Inviting/not inviting certain people

KrystalDawn · July 10, 2012

Is there anyone that you are having a hard time deciding whether to invite or not invite to join in your wedding experience? My FI doesn't want to invite his mom or sister to share in our day. I feel terrible being on FB saying anything and his sister seeing without being sent an invitiation. She lives in NY and I don't know whether they would even come.

FI doesn't want his mom to come because she is a heavy drinker (the kind that doesn't think she is) and he is worried about her embarrassing him or doing something stupid while in a different country. I feel like it is best to go along with what he wants regarding his own family, but I feel terrible. We would have to pay for his mom to attend since she does not work so the financial burden would be a bit much BUT doable if he wanted to bring her.

How do you tell someone they can't attend because of their actions? Is it best to not say anything? To be fair she doesn't really konw that we are already planning this or where we are going. I just feel guilty. He doesn't want his sister to attend because she and his mother do not speak and haven't for 10+ years. He thinks it is rude to not invite his mom, but invite his sister. His mom doesn't know that FI and his sister even speak because she would get upset.

Any suggestions on how to handle this situation if we are asked about it from either of them?

Is my FI crazy for feeling this way?

Thanks for the feedback!

FireyNurse · July 11, 2012

I think families and their different dynamics are always so tricky!

My FI's father and sister are not coming to our wedding and my father is not either....long story but in the end it is the best decision for us.

I don't know the whole story for you but I know with my situation I left the decisions to invite or not invite his family up to him. We live across the country from them and I didn't grow up with them and haven't even met some of them at all so I feel as though I can't make a decision in regards to having them attend or not and what they will be like on our big day.

What I tried to do is be supportive of whatever his decision was and I also played a little bit of the "what if" person or "devil's advocate" trying to make sure he had thought of all the little things, to make sure he wouldn't regret his decision at a later time. It was definitely not a last minute decision and there was a TON of conversations had between us about the topic! In the end we are both happy and comfortable with our decisions! I swear once our decisions were all made it was like a huge weight lifted off our shoulders!

Good Luck!

KrystalDawn · July 11, 2012

Thank you. I really do agree with you. I am going to leave it to him and I know he is pretty much 99.9% decided on not sending them an invitation. I think I need to not worry about it and move on with my planning. Thanks for your story--it's nice to know I'm not the only one with this dilemma!

Peach · July 17, 2012

Oooh, very tricky.

With his mom, could you two invite her but NOT offer to pay for her to come? Just not even make it an option. Chances are, you said she wouldn't be able to afford it, so she won't come anyway. Then that also takes away some of the drama for his sister to come too.

But, at the end of the day, it should be his call.

There are family members I am not inviting... upon requests from my parents. And, in fact, I might not have ANY family there at all. But I want to make sure it is their call not to come, not mine.

I guess I would just make sure that your FI won't end up regretting it. But if he is sure, then go along with it and don't stress about it. This is about the two of you... no one else.

Another question... are you have an AHR? If so, they could maybe come to that? A compromise possibility, anyway.

wallabymeisje · August 11, 2012

i agree it is his choice i understand you dont want to start your new life together with issues but it is his call i would trust your FI and his ability to make this decision