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My Gay best friend and I are no longer friends...

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20 replies to this topic

#1 Sparkles8300

  • Jr. Member
  • 349 posts

    Posted 03 March 2009 - 03:21 PM

    I have had a Gay best friend, Jon, for the past 15 years. We had some great times together in high school and college. When he was born, his mom did not want him or anytihng to do with him. So when he was a baby, his parents got divorced and he and his dad moved from SC to MD. During high school my mom pretty much acted as his mom and would help him with homework, cook us dinner, and do all of the "mom" sort of things for him.

    In college, we hung out all of the time and I became close with his boyfriend, Chris. We would drive to eachother's colleges and hang out pretty much every/every other week. I went to Jon's college graduation with Jon's dad and Chris to see him get his diploma. After college, I moved up to Northern MD to live with my now FI and Jon moved down to DC. We still saw eachother maybe once a month or so for the first few years out of school. We both had always drank alot (most days of the week) when we went out and we did all of the stupid things college students do.

    Once we graduated, his drinking never slowed down while mine did. He is now 27 and still going out and getting totally WASTED Thurs-Sunday and sometimes the other days as well. He has gotten arrested over his drinking, kicked out of bars, DWIs, and lost most all of his friends by treating them like crap over his drinking. He also stared doing Coke all of the time (I guess it's the drug of choice in the DC gay scene). He has gone out on binges and gone home with random guys every night and not changed his clothes from Weds-Mon. I mean his drinking is BAD.

    Back in August he came over and got totally shitfaced and was doing lines in my bathroom. He stayed up all night with the Britney Spears CD blaring dancing around my living room. I had not seen him in MONTHS so I thought it was funny to see him acting like this (A super gay guy dancing and singing to Britney is really entertaining). It was not until we woke up the next day and he cracked open a beer that I realized he had a major problem. The FI and I were having some friends over for crabs at 1pm and I was busy trying to get all of the side dishes ready. While I was doing this, Jon continued to drink a whole 12 pack and somehow found my liquor and started taking tequlia shots. By the time all of our other friends got here, Jon was totally belligerent. He was being a total asshole to my guests and my FIs guests. He was calling everyone losers, cunts, bitches, etc... I kept asking him to stop and go lay down and he wouldn't. He kept talking about how "everyone wants so be me, you all wish you were me". I mean really?! We were so embarassed to have this guy at our lunch were were hosting. I did not want him to drive so I was stuck having to babysit him.

    I did not talk to Jon for a few months and finally I gave him a second chance. I sent him and Chris (who have now broken up but still live together) seperate invites to our wedding. Chris had become one of my best friends and he and I do dinner every Thursday and he is just the greatest. Jon totally takes advantage of him. Even though they are broken up, Chris buys all of Jon's clothes, pays for his gas, takes him out to eat, got him a flat screen for Christmas, cleans up his mess, pays for all of their dogs vet bills etc.. He is a total enabler.

    Anyways, we invited both of them down for dinner on Saturday. Jon promised to be on his best behavior. We went to a sushi restaurant for dinner, where Jon drank a million beers, all the while saying, "I am being so good by not drinking liquor you should be so proud"! Somehow our wedding came up and I was like, "I have not heard from you guys yet, are you planning on coming?" This is where the total slap in the face happend. Jon told me "No, I am not coming and I think it is totally selfish that you would have a destinaion wedding in this ecomony. I mean who does that. A wedding is about friends and family not about making people save to go to Jamaica. I could get laid off at anytime no way am I coming. I mean it is just so rude to even ask people to come to Jamaica."

    I was SHOCKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He kept going on and on about how selfish we are, right to our faces!!! The boy who had no mom who my mom took in, the "friend" I have bailed out of jail, the same person who has $20,000 in his savings account b/c he lies and tells Chris he has no $$ so Chris pays for EVERYTHING, the guy who has not ONCE paid for a damn thing for anyone but himself is calling ME selfish??! I about exploded while trying to, in the nicest way explain that it is an invite and he could have declined in a nicer way. He was trying to tell me that he has no $$, totally forgetting that when we were to the ATM he laughged and showed me his balance of $20,000 and was cracking up at how Chris pays for everything and he has so much money. I totally called him out on it. So my FI told me to drop it and we went on with the night like it had never happend. We got home at around 1am and decided to go to bed. Jon decided to stay up and drink by himself, he drank all of the beer in our house (9 beers) and 3 of my mini bottles. He got totally wasted and kept going outside to smoke and setting off my house alarm (3 times) and turning up, who else, Britney Spears! I was so over him already from his behavior and actions over our wedding but this was the icing on the cake.

    The next day I said bye to them both and I guess on the way home Chris told Jon I was pissed. Jon then started texting me with "you think you are so great, get over yourself" I told him how selfish and rude I thought he was and again he texts back "what is selfiish is your destinatin wedding" we went back and forth...it's totally over. I have let this alcoholic ruin too many nights/days of my life. I am just so hurt that after all of this time he has turned into this.

    The sad thing is, I am less upset about everything else that he did that and every other night, than I am about how he feels about my wedding. He really thinks after 15 years of me and my fam always being there for him, that it is selfish to have a destinaion wedding where he would have to spend $1,200 to come? If he really had no money I would understand, but he has at least $20,000 cash in the bank. It hurts so bad that someone who you have done EVERYTHING for could turn into this. The same guy who told my FI over and over, "I better be a groomsmen in the wedding" when it was at home now does not even want to come to the destination wedding. What a great "best friend" that is!!!!! My feelings are so hurt, just seeing him throw his life away and seeing all of the pain he causes everyone makes me sick. Now he told Chris not to talk to me anymore. Chris is so in Love with Jon still, he is going to listen to him...what are we 5? Who tells someone who they can/can't be friends with. I HATE Jon!!!! Real HATE! He really must have the devil in him. I am sooo sorry for writing the longest post I have ever seen but I just had to get this all out, even if nobody finishes reading it. Writing it out made me realize how I was an enabler too. I am glad to finally be done with him. I just hope Chris realizes it before something really bad happens to him.

    My Planning Thread:http://bestdestinati....c-heavy-53105/Our Sungold Photograpy Slideshow to music:http://www.sungoldph....otter-hooters/http://tickers.Ticke....3c97/event.png

    #2 SgtPepperette

    • Sr. Member
    • 1,225 posts

      Posted 03 March 2009 - 03:33 PM

      Wow, I am so sorry. I can only imagine how much stress and anxiety this relationship has caused you. And can defintely see how hurt you could be over the way he is acting. You have to take care of yourself first, and that is exactly what you are doing. I had a huge falling out with a life long friend like Jon and it mind boggles me the way people can act after you have been through so much. But when drugs and alcohol are involved you defintely are playing with a whole new level.

      I hope that Jon gets the helps he needs soon.

      Keep your head up sweetie!

      #3 FLgator

      • Jr. Member
      • 253 posts

        Posted 03 March 2009 - 03:36 PM

        Yikes, I am sorry for how your friend has treated you. He will realize one day what a jerk he is, but it probably won't be before driving everyone out of his life. Weddings tend to reveal who your true friends are!!! Try not to get hung up on it, enjoy your planning!

        #4 Candice

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        • 223 posts

          Posted 03 March 2009 - 03:46 PM

          This is quite the story. I am very sorry that your friend hurt you, but I really think your friend needs HELP! He needs to go into rehab for his drinking and drug use. His actions might because he is hiding something, his feelings about being abandoned as a child might be catching up with him, someone he has been so close with his entire life is getting married and moving on he might feel he is also losing you also. So he has turned to alchol and drugs to fill that void he is feeling.

          By his partner enabling his its not helping him in the least, he needs to learn to stand on his own two feet, but first and foremost he needs to love and respect himself and right now he isn't doing this,he is finding things (alochol and drugs) to make him "feel" no pain. He honstly needs help. I know none of this justifies they way he acted towards you because he was definently out of line and I am sure you don't need any of this right now in your life...but if you care for him still you need to talk to you him and let him know that you are there for him and find out why he is doing this to himself and his freinds/family. Because if he continues on this path nothing good is going to come of it...and watching people with additction is the hardest thing, and its something we may never fully understand.

          I really hope things work out for you...and again I am so sorry to hear this.

          Take Care
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          #5 IslamoradaBride

          • Jr. Member
          • 459 posts

            Posted 03 March 2009 - 03:58 PM

            What a sad story. I am so sorry to hear your friend has gone off the deep end. I've heard good things about Al-Anon-- a support group for friends and loved ones of alcoholics. In the meantime, I hope he gets help soon because he is headed on a path of destruction.

            #6 JHarwood2Be

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              Posted 03 March 2009 - 04:00 PM

              This might be a blessing in disguise- I know you want the 'old' Jon to be there. But do you really want to worry about what Jon is doing at your wedding with unlimited alcohol? You deserve to have a great time and not to babysit.
              I'm sorry that it has turned out this way. I hope someday he realizes it and gets the help he needs to turn his life around.
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              #7 Jess

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              • 4,455 posts

                Posted 03 March 2009 - 04:01 PM

                I am so sorry about your friend ...unfortunately alcohol brings out the worst in people - and it truly is the alcohol talking and not your friend when he is calling you "selfish." I know it is hard to realize that - but it is very true - alcoholics unfortunately take all the anger and hurt that is inside them out on those closest to them.

                I'm really sorry you have to deal with this.

                #8 tylersgirl

                • Sr. Member
                • 1,681 posts

                  Posted 03 March 2009 - 04:05 PM

                  I just wanted to tell you that I am very sorry about how your GBF treated you. You did not deserve that. It is not selfish of you at all to have a destination wedding. He needs to get help and grow up!

                  #9 BachataBride

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                    Posted 03 March 2009 - 04:08 PM

                    Wow Leslie...that is a truly sad story. I am so sorry you are going through this, but I think I might feel worse for Chris since he is still oblivious to Jon's actions. Do you think that maybe you should let Chris in on everything you know?? I don't know if it will make a difference as he obviously loves him very much, but at least you could say you did what you could.
                    I hope Jon gets help soon. And I hope you learn to deal with losing your best friend. I wish you much strength.

                    #10 Kristy!


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                      Posted 03 March 2009 - 04:17 PM

                      I'm so sorry. What a sad situation. Hang in there girlie!

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