hi ladies -
so I was just discussing with my mom my reluctance to change my last name to that of my FI's and she kept lecturing that it was a PRIVILEDGE to take his last name and how could I possibly not want that. thing is, ours will be his second marriage. his ex (with whom he has two children) TOOK and KEPT his last name (I'm sure for reasons of the kids than harboring any desire to reconcicle, but ARGH!!).
sure, I'm not crazy about his last name, but I'd definitely feel differently if I had first dibs. now, taking the name lumps me in with the lot of them - his kids, his ex wife and his father (who has been cordial but aloof). and while all of this is expected, I'm still beyond frustrated about the situation. it's just another thing in a long list (including the opportunity to have children) that has already happened before me and so simply isn't met with the same sort of optimism and wishful thinking as first-time newlyweds.
we love each other so much, and I think it's normal that these things come up. I don't know if my reaction is in line or if other second wives have viewed it in a completely different light. I don't see it as a priviledge to take his name, I see it as insulting to be linked with his ex.
what I'd love is neutral territory, changing BOTH of our last names to a hybrid combination of them (which actually sounds awesome and has great meaning). but we can't, #1 because of the kids and #2 because he is the only living son (his older brother passed away). jokingly, I've told friends that I'm not changing my last name because it feels like he's colonizing, but deep down, it really does make me cringe.
is there anyone out there who hasn't thought about this and/or is completely un-bothered by it? please let me know - I'd love to hear your thoughts on it (totally ok to tell me I'm overreacting, too ; )