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Destination doubts


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#1 hollym

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    Posted 13 November 2008 - 02:35 PM

    So I really thought I wanted to have a destination wedding. Turns out my immediate family might have a hard time affording it (even though they spend on frivolous things...don't get me started) and my mom kind of indirectly made me feel guilty about it. My FI's family is all for it, granted they have the money, so I'm kind of torn.

    Part of me says it's my wedding and I can do what I want but it's important to me for my family to be there but I don't want my mom making me feel guilty and bringing it up the rest of my life. She's kind of like that. "Well, we can't do this and that because we spent our money on Holly's wedding".

    I guess I'm considering like a beach wedding or something in my own state then taking off for a honeymoon. Maybe that way I can have a little of both sides. My problem with this though is that we wanted a small, tiny little wedding (20 people) and if I have the wedding close to home I feel like I'll have to invite more people. Having a DW was kind of my way of getting around that.

    I was hoping some of you kind girls would give me your opinions and help me feel better about doing it one way or another.
    Thanks
    mattandhollytietheknot.com

    #2 saraece

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      Posted 13 November 2008 - 02:47 PM

      i feel for you. It wa a hard decision for most of us. i know we had to give up a few things by having a DW, like FI mother isn't coming, and it was difficult to get his sister there. The obvious advice is "It's your wedding do what you want" but my reality is that having my family around was more important and if they couldn't go I would have to come up with something else.
      I am geographically challenged when it comes to the states but maybe a beach that is a 5-6 hour drive away which means people will have to book a hotel room. I bet will drop your guest list down while family would still come. It could be a mini DW and if it was near a major city you could fly off to your homeymoon right away.
      Like our first kiss all over again

      #3 adias.angel

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        Posted 13 November 2008 - 02:53 PM

        If you do it in your own state can you do it a few hours away? Would that help you cut the guest list down.

        *hug* I understand what your going through. My FI's family is having some job problems right now so in the beginning we thought about just doing it here. Lucky my FMIL is an amazing women and knew how much I would hate having to be the center of attention at a huge wedding. So she told us that they would put a little aside each month and in 2 years they would have the money. Maybe this system could work for your mom? Its amazing what $30 a paycheck put aside can do. Carla

        #4 Ana

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        Posted 13 November 2008 - 03:19 PM

        That's definitely a tough decision...I think i personally would have it close to home and then do an amazing honeymoon away. To me it was important to have my family there...so for those members who couldn't afford to come, we are paying.

        #5 sunsetbride1

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          Posted 13 November 2008 - 03:35 PM

          I think that almost everyone on here has had similar problems with having a DW.

          I can tell you that my sister can't go as well as a great deal of my family. We ended up going with a less expensive resort and location so my father and FMIL could afford it.

          That being said, when we decided on a DW; we did it with the thought in mind that noone may be able to go and it may just be the two of us. And.. we were ok with that. With the idea in mind, that we would have it videotaped and do a very very casual AHR to show it to everyone.

          I was pleasantly suprised that my Dad and FMIL were both into the idea, which is what caused us to go with a less lux resort and location. And a lot of both our friends are on-board as well because we kept it cost effective and gave them over a year to save up.

          Just remember this your wedding day! You and Fh should have the wedding of your dreams. Whether it ends up being just the two of you in Tahiiti; a small beach wedding closer to home; or a large traditional wedding.

          I wish I could tell you more to help.. I hope that sharing my experience helps you get some perspective.

          #6 samanthag

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            Posted 13 November 2008 - 03:48 PM

            i can totally relate too! We were planning to marry in Puerto Rico April 2009 and just postponed. I was so frustrated with hearing everyone complain about finances. The difficult thing is that FI and I have started talking about the wedding date/location again and we STILL want a destination wedding!
            We are going to set a date in 2010. We figure that it's plenty of time for those who want to come to save money. And if they can't make it that's okay too.
            You really do need to do what you want to do. It's hard but it's your wedding. If it's most important to have your entire family there, it's possible.

            We are here for you!

            #7 Ayita

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              Posted 13 November 2008 - 04:02 PM

              I have the same kind of issues the other way around : my family can afford it, not my FI's family.

              We thought about several options. One of them was actually to elope - have our beach wedding, just the two of us, but do a live broadcast (they do it in Hawai, Bahamas, Azul Sensatori on Riviera Maya) so that people could be there - even remotely. Or, elope, have our beach wedding, make a video, and throw an AHR with the video playing and people coming just to celebrate. Or both video and broadcast.

              We finally decided to make the party on the beach, with no AHR (maybe a party back in France this summer). We picked up a location that is close (2H30 travel time) so that people would only have to stay 2 nights (more if they want, but if they can't, that's only two nights). I'm giving one night vouchers for the ones that really need to be there and that I want to help (FI parents for instance) and I'm paying for his niece (still a student). We also did not select an AI because if you don't eat and drink a lot it's actually more expensive. Because it's not an AI this place also does not charge day pass for external guests. They also don't impose me to fill up a certain number of rooms. We decided on a hotel rather than a restaurant, because the rental of the location (for the restaurant) was adding up to the same amount I would have to pay to actually fully privatize the hotel if my wedding is more than 40 guests, but say only 20 rooms are booked. So all in all, it's gonna cost about 600-650$ by person for people with vouchers that will stay 2 nights, and about 750$ for people without vouchers for the same time (2 nights). Pretty reasonnable, specially if you can plan a year in advance (that's 50$ a month to save), and/or get airfares lower than 500$ (if you book a year in advance I think it's less than 500$).

              If you decide to actually rent a restaurant (for instance Al Cielo could do it), you can even get lower than that, as people can stay in cheaper hotels if they want to. It's just more of a logistics nightmare... in my opinion. I still think people can save 50$ per month to come to their loved one wedding... however broke they may be.

              It's all about how you pick up your location !

              Hope this helps !

              #8 ikupoo

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                Posted 13 November 2008 - 04:31 PM

                If you think about it, if you have a wedding at home and invite lots of people, that could cost even more than having a destination wedding. Your parents may not realize that. You may want to get the price estimate in both situations and present it to your family. In my situation, my fiance is paying for his family, but we asked them to contribute as much as they can.

                #9 Ayita

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                  Posted 13 November 2008 - 04:44 PM

                  Quote:
                  Originally Posted by ikupoo
                  If you think about it, if you have a wedding at home and invite lots of people, that could cost even more than having a destination wedding. Your parents may not realize that. You may want to get the price estimate in both situations and present it to your family. In my situation, my fiance is paying for his family, but we asked them to contribute as much as they can.
                  True that - it costs more at home if the family pays for the wedding but if they are just attending it, it's actually cheaper for them tohave the party at home...

                  My comments are based on the assumption that you guys are paying for the wedding - not your family. They would only pay for their trip.

                  #10 rach220

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                    Posted 13 November 2008 - 05:07 PM

                    I am kind of having this same issue...my parents said they will absolutely be there...but I have overheard them say they don't know how they will be able to afford it. I know they will be there no matter what, but I don't want them to go into debt to do it! (Although, they are already wayy into debt) I was thinking of paying for them, but then felt guilty that we should pay for FIs parents too...
                    Even before we decided on the DW, we told our parents we were footing the wedding bill, so they wouldn't have to worry about it...but my mom has always insisted on covering 3 things: the dress, the pics, and the music. Even those will send her into debt...
                    I am loving planning this, but I can't help but feel guilty whenever my mom is around the planning process...I know it is going to be hard for them...but for me, there's no turning back...I will just have to figure out if we are going to pay or not...ughhh

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