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AnnCam2011

Help! Mother of the Groom wants to wear WHITE!

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So I get a phone call last night from my soon to be mother in law. She wanted to know if I was OK if she wears a white linen dress to our wedding in 2 weeks. ACK *sputter* what?! A white dress, really? First of all, why would you even ask when you know my answer will probably be no? Secondly, if I tell her no, she will be completely put off and I will be the b!tch. Thirdly, how do I tell  her no when she gets put off by something so easily? She wants me to be up front with her, but whenever she asks for an "opinion" (from anyone at all), & she already knows what the answer will be, and doesn't like it and doesn't want to hear it.

 

Anyone else run into this? Have times changed and is it OK for a guest (particularly, the Mother of the Groom, for Heaven's sake) to wear white to a destination wedding?

 

I don't want her to wear white - it's my day (sorry, but it is) to wear white. I want her to come up with the right choice on her own, but if I tell her no, I am the bad guy.

 

Help!BangHead.gif

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Some people are odd aren't they? Have you ever been to a wedding!?! since when is it even close to ok for someone other than the bride to wear white??

 

if she's really going to FREAK out and ruin your day, just let her do it. she'll look like the rediculous one in white. It won't take the focus off of you. Everyone will still know who the bride is! (And just tell yourself you'll look prettier anyway LOL)

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I agree that you should inlist your fiance to tell his mother that it is never acceptable (regardless of traditional or destination wedding) for any guest to wear white.  If it were me speaking to my mother about something like that I would feel comfortable saying something like "and you knew it wasn't okay or you wouldn't have asked the question".  She needs to save that white dress for dinner another night of the vacation.

 

If the dress has a print on top of white, that is a different story - but all white is unacceptable.  Best of luck.

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Yikes!!! that would bug me too. What was your initial response to her when she called? did you tell her it was OK or you would have to think about it?

 

people are SO weird. My friend ran into the same thing when she was getting married with her mother in law. She did tell her how she felt and she would prefer she NOT where white and everything worked out in the end

 

keep us posted!

 

Originally Posted by AnnCam2011 View Post

So I get a phone call last night from my soon to be mother in law. She wanted to know if I was OK if she wears a white linen dress to our wedding in 2 weeks. ACK *sputter* what?! A white dress, really? First of all, why would you even ask when you know my answer will probably be no? Secondly, if I tell her no, she will be completely put off and I will be the b!tch. Thirdly, how do I tell  her no when she gets put off by something so easily? She wants me to be up front with her, but whenever she asks for an "opinion" (from anyone at all), & she already knows what the answer will be, and doesn't like it and doesn't want to hear it.

 

Anyone else run into this? Have times changed and is it OK for a guest (particularly, the Mother of the Groom, for Heaven's sake) to wear white to a destination wedding?

 

I don't want her to wear white - it's my day (sorry, but it is) to wear white. I want her to come up with the right choice on her own, but if I tell her no, I am the bad guy.

 

Help!BangHead.gif



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Ok... the other day I was at my mom's house and she showed me a dress she wants to wear for the ceremony.  It was white with black dots and a black trim. My answer: Mom, as this is my special day, you can go shopping and get a different dress.  I hope you understand that I want to be the ONLY one in white. 

 

she insisted it's not white, but said: ok, if you say so. Now we're plannig a trip to US to go shopping. 

 

I would just sit down and explain how you feel - politely from the heart. Say: mom, please don't be upset, but I would really appreciate if you did not wear the dress. This is a very special day for me, and the only thing I ask, is that I am the only bride on stage.  The dress you have is VERY pretty, and you can wear it whenever you want it, but it would mean a great deal to me if you did not wear it on our wedding day.

 

Don't stress over this - say it like it is. She can take it or leave it. If she doesn't take it well, that's when your FI steps in. 

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If you feel uncomfortable telling her directly, I agree that your FI needs to jump in and tell her that he only wants his bride wearing white.  But if he feels too uncomfortable, there is another way that you could potentially handle it.  In many etiquette books it says that the MOB and MOG should coordinate their outfits (mostly to make sure that they have matching skirt lengths-- it's kind of old fashioned, but many families still do this!).  If you can enlist your mom's help, you could say something like, "Funny you should ask about attire, because my mom was just going to call you!"  Your mother could lightly dismiss the idea of wearing white and be prepared to make other suggestions ("the bridal party is wearing light blue, so maybe we should stick with other pastels").  Just a thought!  Good luck!

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I would address it in such a way that you're not disagreeing with her or giving her anything to be able to get angry about:

 

I was envisioning you in blue which would match the corsage I ordered for you! What if you went with yellow?

 

I was hoping you would match my Mom. She's wearing coral. You in?

 

Seeing as how you don't look  a day over 35 you'll confuse people as to who's getting married. *followed by big cheezy grin*

 

If you wear white it might fade into the picture and we want to make sure and capture your presence at our special day. How about teal?

 

***The key to egotiating something like this is to give them a easy answer as to why not white but then immediatly followed up with an alternate suggestion. Then the argument isn't over the white because you're placing a new question in the way. Shut down the discussion on white, side track with a suggestion on a new color, aim for an immediate agreement (i.e. no more discussing the white)

 

 

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Great ideas, everyone! I did finally call her back and just said that I think it would be best if she found something else. Told her since I've been waiting for 12 years to marry her son, I should be the only one who gets to wear white that day. Surprisingly, she took it rather well and agreed with me. She knew the answer before she asked, but asked anyway so if I had said it was fine, she could tell people "the bride said it was OK" if anyone had questioned her choice. Put the faux pas back on me :)

 

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