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BeachBridein11

What's the Etiquette for this Situation?

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Just so I am understanding correctly, she was planning on coming to your wedding, but now that she is engaged, she is no longer going?  I can see how that is disappointing, and then to top it off she booked her wedding for a weekend when she knew you weren't available.  I think I can relate to both you and your friend.  It was really frustrating for me to find a date that worked for all the people close to me... I had to switch dates for things like my dad had a conference scheduled or it was super bowl weekend, lol.  Eventually, I was getting to the point where I was just like, screw it, I'm choosing this date and everyone else can just deal with it.  I fell in love with a specific venue (even though I still have never seen it in person!) and was not willing to compromise on it.  So, I can see where your friend is coming from... but like everyone else has already said, she cannot expect you to attend. 

 

I can definitely also see why you're frustrated with your friend... my cousin was planning on coming to my wedding, but she has since gotten engaged and no longer has any interest in going.  Not really sure why that is... maybe she'll be too busy with her own wedding planning or can no longer afford to go?  Either way, it was a little disappointing.  I'm trying to imagine if one of my best friends scheduled her wedding on a day I couldn't go, and sure, I would be upset.  But I don't think I would necessarily be upset with her.  I agree that you should go to the dinner and try to be happy for your friend.  People can be a little weird when it comes to weddings, so you don't want to ruin a friendship over something like this. 

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I don't fully understand why she's no longer coming to your wedding... is it so she can plan and afford her own?  If so, I think that's kinda messed up and super rude and selfish.

 

Like many other people said, if she chose the date knowing you wouldn't be able to go, then there's no way she should reasonably expect you to go.  If you want to try to salvage the friendship, apologize profusely for having to miss it (even though it's not your fault), get her a gift and be a part of the rest of the wedding stuff.  You've already made a promise to the other bride, and I think she would be hurt if she got bounced because a "better" offer came along. 

 

The proper etiquette for this situation is to keep your commitments.  If you give your word that you'll attend something, keeping it is always in the best taste.

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I have to be honest.  There were certain people (my wedding party included) that I made sure could attend before we set our date.  Based on what I'm hearing, it's sounding like you're not in that top priority group, so maybe you're not as close as you thought?  I'm not trying to be mean, I just know that if someone was important enough to be a bridemaid in my wedding, you'd better believe I'd make sure the date was open for them.  Sorry about this situation.

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Wow, I hope I'm not the only one that thinks your friend sounds like a d bag?? :( I'm no help, frankly I'd cut ties with her. :( But that's why I only have no girlfriends!! crybaby2.gif

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Before I set my wedding date, I checked with my potential brides maids, MOH etc... to make sure that they would be available on that particular date and that they would be able to take time off from work. Once I confirmed that everyone was available, I booked. I wanted to make sure that the people who are important to me would be able to stand by me on my BIG day.

 

With that said.... I agree with everyone else, just be happy for her and go to the celebratory dinner. Since you already have another wedding to attend on the same day as hers, which she's aware of, don't change your plans. I had a similar but different scenario. My cousin was asked to be a bridesmaid in one of my girlfriend's (Lisa) wedding. Another friend of ours (Maria) changed her wedding date to the same date as Lisa's. Because my cousin and I already had plans to attend Lisa's wedding, Maria couldn't be upset with us. So we declined Maria's invite and attended Lisa's wedding. 

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UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

So I sucked it up and went to the planned celebration.  Honestly, I was feeling better with the whole situation, just had the hurt feeling 'cause I knew I was going to be missing my friend's wedding.  Well she confirmed that she booked July 30th for her wedding, at the same time confirming that it was the only place she looked at/called on.  Okay, okay so it was happening, I was fine with it.

 

THE KICKER!!!!!!!

 

She went on to say that the only other day available was June 17th (my wedding date!).  She pointed out that it was my date, BUT right after she said, "We were going to go with the 17th, but my cousin is getting married the following weekend and we didn't want our families to have to go to 2 weddings in a row."  Are you friggin kidding me?!  That was her reason?!  The fact that it was my wedding date didn't deter you away from the date!!!!!  OMG I am so livid!!!!!!  It has definitely put me in my place on where I am in her eyes!!!  Yup, she seriously downgraded!!

 

UUUUUUGH!!  BTW, she still hasn't told me that she isn't coming to my wedding.... just heard it through people.

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