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Saraha

I Gotta Personal Question/Problem ~ Women

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Adinu View Post
I've been having a similar issue as well. I think in part mine has to do with the birth control pill that I'm on. Its a pretty common side effect. For the first part of our relationship I wasn't on it but after I started my drive has gone out the window. But I don't think its only caused by that so I don't want to blame all of it on the pill. Also, before I met my FI I was in really good shape. Running and working out with a trainer etc. I had a good eating regiment and I was really proud of the way I looked. Once I met Michael and I moved to Vancouver my workout/eating routine went out the window and I got a bit soft again. Since I feel gross about myself I find it hard to feel sexy and want to be intimate. I can't remember whether I read this somewhere or if I saw it on tv...but I remember a counsellor saying that for women their sex drive is influenced by a million little things, diet, body perception, emotional intimacy, stress etc... anything can sort of throw it off. Usually though its issues within ourselves that we need to workout.

For me too, because we live together I find its easy to be lazy, and just put it off. Its hard with work, studying, workingout, keeping the house from falling apart etc.. to have alot of extra time, so its easy to say I'm tired and I don't feel like it...lol. Actually my friend was saying she never feels like it anymore but just does it anyways, because even if you don't really want to at that moment, you never say to yourself "oh boy I wish I hadn't done that" once its over. Chances are you are happy...so maybe the trick for me is to just suck it up and do it. As well as conituning to try and workout and get back on track with my body, because if I feel good it will show I think.

That makes complete since to me.... when we first started dating I played volleyball 5 hours a day, ate healthy and was the best sheape I have even been in. Now I feel disgusting, I hate seeing myself naked let alone Kevin. I know that is the last thing he would think about but I personally and not at all happy. I too live with him and find that we can always put it off, "ohh Im tired can we jsut do it tomorrow" and we never do. But I completely agree with not only the Birth control but how you feel about yourself.

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in a weird way I'm feeling a bit better knowing I'm not the only one feeling this way sad.gif

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Adinu View Post
in a weird way I'm feeling a bit better knowing I'm not the only one feeling this way sad.gif
Me too. I was worried that Im doing something wrong in the relationship or that Im not trying to make it work... I dont know hard to explain.

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I am right there with you girls (unless I am drunk, then I am usually horny and not embarrassed about my body). I have always had this problem for as long as I've had a sex life. It isn't that I don't enjoy it, it's just usually I don't feel like it. Then once we start, it gets easier. Matt has a real problem with this, thinks I don't find him sexually attractive, when I do. So it's definitely taken a toll on our relationship, but I think he is finally realizing that to me sex does not equal love.

 

Oh and re:bc - mine used to get better once I went off bc, but that doesn't have really any effect on it anymore for some reason...

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this is an arguement in our house as well. I have a gut and I dont feel sexy. he buy lingerie and I hate myself in it. I think about sex allllll the time when he is not around but when he comes around I begin thinking ok let me cook he has worked all day. Let me get our son down so that he can have some quiet so that he can study. I start finding other things to do,.

 

trust me I WANT HIM but and he wants me but he has to look at me. I feel fat.

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You aren't alone Sarah! I'm on super stong BC--it has actually put me into menopause and has shut down all natural estrogen production so intimacy is an issue for us. FYI - hot fashes aren't really sexy. Screaming get off me and running naked to stand in front of the fan or freezer door is pretty funny, though it does make it hard to pick up where you left off...

 

I also find that stress effects my libido. With the wedding being so close and me heading into the busy season at work by the time I get home or finish working on wedding stuff I'm too tired to do it. I also have body image issues so I don't really feel sexy anymore. This is definitely something we need to work on. I'm sure once we get to Jamaica where we can relax and after I go off the BC things will be better.

 

I guess that isn't a solution but at least you know you're not alone!

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Quote:
Originally Posted by LadyP View Post
this is an arguement in our house as well. I have a gut and I dont feel sexy. he buy lingerie and I hate myself in it. I think about sex allllll the time when he is not around but when he comes around I begin thinking ok let me cook he has worked all day. Let me get our son down so that he can have some quiet so that he can study. I start finding other things to do,.

trust me I WANT HIM but and he wants me but he has to look at me. I feel fat.
I totally understand what you mean. The funny thing is that I don't think that our FI's and husbands see us the way we see ourselves. We're way more critical than other people, and we focus on the little things, that otherwise would go unnoticed. I think that's why my FI and I argue about it, he doesn't understand why I don't think I'm attractive when he thinks that I am. I'm sure its the same for all of you girls. Your men find you irresistable and that's awesome! If only we could somehow see ourselves through their eyes wink.gif

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Sarah,

 

I think all of us go through this at different points in our relationships - FI and I have been together for almost 5 yeas and drives come and go and go up and down. I agree that BC can definitely affect your libido but for me personally, exercising and eating healthy make ALL the difference. If i don't feel Hot, I am just not that into it.

A

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