
My Gay best friend and I are no longer friends...
#11
Posted 03 March 2009 - 04:27 PM
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#12
Posted 03 March 2009 - 05:07 PM
#13
Posted 03 March 2009 - 05:33 PM
I used to hang out in the gay scene quite a bit and unfortunately saw cases like this far too often. I also grew up with an alcoholic/drug addicted mother, so I know what that can be like both first and second hand. Remember, you're not dealing with the person - you're dealing with the alcohol and drugs.
I actually just went to my first ALANON meeting a few weeks ago. They are SUPER supportive there, and teach you how to cope if you have people in your lives who abuse alcohol. And they teach you it's not your fault (sounds like you know this though). All in all I think it's just a great way to get your story out there and have people listen to you. Everything is anonymous.
Again, I'm really sorry and can empathize & sympathize with your situation. Big hugs to you! You sound like you've got an excellent head on your shoulders, and your writing and communication skills are very good. Just remember you're not going to be able to communicate with him - the alcohol and drugs will always stand in the way as long as he chooses that path.
Also I just wanted to point out that I believe things happen for a reason, and his not being there (at your wedding), although it may hurt like HELL right now, is most likely a blessing in disguise. You're not going to have to worry about taking care of him.
Now - onto YOUR BIG DAY!!!

~ Jaime & Martin ~
"Rain or Swine! 2-0-0-9"
We had 24 people attend our wedding in Las Caletas, Mexico on May 24th, 2009!
We all stayed at The Marriott in P.V., and Honeymooned at The Royal Plantation in Ochos Rios, Jamaica!
#14
Posted 03 March 2009 - 05:45 PM
hugs to you! for now though, i'd focus on you and your wedding. forget the drama for now, i think he will come around.
#15
Posted 03 March 2009 - 07:45 PM
#16
Posted 03 March 2009 - 07:58 PM
1. u didn't cause it
2. U can't change it
3. u can't control it
I am so sorry that u r dealing with this. I know exactly where u r at. I have an addict for a sister, my only sister, and we haven't spoken in 3 years. She did many hurtful and said many hateful things to me. There will be a part of me that is so sad she is not standing next to me on my wedding day but that's the path she choose. Not me. Keep your head up and remember that u must look out for u.
#17
Posted 04 March 2009 - 05:31 AM
But there is nothing selfish about a destanation wedding, its about you and your soon to be and thats it, if he cant see that then screw it... you deserve someone better for you!
#18
Posted 05 March 2009 - 02:01 AM
Location - Chateau de Challain, Challain la Potherie, France
Engagement Date - Sept. 6, 2008
Wedding Date - Sept. 9, 2009
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#19
Posted 05 March 2009 - 07:31 AM
Other people just get pissy that you haven't consulted them about your wedding choices (regardless of what choices you actually make) and some people (especially ones who are coming) like to be martyrs and make it seem like a huge deal that they're going, even though the bride is so "unreasonable."
OTHER people are jerks b/c they themselves didn't have the wedding they always wanted (and listened to their parents or something said) and feel that everyone else should have to suffer the same fate.
So basically, there are a million reasons people lash out at us poor brides, but it's usually inevitable (people will always find SOMETHING to complain about) so just don't take it personally and make your plans as you see fit. Ten years from now, most of your guests will hardly remember the wedding (and the money they spent) and the people who didn't attend will have forgotten about it completely.
I'm sorry to hear about Jon, and even more sorry to hear about Chris. It doesn't sound like Jon is a person you want to have in your life right now anyways (he doesn't respect you or himself, and hanging out with him only enables him) but I'm sure that Chris will come around eventually, especially once he is over Jon (and hopefully not living with him). Seriously, don't take anything that happened personally. I'm sure somewhere in his head Jon knows that he has serious problems, and attacking others is just a way of validating himself and his actions.
Good luck with everything! Your wedding will be better off and less stressful without him. Hopefully he gets help, and maybe one day you guys can hang out like normal friends.
#20
Posted 05 March 2009 - 07:31 AM
Other people just get pissy that you haven't consulted them about your wedding choices (regardless of what choices you actually make) and some people (especially ones who are coming) like to be martyrs and make it seem like a huge deal that they're going, even though the bride is so "unreasonable."
OTHER people are jerks b/c they themselves didn't have the wedding they always wanted (and listened to their parents or something said) and feel that everyone else should have to suffer the same fate.
So basically, there are a million reasons people lash out at us poor brides, but it's usually inevitable (people will always find SOMETHING to complain about) so just don't take it personally and make your plans as you see fit. Ten years from now, most of your guests will hardly remember the wedding (and the money they spent) and the people who didn't attend will have forgotten about it completely.
I'm sorry to hear about Jon, and even more sorry to hear about Chris. It doesn't sound like Jon is a person you want to have in your life right now anyways (he doesn't respect you or himself, and hanging out with him only enables him) but I'm sure that Chris will come around eventually, especially once he is over Jon (and hopefully not living with him). Seriously, don't take anything that happened personally. I'm sure somewhere in his head Jon knows that he has serious problems, and attacking others is just a way of validating himself and his actions.
Good luck with everything! Your wedding will be better off and less stressful without him. Hopefully he gets help, and maybe one day you guys can hang out like normal friends.
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