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Kristy!

A wee bit concerned

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I haven't gotten too personal on this forum yet, but I guess that's about to change.

 

I have been putting off placing our engagment announcement in the local newspapers because I'm a little afraid of my ex. We dated for over 5 years and then I found out he had another girlfriend for about 7 months. I confronted him and he went crazy. He took over 100 OTC pills and downed it with a bottle of vodka. I guess he had started using steriods shortly before that and it obviously was affecting his stability. We got an ambulance there in time and they pumped his stomach and he was fine.

 

Fast forwarding a little bit, obviously I ended that relationship and moved on to my wonderful fiance. The problem is that I occassionally get text messages from the ex saying he misses me or whatever. I set up a block on my e-mail to avoid those messages. He disappears for a while and then like 6 months later, he tries to make contact again. I have not seen or spoken to him since 2004 and do not plan on opening that line of communication at all. I'm much better off without him in my life. A few people have told me that they'd seen him recently and he is really big, so he's definitely still using steroids.

 

Here's what worries me...I'm afraid that when he finds out I'm engaged, he's going to go a nuts again. I don't live in the same town as when we were dating, but I'm only about 15 minutes away. I doubt he already knows because we don't have any mutual friends anymore. Has anyone else experienced anything like this?

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I had a crazy ex as well. But IMO if you want to do an announcement, then do one. Don't live your life wondering "what if" Hopefully since it's been awhile now since you had contact with him, that he had time to get over you.

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I had a very jealous ex. to be honest, i probably wouldn't do the announcement - if he is that unstable - why invite the drama into your life?

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Don't stop your life because of him and his 'crazy' antics. He is going to do whatever he is going to do. You have zero responsibility for his actions. Don't ever forget that.

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i would tend to agree with Alyssa. Is the announcement something that is really important to you? If not, maybe just skip it. If it's really important, I guess go forward but just give your FI a heads up and keep an eye out.

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Very tough position to be in. Personally if it important to you then do it, as Tammy said you cant live your life based on him being a nutball. But if you are worried about your personal safety then I would not do it. Can you make a list of pros and cons of doing it? I have not ever really understood anouncements anyway. So if it is not a huge deal for you either you or your FI then forget it.

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I tend to be of the opinion that you should follow your gut. I personally did not publish any announcements because I only want people I know & care about to know my personal business. I think public announcements invite contact from people you haven't heard from in a while - in most cases thats cool, but if you have a crazy ex who tried to kill himself, not so cool.

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Are you afraid of his safety or yours? If you think he might go nuts and do something to himself that is not your problem! If you think he might go psycho on you or your Fi then I would just maybe send out announcements personally to all the people you feel should be notified. It's really not worth having a stalker.

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What are the chances he will actually read the engagement section? I say if it's important to you then go for it, if it's just a formality then don't add that extra stress in your life.

 

Hopefully, he has moved on by now either way! Good Luck!

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