Stag n' Doe - to have, or not to have?

My FI and I have a lot of people who won't be able to come to Jamaica with us for our actual ceremony, and an AHR just isn't feasible budget-wise.

We were thinking of having a traditional stag n' doe before we go away. He thinks it's a great idea to make some extra cash (since we won't really be expecting gifts on the beach in MoBay), but I think it may be stretching it a bit.

I mean, we're already asking the guests who are coming, to pay a pretty large amount of money to attend our wedding, and we ARE saving tens of thousands of dollars by doing a destination wedding.

Is it "tacky" (for lack of a better word) to have a stag n' doe to raise funds for us as well?

We were thinking the same thing.....We are not have a AHR so we thought a stag and doe might be a good idea so everyone can celebrate with us in a way. We have invited a lot of people to Jamaica and alot are not going to be coming. So is it tacky??

Any help from past brides would be great!!

Thanks

Yeah, in a way, a stag n' doe IS a great way to have everyone celebrate together (since AHR's are pretty much defeating the financial purpose to having a DW...in my opinion anyway), and I would never be one to turn away money being handed to me - but I already feel bad for asking people to pay so much to attend our wedding.

(See another post where I admit I made a mistake by booking the hotel/flights astronomically early, thus making the price quite high...ARGH!)

Traditionally, it is the wedding party that would typically throw a Stag and Doe for the bride and groom. It is kind of like a co-ed wedding shower/ co-ed bachelor party where everyone gets to have one big party! Most people that attend these events know that all of the monetary proceeds go to the bride and groom to help with wedding costs. There is usually a 50/50 draw, poker tables, a raffle for prizes, cash bar and a cover charge. I really don't think that it is tacky at all to be honest. I have been to more Stag and Doe's than I can count and have thrown a couple myself when I was a bridesmaid. I always look forward to them! I say if you want one...go for it!!

Our groomsmen threw us one, it was a great chance to celebrate with people who we know, like and would like to celebrate but who a) couldn't make it to the wedding would have liked to invite to the AHR, but the numbers would not make it possible. We made $2000 which was a nice bonus and it was a super fun night! I say if you want to do one, do it. I know of other DW brides who have had stags as well (on the forum and otherwise) so I don't think it matters that you are spending less on your wedding that a regular wedding.

I am going to be very honest here, but it does not mean I am right, its just how I feel. We did not have one, my bridal party wanted to throw us one and DH and I told them NO and don't even think about it. I think its totally tacky to ask people to donate money to helping out with your wedding when they are not going to be there or they are spending a lot of money to be there. You could have a party and not make it about making money, but one that is about making money IMHO is very tacky for a DW

I think its a great idea---- my throw this around with my bestest!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I agree with Julie, it's just my opinion or feeling on the subject but even if I was having a traditional wedding I would not want to have a stag & doe. I just personally do not appreciate the concept of "raising money" for your wedding. I mean I'm sure it's nice to make money to put towards the wedding but I have been to a few for friends where seriously they were counting on making a certain amount from it and they kept calling it "proceeds" which just put me off.

If you have to have a party and make your friends pay to attend to be able to afford your wedding, maybe you should consider instead scaling back a bit on the wedding so that it's more affordable.

If you just want to be able to celebrate with friends/family who can't make it, it doesn't have to be expensive, you could have people byob even, but I don't feel it seems right to charge your friends to celebrate with you!

So what exactly is this? I don't think I have ever heard of it, or at least the term. I say if these happen where you live then go for it!

I think its a Canadian thing, and its a pretty new thing, they did not exist when our parents got married.