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I need to know how to handle this situation...

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33 replies to this topic

#11 Celina

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    Posted 02 September 2008 - 01:20 PM

    I would discuss with FI first before responding to her e-mail. How pathetic that she couldn't tell you guys herself - and that she thinks she should be included in the Calgary wedding. Some people have the nerve!!!
    "Love is not who you live with...it's who you can't live without"

    #12 KAMAY11

    • Jr. Member
    • 456 posts

      Posted 02 September 2008 - 01:27 PM

      I know exactly what my FI will say-"Don't bother." He's written them off, and doesn't see any point to bring anything up with them.
      It makes me sooo sad that his family is like this. I just want to stand up for him...
      D & K
      October 16th, 2008-Riu Palace Cabo San Lucas


      #13 roo66

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        Posted 02 September 2008 - 01:31 PM

        Dont let them bring you guys down.x

        #14 luckygirl

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          Posted 02 September 2008 - 01:33 PM

          Ok, here's my take because my situation is similar to your FI's. My mother is and has been a loon since she dropped acid in the 70's and decided to run after a bus to kiss it. So up until the age of 8 I was bounced around between my mother, my great-grandmother and her cult members until my great-grandmother said enough is enough and raised me herself..bless her she is 108 now! So anywhos, long story short I let her back in my life and what does she do..disappoint. I found that my cutting her off was the best thing because it caused me great depression. I didn't have a choice of who my was, but I could choose to have a healthier situation. So, first of all discuss with you FI how he feels and then try somehow to bring up how you just need some organization for your wedding and need to know that when someone signs up to be your flower girl they're going to do it. A pattern has already been established and it does not make you feel comfortable having to wonder what is going on. Next, your legal day is just as special as your actual day and do you really want that negative influence around? Just say it is only for the two of you...period. Just be supportive of your fiance and if he feels let down and hurt just be there for him. And, if he decides he can't cut ties and wants them there then you must support that. I find that if you go off about a situation when the other person already feels like crap, you just make a situation worse.
          It's tough to cut off a parent even when they have given you nothing but heartache. My mother is definitely not invited to my wedding and I have no qualms about it either. Good luck.

          #15 Amarillis

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            Posted 02 September 2008 - 01:35 PM

            I am kinda grumpy myself today.

            I guess if your FI says he would rather you say nothing, than part of me says you should respect him first.

            But then there is a part of me that says eff that... they let him down AGAIN, and this time it isn't just FI that they let down it is yourself as well. You have a right to be upset and hurt as well.

            FSIL got your hopes up too, and let you down.

            I agree that email isn't the route, my best advice - if possible go to her face to face, otherwise call and say that she has disappointed you - tell her that FI is unfazed because he has grown accustomed to the letdowns, but that you personally thought you had a relationship with FSIL.

            Be brutally honest.

            Gawd I am grumpy today.

            #16 Jacqueline

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              Posted 02 September 2008 - 01:35 PM

              I think Megan's is the best way to go about it.. say you're disappointed but wish she would have been woman anough to tell you. good luck whatever you do!!!!!

              #17 1elephant

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                Posted 03 September 2008 - 05:33 AM

                so what happened? i hope you told fmil that they can't come to legal day and that fsil should shove off.

                #18 Kelly C

                Kelly C
                • Sr. Member
                • 2,051 posts

                  Posted 03 September 2008 - 09:23 AM

                  Kaylee, sorry girlie I didn't see this earlier. Now that I dont have my laptop Im a little behind. So what did you decide?
                  Kerrington Danielle was born 6/23/09 12:31 pm 7lbs 14oz.


                  #19 JoLo908

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                    Posted 03 September 2008 - 09:57 AM

                    It sucks.... my FI has all sorts of family problems as well on his mom's side and it has made things really difficult. If I were you, I would just accept what it is, call her and ask her, is this true? I would have appreciated the news coming from you.... don't get to angry though, this is obviously how these people function.
                    Make sure to tell FI that you love him and that's why you guys are so special because YOU will always be there no matter what... and that is important now, and on your wedding day.... best of luck, I know what it's like to be in that rough situation...

                    #20 KAMAY11

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                    • 456 posts

                      Posted 03 September 2008 - 10:48 AM

                      I decided to send an email to my FSIL and said-your mom emailed me the other day and told me that you and the kids aren't coming to our wedding. I wish that you would have told me yourself when we talked the other day.
                      Then i just went on to say our legal day is going to be kept very private, with only our witnesses in attendance.
                      Maybe it was rude, but I am not one to let things like this go...i wanted to say more but it's not my place. My FI doesn't even bother with them anymore.
                      Why are families such a pain in the a** sometimes??
                      D & K
                      October 16th, 2008-Riu Palace Cabo San Lucas


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