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Are you changing your name?

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I am undecided. I'm excited about being Mrs. Terrones but then I think about going through the hassle. I would have to do so much leg work, and then changing my passport... agr! I don't know... 

In any case... In many countries, Brazil for example, the kids have the mother's last name first and then the father's. At least that is the case will all the Brazilians I used to hang out with. In my country of birth (Colombia) every one has first and middle name -some have only one name- and then the father's last name followed by the mother's last name. 

Wives never change their last name to their husband's, but if they want they can use it after "de" (or "of" in English). So mine would have been Diana Sánchez de Terrones. 

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Originally Posted by weddingaway View Post

 

I have always been very independent.  In fact, up until months ago, I had never really wanted to get married.  So, logically, I have never wanted to change my name. 

 

But then I actually read up on the history of it.  WOW!  I know that I will sound like a hyper-feminist, but learning the history definitely solidified my stance.

 

A groom paid the father of the bride to marry her, essentially "buying" her, and, yes, she was considered to be property.  That's why women had no rights back then, because they were only property.  And she took his name so that everyone knew who she "belonged" to.  I could describe more but it would only be depressing.

 

I am all for unity and family, but I just don't understand why anyone wants to honor a tradition like that.  Maybe you could start a new tradition where he takes your name?  Or you both just pick a new name? j/k

 

You don't sound like a hyper-feminist--feminism is simply a fight for equality among genders, nationalities, and races.

 

That's absolutely revolting. It sounds like the "civilized" equivalent of pissing on a woman to mark your territory.

 

My ex-brother-in-law [yes, they're divorced] and my sister decided to take a new name when they married. I think that's cool, but I don't like losing the family connection. That's why I am content to keep my maiden name as my official name but use my FI's last name for things like a passport, etc. If you don't change your name, whose name do your kids take?? What a mess. :(

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So I never actually talked to FI about name changing until I came across this thread. FI and I go to bed every night, watching dvd's and talking, the usual. So I decided to bring up the name change thing. I was just curious to get a male's perspective. 

 

My FI commented that he'd love for me to take his name, that he'd really want me to, and it means a lot to him. Of course, he also said that I didn't have to if I didn't want, and he understands if I don't, etc. I have every intention of taking his name (moving my last name to a second middle), so it's no an issue at all. FI is super considerate and caring, and completely supports and encourages me having my own (very strong, very opinionated) identity. But, I thought it was interesting to see this meant a lot to him. 

 

I think sometimes we brides (myself totally included) get so caught up in our dream wedding and everything we've wanted for our (brides') big day, that we sometimes forget about our FIs'  hopes, wishes, opinions, etc. lol, maybe they secretly dream about their wives and weddings, too! 

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Wow, I so agree with this. I was making out the formal address list for the calligraphers, and we don't have ONE couple that goes by the old-school "Mr. and Mrs. Frank Jones", which is good because it feels so wrong to me.

I understand the romanticism of taking his name but do not like the connotation. With us, we don't have middle names, so we are BOTH taking each others' as a new middle: I become Ms.Eli Jones Smith and he becomes Mr. Michael Smith Jones. Lets us keep all our paperwork and professional stuff the same and still mark the commitment we made. 

His last name is really rare and he is one of the last males, so he REALLY wants the kids to have his name....but it's one of those names that will get a kid teased horribly at school - so I am a little confused about that.
 

Originally Posted by weddingaway View Post

I have always been very independent.  In fact, up until months ago, I had never really wanted to get married.  So, logically, I have never wanted to change my name. 

 

But then I actually read up on the history of it.  WOW!  I know that I will sound like a hyper-feminist, but learning the history definitely solidified my stance.

 

A groom paid the father of the bride to marry her, essentially "buying" her, and, yes, she was considered to be property.  That's why women had no rights back then, because they were only property.  And she took his name so that everyone knew who she "belonged" to.  I could describe more but it would only be depressing.

 

I am all for unity and family, but I just don't understand why anyone wants to honor a tradition like that.  Maybe you could start a new tradition where he takes your name?  Or you both just pick a new name? j/k



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I'm really struggling with this.  This is my second marriage and I kept my ex-husband's name.  I'm on television with my job and very well known by my name professionally.  The fi really wants me to change to his though.....  Also, I want to keep my name the same as my son's.  

 

I don't like hypens...  Was thinking of legally changing to the new one and keeping the old one and using it professionally.

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I hate departing with my last name.  I've had it all my LIFE!! So its hard to part with it and I can not hyphenate b/c it would song right.  My FI wants me to take his last name so I guess I better enjoy it while it lasts.  Another reason I dont want to change my last name is b/c you have to change all my information...accounts, work related documents and PASSPORTS!!! 

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Wow, I'd never heard this before... that's really sad. 

Originally Posted by weddingaway View Post

I have always been very independent.  In fact, up until months ago, I had never really wanted to get married.  So, logically, I have never wanted to change my name. 

 

But then I actually read up on the history of it.  WOW!  I know that I will sound like a hyper-feminist, but learning the history definitely solidified my stance.

 

A groom paid the father of the bride to marry her, essentially "buying" her, and, yes, she was considered to be property.  That's why women had no rights back then, because they were only property.  And she took his name so that everyone knew who she "belonged" to.  I could describe more but it would only be depressing.

 

I am all for unity and family, but I just don't understand why anyone wants to honor a tradition like that.  Maybe you could start a new tradition where he takes your name?  Or you both just pick a new name? j/k



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You are marrying a very cool guy! He is a keeper. 
 

Originally Posted by downtownlagirl View Post

Wow, I so agree with this. I was making out the formal address list for the calligraphers, and we don't have ONE couple that goes by the old-school "Mr. and Mrs. Frank Jones", which is good because it feels so wrong to me.

I understand the romanticism of taking his name but do not like the connotation. With us, we don't have middle names, so we are BOTH taking each others' as a new middle: I become Ms.Eli Jones Smith and he becomes Mr. Michael Smith Jones. Lets us keep all our paperwork and professional stuff the same and still mark the commitment we made. 

His last name is really rare and he is one of the last males, so he REALLY wants the kids to have his name....but it's one of those names that will get a kid teased horribly at school - so I am a little confused about that.
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by weddingaway View Post

I have always been very independent.  In fact, up until months ago, I had never really wanted to get married.  So, logically, I have never wanted to change my name. 

 

But then I actually read up on the history of it.  WOW!  I know that I will sound like a hyper-feminist, but learning the history definitely solidified my stance.

 

A groom paid the father of the bride to marry her, essentially "buying" her, and, yes, she was considered to be property.  That's why women had no rights back then, because they were only property.  And she took his name so that everyone knew who she "belonged" to.  I could describe more but it would only be depressing.

 

I am all for unity and family, but I just don't understand why anyone wants to honor a tradition like that.  Maybe you could start a new tradition where he takes your name?  Or you both just pick a new name? j/k


 


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