10 replies to this topic

[*JillD*]

I think most of you may know that FI's family is not coming to our wedding. This is a 2nd wedding for FI and they don't like to travel, etc.... whatever, so we're over it. Well FI called his mom a few months ago and said you know I understand that you already gave me money the first time I got married for the wedding, so I don't expect anything from you, but at least get Jill a gift so she knows that you're happy about the wedding and her coming into our family. She asked what to get me and FI said she likes jewelry and she wears white gold or silver.

Fast forward to 3 days ago. FI called his mom and got upset with her because they don't even ask about the wedding, he knows there not going but feels like they could at least show some interest or excitement and I think most of this is because he's worried about my feelings being hurt, when in all reality I could really care less.

I don't need a gift from them and I wish he hadn't said that to his mother.

So anyway, yesterday FI calls me and says my mom wants to you stop over, she has something for you.

So I go and she gives me the gift. It's a necklace with a cross on it. Now, I'm not super religious or anything, but I would wear a nice cross necklace. Thats not really the issue, first of all its yellow gold and FI told her I don't wear yellow gold, 2nd I think its all diamonds (I'm assuming, maybe not) but it just really looks like a piece of jewelry that you would buy thinking, oh, it looks really expensive, but at the same time it looks really cheap, if that makes any sense.

I would have liked just a plain silver or white gold cross so much more.

I know I sound so ungrateful and thats really not how I mean to sound at all, it was so nice of her to get me something, I didn't expect or need anything, my actual problem is that what do I do now, she's going to expect to see me wearing it and I don't even remotely like it!!

[Jessica]

Just from the story, it's hard to tell whether she got this gift passive aggressively (like she knew you wouldn't like it, but got it for you anyway) or genuinely thought it was nice.

Let's give her the benefit of the doubt and say she got it for you thinking it is pretty and that you would like it. That being said, I've gotten many a gift from my mother -in-law where I'm just like "Ehhh, yuck!" Luckily she often gives me a gift receipt and doesn't care if I exchange it for something else.

However, once in awhile, no gr, so I sort of just pretend I like it, especially if it's something I know she really thinks that I will just love. I would (if you want to go the nice route) perhaps wear it a few times in her presence and then just put it away in a jewelry box. Chances are she probably won't expect you to wear it every time right?!

Or you can take the blunt route and say "I appreciate the gift but it's not my taste." Stuff like this, although I'm usually straight forward and honest, I just white-lie my way through it because it's easier!

[*JillD*]

I know, I don't want to hurt her feelings, I think she probably does really think its nice, she'd probably wear it, but we do have different tastes.

When I opened it, she was there of course, so I said "oh its beautiful" lying through my teeth.

When I got home, I showed FI, he looked at it and didn't say anything. I think he doesn't like it either, but I didn't say anything because I don't want to hurt his feelings either, even though, he knows what I like and I'm pretty sure when he saw it, he didn't say anything because he was mad that, thats what his mom got me.

I guess maybe I could just wear it a couple times when I see her. Theres nothing on the box that tells me where she got it from, so I can't even return it.

I suppose I could nicely ask her if she minds if I exchange it for something silver or white gold, I just feel really bad!

[gkashmira]

I think you should just wear it a few times around her and then quietly tuck it away. I think if you do ask her if you can exchange it her feelings might be hurt and it's just not worth it. It was a nice gesture for her to give you a giuft to welcome you to the family - so accept it for that and keep it in a jewelry box for future memories.

[*JillD*]

I know, I really don't want to hurt her feelings, I can wear it on the holidays and make her happy.

Please don't anyone think I'm ungrateful for her gift, I think it was very nice of her to get me something, even if FI kind of pushed it, I just didn't know what to do about wearing it.

But I guess wearing it for the holidays would be okay. I can do that.

[Chiquita]

Tough call.. I would probably wear it a couple times in front of her then put it away and never see it again! Or in a couple years pull it out and sell it on ebay or something

[TammyB]

What about asking her if she would mind if you had it dipped in white gold so that it matches the rest of your jewerly.

[Jessica]

Wearing it for the holidays is a good idea. And I don't think you're being ungrateful at all. I personally hate yellow gold, so I totally understand where you are coming from! It's just a matter of personal taste.

[dragonfly]

I would not exchange it, mother in law relationships are hard enough without adding in hurt feelings because she feels you didn't appreciate her gesture. I am sure she bought it for you thinking you would like it, I do think it was good that she respected your fi wishes in buying you a gift I would say that means she is making a effort.

It is really just a neclace and at the end of the day how difficult would it be to throw it in your jewellery box and pull it out everyonce in awhile when you see her, it will make her feel good and your fi will appreciate that you are trying to pease his mom, therefore you really have nothing to lose.

We all grin and gush over gifts we don't really like once in awhile, it just goes with being a gracious person. How many times have our children given us the most outlandish things and we grin and wear them with pride because it makes them feel good. Keep the neclace and save any unnessesary drama that would come with trying to exchange it or explain how it's not your taste, jmho.

[*JillD*]

I really do appreciate all of your opinions!

And you're right that I don't want to hurt her feelings or upset her, so I will just wear it on the holidays and keep it tucked away.