Other people just get pissy that you haven't consulted them about your wedding choices (regardless of what choices you actually make) and some people (especially ones who are coming) like to be martyrs and make it seem like a huge deal that they're going, even though the bride is so "unreasonable."
OTHER people are jerks b/c they themselves didn't have the wedding they always wanted (and listened to their parents or something said) and feel that everyone else should have to suffer the same fate.
So basically, there are a million reasons people lash out at us poor brides, but it's usually inevitable (people will always find SOMETHING to complain about) so just don't take it personally and make your plans as you see fit. Ten years from now, most of your guests will hardly remember the wedding (and the money they spent) and the people who didn't attend will have forgotten about it completely.
I'm sorry to hear about Jon, and even more sorry to hear about Chris. It doesn't sound like Jon is a person you want to have in your life right now anyways (he doesn't respect you or himself, and hanging out with him only enables him) but I'm sure that Chris will come around eventually, especially once he is over Jon (and hopefully not living with him). Seriously, don't take anything that happened personally. I'm sure somewhere in his head Jon knows that he has serious problems, and attacking others is just a way of validating himself and his actions.
Good luck with everything! Your wedding will be better off and less stressful without him. Hopefully he gets help, and maybe one day you guys can hang out like normal friends.
Other people just get pissy that you haven't consulted them about your wedding choices (regardless of what choices you actually make) and some people (especially ones who are coming) like to be martyrs and make it seem like a huge deal that they're going, even though the bride is so "unreasonable."
OTHER people are jerks b/c they themselves didn't have the wedding they always wanted (and listened to their parents or something said) and feel that everyone else should have to suffer the same fate.
So basically, there are a million reasons people lash out at us poor brides, but it's usually inevitable (people will always find SOMETHING to complain about) so just don't take it personally and make your plans as you see fit. Ten years from now, most of your guests will hardly remember the wedding (and the money they spent) and the people who didn't attend will have forgotten about it completely.
I'm sorry to hear about Jon, and even more sorry to hear about Chris. It doesn't sound like Jon is a person you want to have in your life right now anyways (he doesn't respect you or himself, and hanging out with him only enables him) but I'm sure that Chris will come around eventually, especially once he is over Jon (and hopefully not living with him). Seriously, don't take anything that happened personally. I'm sure somewhere in his head Jon knows that he has serious problems, and attacking others is just a way of validating himself and his actions.
Good luck with everything! Your wedding will be better off and less stressful without him. Hopefully he gets help, and maybe one day you guys can hang out like normal friends.
#20
binzer
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- Jr. Member
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- 230 posts
Posted 05 March 2009 - 07:31 AM
I think a lot of people (addicts or otherwise) attack others to take the focus off themselves. They do things like call you selfish not b/c they actually think you're selfish, but b/c they don't have a valid reason for not wanting to attend the wedding, or b/c they're ashamed of their reason for not wanting to go (for example, they're really short on money, but don't want to admit that they're poorer than everyone else and instead act like it's unreasonable for ANYONE to pay so much).
Other people just get pissy that you haven't consulted them about your wedding choices (regardless of what choices you actually make) and some people (especially ones who are coming) like to be martyrs and make it seem like a huge deal that they're going, even though the bride is so "unreasonable."
OTHER people are jerks b/c they themselves didn't have the wedding they always wanted (and listened to their parents or something said) and feel that everyone else should have to suffer the same fate.
So basically, there are a million reasons people lash out at us poor brides, but it's usually inevitable (people will always find SOMETHING to complain about) so just don't take it personally and make your plans as you see fit. Ten years from now, most of your guests will hardly remember the wedding (and the money they spent) and the people who didn't attend will have forgotten about it completely.
I'm sorry to hear about Jon, and even more sorry to hear about Chris. It doesn't sound like Jon is a person you want to have in your life right now anyways (he doesn't respect you or himself, and hanging out with him only enables him) but I'm sure that Chris will come around eventually, especially once he is over Jon (and hopefully not living with him). Seriously, don't take anything that happened personally. I'm sure somewhere in his head Jon knows that he has serious problems, and attacking others is just a way of validating himself and his actions.
Good luck with everything! Your wedding will be better off and less stressful without him. Hopefully he gets help, and maybe one day you guys can hang out like normal friends.
Other people just get pissy that you haven't consulted them about your wedding choices (regardless of what choices you actually make) and some people (especially ones who are coming) like to be martyrs and make it seem like a huge deal that they're going, even though the bride is so "unreasonable."
OTHER people are jerks b/c they themselves didn't have the wedding they always wanted (and listened to their parents or something said) and feel that everyone else should have to suffer the same fate.
So basically, there are a million reasons people lash out at us poor brides, but it's usually inevitable (people will always find SOMETHING to complain about) so just don't take it personally and make your plans as you see fit. Ten years from now, most of your guests will hardly remember the wedding (and the money they spent) and the people who didn't attend will have forgotten about it completely.
I'm sorry to hear about Jon, and even more sorry to hear about Chris. It doesn't sound like Jon is a person you want to have in your life right now anyways (he doesn't respect you or himself, and hanging out with him only enables him) but I'm sure that Chris will come around eventually, especially once he is over Jon (and hopefully not living with him). Seriously, don't take anything that happened personally. I'm sure somewhere in his head Jon knows that he has serious problems, and attacking others is just a way of validating himself and his actions.
Good luck with everything! Your wedding will be better off and less stressful without him. Hopefully he gets help, and maybe one day you guys can hang out like normal friends.
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