feelin' blue

[Michelle-2]

Quote:

Originally Posted by starchild No No No No No...do not do it!! Sorry but your in laws are out of their minds for even suggesting that you take out a loan to have the AHR that they want. I can't believe they are serious...the nerve of them!! Let them be as mad or sad or sulky as they want but don't do it. I wouldn't even suggest you taking out a loan if you wanted to have the fancy AHR...but you don't, so definitely don't do it. This is why people grow to hate their in laws lol...hang in there and do what you want. They already got married. Your turn.

I totally agree with Starchild. I would not take out a loan to pay for an AHR that THEY want!! IMO, I think it is very wrong of them to ask this of you. I would talk it over with FI and if he wants to have the AHR, maybe a scaled down version, that you can afford, would be a good compromise. don't loose focus that this is YOUR day. Do what works for you and FI. Good luck!!

[rosieposie]

thanks so much ladies!!!!!!!! i'm still a bit down today but better than last night! Reading your kind words has definately picked me up.

 

my FI says we'll sit down and discuss all this with them this weekend....i'm dredding it. i have to remember to stay calm.

 

yes, i definately don't want to go into married life in debt with a loan! we do okay for ourselves, but okay means that we were budgeted for our DW! we don't have $25K to spare for a party!

 

i almost think this AHR is their way of "showing off" and parade us around like show dogs to their relatives....i know i shouldn't think that but the way they were parading us around at their neice's wedding was a preview.

 

as for receiving cash gifts, they are the norm with asian weddings, but we're not sure how much of that we can actually count on....and don't want to screw ourselves over.

 

uuugh, there i go getting upset again....well, i'll let you know how it goes....thanks again...

[Sapphire723]

I wholeheartedly agree with everyone else. A wedding is a bad investment even if it's your dream reception with everything exactly how you've always pictured it. The trade off there, is you're getting a dream come true in exchange for a buttload of money.

 

In this case, however, you're getting diddly squat and flushing your money down the toilet. You wouldn't spend $25k so his parents could have a downpayment on the house they've always wanted, so why would you do it for their dream wedding?

 

I would politely tell them that you are investing your money in your future, and it's not an option for you to spend any more on the AHR. Then tell them that you understand completely if they do not feel the AHR is affordable and that you won't be hurt if it needs to be canceled.

 

Stick to your guns and don't let them guilt you! And seriously... WTF?

[islandbride317]

Quote:

Originally Posted by starchild No No No No No...do not do it!! Sorry but your in laws are out of their minds for even suggesting that you take out a loan to have the AHR that they want. I can't believe they are serious...the nerve of them!! Let them be as mad or sad or sulky as they want but don't do it. I wouldn't even suggest you taking out a loan if you wanted to have the fancy AHR...but you don't, so definitely don't do it. This is why people grow to hate their in laws lol...hang in there and do what you want. They already got married. Your turn.

I *heart* this girl -- preach on, sister!! "WTF" is right -- are these people completely out of their skulls?!?! WHY would you pay for it, when it's what THEY want, not you?!? THAT is close to the MOST ridiculous sh*t I may have ever heard!

If they want to dig deep into their pockets and fork out the cash for this extravaganza, fine, but they have ZERO right to ask you to pay for anything other than what you'd originally planned, particularly since you don't want a big reception in the first place. A $25K loan will take years to pay off -- do you really want to start out your marriage with that fully-unnecessary financial burden? Wouldn't you rather put that money toward a house, or something "tangible" instead of a party that will come and go in a day's time?

And let me echo starchild again by repeating a very EXCELLENT point she made: They already had their wedding day; now it's your opportunity to do things how YOU'D like -- period!

[Thomasjsgirl]

I think Sapphire got it right! Throw the whole stinking idea right back into their laps.

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sapphire723 Then tell them that you understand completely if they do not feel the AHR is affordable and that you won't be hurt if it needs to be canceled.   ?

And, I'm glad that your FI understands you need to present a united front. In fact, HE should be doing the talking because they are his parents, not yours, and he needs to set them straight.

[rosieposie]

uuuggghh tomorrow is THE DAY, we're going to talk to them about this whole mess. when i think about talking about this with them, my head hurts

 

but some of my vistaprint stuff arrived! yay!

 

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by Thomasjsgirl I think Sapphire got it right! Throw the whole stinking idea right back into their laps.       And, I'm glad that your FI understands you need to present a united front. In fact, HE should be doing the talking because they are his parents, not yours, and he needs to set them straight.

i'm totally going to let HIM do the talking!!! i'll just sit there for support.....UNLESS things get a bit ugly.....

 

YUP. if they don't plan to pay for it - we're not going through with it. if they think it's too expensive THEY should take a loan out for it. WTF is RIGHT.

 

thanks everyone. i'll let you know how this goes down.

 

ugghh, after this i might be one of those ppl who doesn't like going to their in-laws......

[Mrs Price 2010]

Whooo!! I can't believe your in-laws are encouraging you to go into debt for your wedding! That's no way to start your married life - money causes some huge arguement with all couples, imagine if you had 25k worth of debt as well!

 

Make sure you stand your ground - this is your day not there's!

 

Good luck! x

[hat0112]

Quote:

Originally Posted by rosieposie uuuggghh tomorrow is THE DAY, we're going to talk to them about this whole mess. when i think about talking about this with them, my head hurts but some of my vistaprint stuff arrived! yay! i'm totally going to let HIM do the talking!!! i'll just sit there for support.....UNLESS things get a bit ugly..... YUP. if they don't plan to pay for it - we're not going through with it. if they think it's too expensive THEY should take a loan out for it. WTF is RIGHT. thanks everyone. i'll let you know how this goes down. ugghh, after this i might be one of those ppl who doesn't like going to their in-laws......

I am very curious on how the talks went. Any updates?

[starchild]

Quote:

Originally Posted by rosieposie uuuggghh tomorrow is THE DAY, we're going to talk to them about this whole mess. when i think about talking about this with them, my head hurts

So how did it go?

[rosieposie]

Thanks for asking

sorry, my laptop is messed up, so i'm computer-less at home right now. Stupid Vista. Then I tried to post 2 times now and lost my post both times because I took too long to type (sneaking in here at work).

 

 

So the whole discussion was quite tense, there was some shouting...i mostly stayed quiet and let FI do the talking/shouting....not my parents afterall. We stood firm, but so did they...we told them we were not going borrow money just to throw a party they want, end of story. They just kept saying "but you'd make it back at the end of the night". I know most our friends and family would be giving monetary gifts, but it's hardly something we want to count on! You just never know. They insisted that if we didn't have it, then no one would give us a gift or money, but we don't care about that! We don't want these people to think we're just throwing a party to get their money, we just want a happy wedding - ON THE BEACH IN MEXICO!

 

SO, after what seemed like eternity we finally came down to them "fronting" the money for the reception's food, booze and tips. Any monetary gifts received would be used on paying for that. They would cover the difference and if there was anything left after that, we would get it (I'm DEFINATELY not counting on extra money being left over).

 

We would be responsible for a photographer and favours.....maybe a dance floor rental and DJ (FI and I contemplating, but they left it up to us).

No decorations, no flowers, no cake and no band.

 

What an exhasting experience! I must say, although I hate to, this has left me with an uncomfortable feeling towards my future in laws. i don't want it to be there but can't help it. i hope that goes away after everything is done.

I'm really a posivitive and happy person normally! This wedding experience has me stressed out and emotional!

 

From the botttom of my heart, I thank you ladies for your kind words and support. You took the time out to read my vent and post something and that means a lot.

 

 

See you around!

I'm sending good vibes your way!!!