Advice from you wonderful ladies...
Posted 16 December 2008 - 03:55 AM
I want to make sure I'm not worrying over nothing at all..
Growing up, my parents always tried to make sure I knew how to be responsible with credit and to make sure I always paid all my bills on time so in the future I wouldn't have any trouble with banks/loans, etc.
So, the result... I'm totally paranoid and anal when it comes to my credit history.
My fiance is a very generous man, and will do anything to help out the people he loves. There is one thing that has me just starting to get a little concerned, though.
When he was younger he did a lot of damage to his credit score. Which isn't such a big deal. It can be fixed! He's so much more responsible now and he's really gotten it to be a lot better..
Now going back a little bit, when he and I moved in together, his father had been evicted from where he was living, so FI had him move into his old apartment. Mostly to make it easier, gave his dad all his furniture and (the part that bothers me..) left everything (electric bill, cable bill, phone bill) in his own name.
Back to present time.. His father was recently laid off from work. Barely able to pay for rent, little money left for food, and absolutely none for his bills. My FI has been so generous, supporting him almost completely while he tries to get his pension and UI in order.
Meanwhile, apparently he hadn't paid for any of the bills in MONTHS and James (FI) has been recently gotten a phone call to his cellphone from the cable saying its gone to collections.
I've sort of brought up the issue lightly about bad credit before this, not a serious conversation though, and he just shrugs it off like it's no big, he already has bad credit, it doesn't really make a difference.. But I'm thinking about our future, when we want to buy a house with a family.
It's still early in our lives and I know that the damage can be repaired..
But I think that he shouldn't have to sacrifice his name and credit for his dad.
At least if his dad had told him before that he couldn't afford the bills, James could have paid for it for him. But to just let it go so long seems inconsiderate.
I would never tell my FI to not help his dad, we are well off and can afford to help him through these hard times. But I think maybe I should push for James to tell his dad to put these services into his own name.
I am being insensitive? Overreacting? Should I just let it go and hope things get better down the road?
If I should say something, how do I even bring it up?
Thanks for any help!!
Posted 16 December 2008 - 05:50 AM
We just refinanced our house to pay off my bankruptcy, and do some home repair. It's been 2 months since settlement, I'm STILL having issues with having garnishments stopped, which made me have to borrow cash from my mom to make my first new mortgage payment. Tomorrow I get to make nasty phone calls to figure out where my money is!! And I want it back!!
Explain to him that he did the right thing by helping his father, now you both have to do the right thing for your future for a family and home of your own. It's not an easy decision for him to make, but make sure he understands you support him fully, and you both have to agree with it. It's not something that can be pushed off and only includes him.
Posted 16 December 2008 - 07:52 AM
Posted 16 December 2008 - 11:09 AM
I know, not the point, but thought that could help relax you a bit.
Posted 16 December 2008 - 12:22 PM
But I dont know how to even go about explaining to FI, because of the whole "is already bad, so oh well" attitude. I feel like I need to explain that his credit isn't an "oh well" situation.
And Cattie, so sorry to hear about the troubles you had. Thank you for your perspective!
Posted 16 December 2008 - 05:25 PM
I like you have a mother who had always told me how important my credit and money management was. She's a finance officer and treasurer. So she manages a multi million dollar budget on a daily basis.
I can't wait to finish getting things straight so I can be a normal person and do things like SAVE money!!!
GL with the talk, keep us all posted. I'm crossing my fingers for ya!!
Posted 16 December 2008 - 05:44 PM
Posted 16 December 2008 - 05:58 PM
Posted 16 December 2008 - 10:39 PM
As long as you bring up the subject with your FH in a non-confrontational way, I think you'll be golden. It's wonderful that you are financially stable and able to help his dad. That doesn't have to stop cold turkey. Baby steps.
Posted 17 December 2008 - 02:26 AM
We went to buy a car together... my credit was perfect, and FI had gone down to a 504! WTF?! His credit was great, but he had cosigned on a loan for a car w/ his ex and the bitch let it go in to repossession!!! WTF?! So inconsiderate...
Now his credit is better, but this is an important conversation... you guys are in a relationship and are financially a team!!!
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