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am i being unreasonable?


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#31 Mkandola

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    Posted 19 July 2010 - 06:44 PM

    I really don't think you are being unreasonable in encouraging them to postpone their 'engagement' until after your wedding. But if for whatever reason, he does propose to her, then I think you just have to trust that she will have enough class to let you have your day without making it about her ... and if not, you'll just have to announce that you are pregnant on her wedding day!

    #32 jszy10

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      Posted 20 July 2010 - 09:30 AM

      I think this is so hard!!! Especially because this is a whole trip away for you! If you were at home, having a traditional wedding, it wouldn't be such an issue, but because this is being away and you get to celebrate your wedding for a few days (which is why I am so excited about my DW!!!!) it makes it harder. Maybe your FI can just sit hiim down and talk to him about it (I mean...he is the BM, so they should be pretty close?) and explain how much this trips means to you as you prepare to celebrate for your special day, maybe he will completely understand? I don't think it is harsh to ask him to wait until the day after

      Haha..have him tell his BM that she will be so much more hyped up after watching the two of YOU get married, that the morning after, at sunrise, she could just be blown away about how now SHE gets to plan hers!! hope that help!?! :o)

      #33 ~Nicole~

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        Posted 20 July 2010 - 10:09 AM

        Quote:
        Originally Posted by *Rachel*
        I can totally see it from the guy's perspective too- they are on an awesome vacation and he wants to take advantage of the romance and pop the question in a really cool vacation spot. Sounds like a romantic idea to me. Not everyone can go on vacations all the time, so I think DW brides sometimes have to remember that yes it is all about you, but the people that are going are also making some sacrifices to be there as well. After all, we are all dictating where they go on their vacation and how they are spending their free money.

        Anyways, I can understand your point too, but I think a wedding trumps an engagement. I could see people giving their congrats and well wishes, but an all out celebration that overshadows your wedding? I don't see that especially since all the guests are there for YOU.

        I guess if that were me on the wedding trip, I wouldn't be gushing to people I don't know really well and fanning my ring all over the place. Actually I'm not really like that anyways, but I can't see a lot of people acting that stupid. I mean- ya, it's exciting to get engaged, but I don't think it's THAT exciting to lose your brain and act like an idiot at someone's wedding.
        Ya I totally agree with Rachel. I think that you're worrying about this too much. Besides, you have to remember that your wedding is one day, not the whole week. You're going to be so caught up in your wedding and YOUR special moment that you probably won't even notice that chick. I just think that if he feels its the time to propose you shouldn't stop him. It sounds like a great opportunity for him!
        *Formerly Nikki07*
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        #34 carolina24

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          Posted 20 July 2010 - 11:15 AM

          i'm sorry but i think this is just TACKY!!!

          yes it's their vacation and yes they're going to be at a beautiful location but come on!!! they are there for YOUR wedding!! i think that your FI should tell his friend how you feel about this (even if you aren't supposed to know) maybe a girl's perspective would change his mind...i mean how do you think the gf will feel about it as well?? what a great story to tell.."yeah so we were there for a friends wedding when bob popped the question..." hum...NO NO NO!! this not only steals your thunder, but her's as well!! at the VERY LEAST he needs to wait till after the wedding. although in my opinion it shouldn't happen AT ALL on this trip!!
          can you tell im pissed for you, lol!!!

          as for the one about the friend proposing before the wedding and telling his then FI not to talk about it or wear her ring?!?!? WTF?? what is wrong with guys sometimes? could you imagine if your FI had proposed and said "but honey you can't talk about it or wear your ring till AFTER their wedding"...i would say try again when it's actually ok for me to be engaged!! this kinda highlights what i said before about stealing the thunder of the girl who gets engaged!

          #35 ~Nicole~

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            Posted 20 July 2010 - 11:24 AM

            Quote:
            Originally Posted by carolina24
            i'm sorry but i think this is just TACKY!!!

            yes it's their vacation and yes they're going to be at a beautiful location but come on!!! they are there for YOUR wedding!! i think that your FI should tell his friend how you feel about this (even if you aren't supposed to know) maybe a girl's perspective would change his mind...i mean how do you think the gf will feel about it as well?? what a great story to tell.."yeah so we were there for a friends wedding when bob popped the question..." hum...NO NO NO!! this not only steals your thunder, but her's as well!! at the VERY LEAST he needs to wait till after the wedding. although in my opinion it shouldn't happen AT ALL on this trip!!
            can you tell im pissed for you, lol!!!

            as for the one about the friend proposing before the wedding and telling his then FI not to talk about it or wear her ring?!?!? WTF?? what is wrong with guys sometimes? could you imagine if your FI had proposed and said "but honey you can't talk about it or wear your ring till AFTER their wedding"...i would say try again when it's actually ok for me to be engaged!! this kinda highlights what i said before about stealing the thunder of the girl who gets engaged!
            Carolina your post made me LOL! There's so much truth in it.... men just don't think sometimes. The bold part especially made me laugh. He probably has such good intentions..... poor guy haha.
            *Formerly Nikki07*
            My Planning Thread

            #36 simplnsweet

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              Posted 20 July 2010 - 12:03 PM

              thanks everyone for your comments and suggestions. I am happy to read that my opinion is not only felt by me but others as well....I will use this as my literature review LOL! and show my FI that I am not asking for much.

              #37 jajajaja

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                Posted 20 July 2010 - 12:09 PM

                I guess a main thing that may cause a lot of disagreement is that it seems a lot of brides here refer to "the wedding" as the whole week trip. I don't really see it as that. I saw our wedding as the day we exchanged vows and the rest of our trip as a time to celebrate and enjoy the time with all our loved one in one awesome vacation- it was our biggest vacation for TWO years, so it did dictate how we vacationed too. At times we all went off and did our own thing too and I know my DH and I snuck off to have some alone time too. I guess I don't see the big deal in someone having a private moment and getting engaged during the trip- of course, not on THE wedding because yes, that's not the best of ideas.

                I'd also be willing to bet that so many that have been waiting for a ring wouldn't think it's "tacky" for it to occur on a beautiful vacation that's focus is on the celebration of love. Would it be better if he just decided to skip the wedding and use that money on a different vacation so he CAN propose? I mean really- these people have a life to live too!
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                #38 Lite

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                  Posted 20 July 2010 - 12:17 PM

                  I would be annoyed as well. It's your wedding, the entire week should be about YOU.
                  We were going to his cousin's wedding on the Saturday, my ring arrived on the Thursday. We waited till Monday to officially get engaged because i did not want to steal her thunder. I just think it's common courtesy.

                  #39 Andi

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                    Posted 20 July 2010 - 12:23 PM

                    Quote:
                    Originally Posted by *Rachel*
                    I guess a main thing that may cause a lot of disagreement is that it seems a lot of brides here refer to "the wedding" as the whole week trip. I don't really see it as that. I saw our wedding as the day we exchanged vows and the rest of our trip as a time to celebrate and enjoy the time with all our loved one in one awesome vacation- it was our biggest vacation for TWO years, so it did dictate how we vacationed too. At times we all went off and did our own thing too and I know my DH and I snuck off to have some alone time too. I guess I don't see the big deal in someone having a private moment and getting engaged during the trip- of course, not on THE wedding because yes, that's not the best of ideas.

                    I'd also be willing to bet that so many that have been waiting for a ring wouldn't think it's "tacky" for it to occur on a beautiful vacation that's focus is on the celebration of love. Would it be better if he just decided to skip the wedding and use that money on a different vacation so he CAN propose? I mean really- these people have a life to live too!
                    well said Rachel!

                    Also, just as an observation on this thread, I find it interesting that most of the people saying that it isn't a big deal and that he should just propose are the married ladies. I guess after we have all lived through and enjoyed our weddings things like this just don't bother us as they would before hand when we were in total planning mode? I am trying to put myself in this situation as a B2B and not Mrs. and decide if I would have the same feeling on it, I *think* I would?

                    IMO, this is a small situation in the big picture of everything going on for your wedding and if I were you , I wouldn't waste anymore time stressing over it. People will do what they want and honestly who are you to try and stop them?

                    #40 boscobel

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                      Posted 20 July 2010 - 12:25 PM

                      Don't get me wrong, I'm all about it being tacky to get engaged AT someones wedding, but I don't see the problem with it before or after. And I'm kinda shocked at how many people really think that everyones entire vacation should revolve for the entire time around the wedding. You really think the entire week is about you (bride & groom)? Do you dedicate an entire week to every wedding that you go to? Then I don't really think it's fair to expect others to do the same.


                      Quote:
                      Originally Posted by Lite
                      I would be annoyed as well. It's your wedding, the entire week should be about YOU.
                      We were going to his cousin's wedding on the Saturday, my ring arrived on the Thursday. We waited till Monday to officially get engaged because i did not want to steal her thunder. I just think it's common courtesy.





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