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Advice from you wonderful ladies...

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10 replies to this topic

#1 nicollem

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  • 34 posts

    Posted 16 December 2008 - 03:55 AM

    I've been driving myself crazy thinking about this and I would like some opinions and advice if anyone has any.

    I want to make sure I'm not worrying over nothing at all..
    Growing up, my parents always tried to make sure I knew how to be responsible with credit and to make sure I always paid all my bills on time so in the future I wouldn't have any trouble with banks/loans, etc.
    So, the result... I'm totally paranoid and anal when it comes to my credit history.
    My fiance is a very generous man, and will do anything to help out the people he loves. There is one thing that has me just starting to get a little concerned, though.
    When he was younger he did a lot of damage to his credit score. Which isn't such a big deal. It can be fixed! He's so much more responsible now and he's really gotten it to be a lot better..
    Now going back a little bit, when he and I moved in together, his father had been evicted from where he was living, so FI had him move into his old apartment. Mostly to make it easier, gave his dad all his furniture and (the part that bothers me..) left everything (electric bill, cable bill, phone bill) in his own name.
    Back to present time.. His father was recently laid off from work. Barely able to pay for rent, little money left for food, and absolutely none for his bills. My FI has been so generous, supporting him almost completely while he tries to get his pension and UI in order.
    Meanwhile, apparently he hadn't paid for any of the bills in MONTHS and James (FI) has been recently gotten a phone call to his cellphone from the cable saying its gone to collections.

    I've sort of brought up the issue lightly about bad credit before this, not a serious conversation though, and he just shrugs it off like it's no big, he already has bad credit, it doesn't really make a difference.. But I'm thinking about our future, when we want to buy a house with a family.
    It's still early in our lives and I know that the damage can be repaired..
    But I think that he shouldn't have to sacrifice his name and credit for his dad.
    At least if his dad had told him before that he couldn't afford the bills, James could have paid for it for him. But to just let it go so long seems inconsiderate.

    I would never tell my FI to not help his dad, we are well off and can afford to help him through these hard times. But I think maybe I should push for James to tell his dad to put these services into his own name.

    I am being insensitive? Overreacting? Should I just let it go and hope things get better down the road?
    If I should say something, how do I even bring it up?

    Thanks for any help!!

    #2 Cattie

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    • 594 posts

      Posted 16 December 2008 - 05:50 AM

      Speaking from advice, I had the whole layoff that killed my excellent credit. To the point of having to claim bankruptcy. I would sit him down and explain how important it is for either help his father, or have the bills put in his name. It's not fun trying to repair credit.

      We just refinanced our house to pay off my bankruptcy, and do some home repair. It's been 2 months since settlement, I'm STILL having issues with having garnishments stopped, which made me have to borrow cash from my mom to make my first new mortgage payment. Tomorrow I get to make nasty phone calls to figure out where my money is!! And I want it back!!

      Explain to him that he did the right thing by helping his father, now you both have to do the right thing for your future for a family and home of your own. It's not an easy decision for him to make, but make sure he understands you support him fully, and you both have to agree with it. It's not something that can be pushed off and only includes him.

      #3 shellb

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      • 533 posts

        Posted 16 December 2008 - 07:52 AM

        I agree with Cattie on this. He wants to help his Dad and putting a stop to that is a line I don't think you should cross. Be open with him, tell him how proud you are that he's helping his Dad and together you want to figure out a solution to getting the bad credit on track to being repaired. I often use scenarios with my FI about his bad spending habits (type of person that would rather use plastic than think about how to pay for it). How would things be if you or your FI be if one of you got laid off or pregnant or seriously hurt, could you manage the debt without jeopardizing your living standard?

        #4 Duchess

        • Jr. Member
        • 358 posts

          Posted 16 December 2008 - 11:09 AM

          Not sure if this helps just a little, but most bills wont go on your credit unless they go to collections. Things like car and rent or mortgage will, but usually at 30 days. Cable, phone, etc would go much longer, and the nasty calls will start much earlier than the credit reporting would.

          I know, not the point, but thought that could help relax you a bit.

          #5 nicollem

          • Newbie
          • 34 posts

            Posted 16 December 2008 - 12:22 PM

            I definitely would never tell him to stop helping his dad. I think since we can afford it, we should help him. Even if we pay his bills, I don't mind. I just think that I would feel more comfortable if the cable and everything else was in his own name.. not my FI's, since everything Has gone to collections.

            But I dont know how to even go about explaining to FI, because of the whole "is already bad, so oh well" attitude. I feel like I need to explain that his credit isn't an "oh well" situation.

            And Cattie, so sorry to hear about the troubles you had. Thank you for your perspective!

            #6 Cattie

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            • 594 posts

              Posted 16 December 2008 - 05:25 PM

              Oh trust me, its life. I'd rather share what I've been through so someone else can avoid it.

              I like you have a mother who had always told me how important my credit and money management was. She's a finance officer and treasurer. So she manages a multi million dollar budget on a daily basis.

              I can't wait to finish getting things straight so I can be a normal person and do things like SAVE money!!!

              GL with the talk, keep us all posted. I'm crossing my fingers for ya!!

              #7 YoursTruly

              • Sr. Member
              • 1,097 posts

                Posted 16 December 2008 - 05:44 PM

                I understand that it is a blessing that you and your FI are in a position to help his dad but guess what--when you take your FI's name, all his issues (your FIL) become YOURS too! Credit is no joke and is not a walk in the park to repair. It affects EVERY dacet of your life, down to getting a new job. Cash only goes so far. I would push for his dad to get things in hos own name. You are doing the right thing of thinking of your future--that is what our role as women are for in more cases than less, thinking ahead. A lot of times, men only think about the present. Let his dad get his stuff in his own name!!! My .02.

                #8 Chiquita

                • Sr. Member
                • 2,674 posts

                  Posted 16 December 2008 - 05:58 PM

                  I would definitely talk to your FI and explain that while it's okay for his credit to go to shit if he's single.. when you two are partners it affects you too and it could be very damaging in terms of the future. I think it's fantastic you guys are in a position to help out his dad, but I would definitely try to get those things switched over to his fathers' name.

                  #9 sdnative222

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                  • 136 posts

                    Posted 16 December 2008 - 10:39 PM

                    I have to agree whole-heartedly with Cattie. You need to let your FH know how you feel. You are not being insensitive or over-reacting. It would be in your best interest......no, it would be in both of your best interests to stop putting band aids on his Dad's financial woes. I was not lucky enough to learn good financial habits from my parents. I learned the hard way. It took a long time to repair my credit after years of bad habits.

                    As long as you bring up the subject with your FH in a non-confrontational way, I think you'll be golden. It's wonderful that you are financially stable and able to help his dad. That doesn't have to stop cold turkey. Baby steps.
                    Jocelynn and Shawn
                    Got Maui'd on November 8,2008

                    #10 JoLo908

                    • Member
                    • 889 posts

                      Posted 17 December 2008 - 02:26 AM

                      We had the credit talk... he needs to tell his dad to put things in his own name... you guys can help him out, but it is inconsiderate to let things default/ go to collections...
                      We went to buy a car together... my credit was perfect, and FI had gone down to a 504! WTF?! His credit was great, but he had cosigned on a loan for a car w/ his ex and the bitch let it go in to repossession!!! WTF?! So inconsiderate...
                      Now his credit is better, but this is an important conversation... you guys are in a relationship and are financially a team!!!

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