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how are you including your step kids

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My fiance wants to have his two boys (ages nearly 6 and 10 by wedding time) serve as two of his groomsmen. I've agreed-- I think it's a cute idea, and I am all for anything that makes them feel more a part of things. But I do have some concerns that I will just need to troubleshoot a bit. Such as: Should they walk down the aisle with a bridesmaid, or should they be up there with my FI from the start? Will the photos appear unbalanced with 3 'maids and 1 adult groomsman? How long will they tolerate the picture session before their attention span wears out? Will they stay still at the altar for so long??? (We were thinking of having a full Mass...perhaps we should re-think!)

 

Clearly these are small questions to overcome, and it's much more important that they feel a part of it and feel what a special, exciting time this is. My fiance and I are very close to the boys, and we have already been a family, living together, for two years now, but they're just as excited as we are for the wedding! They keep asking about it and are so excited for our site visit to Mexico in November, which we are bringing them along for. 

 

What we are NOT doing is what their mother did when she remarried earlier this year: She told them the day of or possibly the day before she she and their step-dad were getting married and a friend-- newly ordained online-- married them in their living room. All the boys remember from it is that a bunch of people came over to the house, Mommy wore a pink dress, they kissed, and then they went to dinner at an Italian restaurant.

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We are doing the sand ceremony for sure.  I am trying to figure other ways to include my son.  My main concern is him feeling left out.  I want to include his name on invitations and favors, etc.  I haven't seen wording that included the children, but this is about all of us becoming one family.  His last name won't change, but he is a big part of this as well.  Any advice is needed!

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I havent had our ceremony yet but my wedding coordinator had some really good ideas for me on how we could include my daughter in the whole process. She suggested that all 3 of us do the sand ceremony, pouring sand into 1 jar, include vows to her from her step dad, and have her stand up in the ceremony with me. Hope this helps.

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Originally Posted by Ty Roane View Post

 

We are doing the sand ceremony for sure.  I am trying to figure other ways to include my son.  My main concern is him feeling left out.  I want to include his name on invitations and favors, etc.  I haven't seen wording that included the children, but this is about all of us becoming one family.  His last name won't change, but he is a big part of this as well.  Any advice is needed!

I wanted to include my fiancé's boys' names on the invitation, too, incorporated into a logo that I created for us to use as a stamp on the invitations, StD's, welcome bags, coasters, and everything else. (Samples attached). But HE is actually against it! He wants it just to say "J&L". He says that we make everything else in our lives about them (as parents should!); he wants some part of the wedding to feature just us. So, there's an alternate perspective for you! We haven't made a final determination yet on what we will do. 

 

We are still having the boys as two of his three groomsmen, and the wording on the invitation will be something like "Together with their families..." or something inclusive like that. I haven't gotten that far yet :) We also included them in our engagement photo session last weekend, it was really fun!

 

 

 

 

Wedding Graphics.pptx

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Originally Posted by LCB803 View Post

 

My fiance wants to have his two boys (ages nearly 6 and 10 by wedding time) serve as two of his groomsmen. I've agreed-- I think it's a cute idea, and I am all for anything that makes them feel more a part of things. But I do have some concerns that I will just need to troubleshoot a bit. Such as: Should they walk down the aisle with a bridesmaid, or should they be up there with my FI from the start? Will the photos appear unbalanced with 3 'maids and 1 adult groomsman? How long will they tolerate the picture session before their attention span wears out? Will they stay still at the altar for so long??? (We were thinking of having a full Mass...perhaps we should re-think!)

 

Clearly these are small questions to overcome, and it's much more important that they feel a part of it and feel what a special, exciting time this is. My fiance and I are very close to the boys, and we have already been a family, living together, for two years now, but they're just as excited as we are for the wedding! They keep asking about it and are so excited for our site visit to Mexico in November, which we are bringing them along for. 

 

What we are NOT doing is what their mother did when she remarried earlier this year: She told them the day of or possibly the day before she she and their step-dad were getting married and a friend-- newly ordained online-- married them in their living room. All the boys remember from it is that a bunch of people came over to the house, Mommy wore a pink dress, they kissed, and then they went to dinner at an Italian restaurant.

I think that's a great idea having them as such an important role for your FI. I don't think the picture would look unbalanced- it would be a symbol of your new family. Just think of how many bridal parties are formed because of friendships and the bond with the bride and groom and not based on the person's height. Would the boys prefer to sit during the ceremony? Maybe in the front row with their grandparents? And for pictures, maybe do all the immediate family portraits first and that way they will be interested and well behaved for those, and by the time pictures are taken with the friends group they may not necessarily be in those. These are all little suggestions that I hope can help you.

 

For my 7 year old step son to be, he too is very excited. He keeps asking "when are we going for the wedding?" And we'll tell him "7 months", his reply "that's a long time." So cute. We are going to be doing a sand ceremony to include him and also having a slide show including many pictures of us as a family. My FI and I were just recently discussing also including him in the cake cutting. 

 

Good luck with your planning :)

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We have a unusual situation.  My FI and I have been together for 17 years and he has a daughter from his first marriage (21), I have a son from my first marriage (23) and we have a 10 year old together.  We also have 3 more children as my sister was killed in a car accident 8 years ago and we adopted her 3 kids now aged 24, 21 and 17.  With raising so many children, we didn't make too much time for ourselves and planning a wedding.  Now that the four older ones are living on their own and attending college/university, we have decided to make some time for ourselves and are getting married.  We are having all six children as our bridal party.  They are all very pleased!  However, the invitations etc. are exclusively in our name and do not include the children.  With such an experience, I know that if we lived through raising all those kids (and all their friends, lol) that we definitely have  the art of marriage down to perfection!  I know that I will die with this man and will continue to love him more each day!   

 

Here are some tips to all new step parents....

 

1. remember that the children will eventually grow up and move out, your spouse will be there with you forever so make sure to put him/her FIRST;

 

2. dont' sweat the small stuff;

 

3. don't compare;

 

4. don't become defensive when step parent is trying to discipline...always support them and don't fight in front of the children, wait until you are alone and then discuss what you disliked or disagreed with and find a compromise; and

 

5. Sit down as a family and create rules, post them of the fridge if you have to...make sure it's in black and white so that the entire family knows the rules (this saved us from many disagreements);

 

Hope this helps.  I have a bunch more where that came from, lol

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Quote:
Originally Posted by WCorey View Post

I havent had our ceremony yet but my wedding coordinator had some really good ideas for me on how we could include my daughter in the whole process. She suggested that all 3 of us do the sand ceremony, pouring sand into 1 jar, include vows to her from her step dad, and have her stand up in the ceremony with me. Hope this helps.

 

OMG such a great idea to include them in the vows. I love that idea. I have to soon to be stpe-children and i am having such a hard time deciding on what to do.

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Originally Posted by sswed13 View Post

I think that's a great idea having them as such an important role for your FI. I don't think the picture would look unbalanced- it would be a symbol of your new family. Just think of how many bridal parties are formed because of friendships and the bond with the bride and groom and not based on the person's height. Would the boys prefer to sit during the ceremony? Maybe in the front row with their grandparents? And for pictures, maybe do all the immediate family portraits first and that way they will be interested and well behaved for those, and by the time pictures are taken with the friends group they may not necessarily be in those. These are all little suggestions that I hope can help you.

 

For my 7 year old step son to be, he too is very excited. He keeps asking "when are we going for the wedding?" And we'll tell him "7 months", his reply "that's a long time." So cute. We are going to be doing a sand ceremony to include him and also having a slide show including many pictures of us as a family. My FI and I were just recently discussing also including him in the cake cutting. 

 

Good luck with your planning :)

 

Including them in the cake cutting is also great. Hmmm that is another option i might consider. Such great ideas.

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