Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
jenninjamaica

Ahr vent!!!

Recommended Posts

I am so frustrated that I want to scream! I hate being the centre of attention and that's why my FI and I decided to have a DW, so it could be small without offending anyone. But his mom keeps trying to make us have a big deal and its driving me crazy! On Saturday we asked my brother and his gf if we could host a party at their new place to celebrate our wedding with those who couldn't make it to Jamaica. The idea being a casual BBQ/marshmallow roast, and just BYOB. Nothing fancy, not really an AHR, just a party with some family and friends.

 

Well Sunday FI's parents are mad because they have already booked a space at a park for a BBQ with 300 people! When they told me I just started crying. Its so NOT what I want and I've explained it so many times that I can't believe they've done it anyway. My anxiety level is so high I'm afraid I will make myself sick. FI knows how I feel, but thinks its the same idea, and doesn't think that many people will come, so I should just let them do it because weddings are for the family, not just us. But I disagree because everything has been about his mom from the very beginning.

 

I don't know what to do. Just needed to vent!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

hey jenn, sorry that your feeling this way over your FI's parents trying to push something on you...you have to remember that it is YOU that is getting married and not them and ultimately if you dont want something or do not feel comfortable with their idea you shouldnt have to do it. I think that you guys should definitely go thru with your original idea of the smaller get together, because this is something that you are going to remember forever and you are not going to be happy if you go along with their plans just to please them.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I understand what you mean I want to do something small too.

 

If you FMIL already booked the space then tell her you only want a small amount of ppl there if all you want is 50 say 30 because we all know how some people like to over invite and sit down with her and make the list and let her know that you would really like it to be an intimate setting.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Oh i really feel for you - as although i come across as a confident person within my group of friends - i do not like being centre of attention. You will only make yourself ill with all the worry and stress if you dont try and sort this out soon. If you get on well with your FMIL why not suggest sitting down and putting a list of people together for your party and you cap the number to what you feel comfortable with. Weddings are for families but it is also YOUR wedding it is entirely up to you how you decide to celebrate and those closet to you who know you well wouldnt want to see you feeling uncomfortable as it would make the guests feel uncomfortable as well when it should be a time to celebrate.

I hope you manage to sort it out xx

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

jenn, i know how you feel. I'm in the same boat except it's my mom that keeps pushing. I've told her many times I don't want anything and i finally gave in after her endless nagging. I wish I wouldn't have. I just want to cry everytime she asks me about it.

 

We already have alot of issues. So I feel if I told her no and insisted on it, it would completely distroy our relationship.

 

You're not alone.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Sorry Jenn! Maybe you should try to talk to your husbands mom yourself and just explain that you really feel uncomfortable in large groups and ask that she reconsider just having a small backyard event so you don't feel out of place the entire time. Good luck.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Jenn - I'm so sorry to hear about what you are going thru and I'm sure a lot of brides on here, including myself can understand how it feels to have family members forcing their ideas on you when it comes to a DW. You said that you started crying when FI's parents told you about it....how did they react to that? If I told someone something and they started crying I would just feel terrible and would def take that as a hint that the other person did NOT like what I told them. I can't believe that they would want to go thru with the big party, knowing how unhappy you are about it sad.gif

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm sorry to hear that. I can totally relate though... my future MIL is the same with us. Our wedding is 10 months away and she is already driving me nuts. She wants a big extravagant wedding and neither of us want that. It's just not us.

 

I think you need to go throught with what you and your fiancé want. It's your day, after all!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 

Tell her its YOUR day and to back off!  If you don't want a lot of people, then so be it! That angers me that she's sabatoging what you want! 

 

I would do it how you want and send out your own invitations for whatever and wherever you like! 

 

Hang in there sista! :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey Ladies. I find myself in a similar position, but its my mother...not mother-in-law who has her own ideas about the reception.  I have pulled back completely from sharing details with her for now (we still have lots of time to go) and politely told her that a whole other wedding back at home was neither in our budget NOR in our plans.  I told her that the reception was on the back burner for now and that it would be a casual celebration.  She seems to have backed off for now.  I initially tried to explain to her our reasons for wanting a destination wedding, but that didnt work very well. She seems to have her own agenda, or feel that a wedding is mostly for the family. Shes even insinuated that we are doing what our friends want, but not our family.  For me personally, its about a celebration of our commitment to each other.  Others being there is just a bonus.  I feel for you! Keep your chin up!

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  


  • Best Destination Wedding Sponsors



    Facebook Pinterest Google+ Twitter
  • Posts

    • we ended up using Facebook messenger when we were in Mexico - the hotel had free wifi and at least 1 person from each family/couple had FB on their phone already - it was pretty easy to communicate among guests "hey, we're heading to the beach bbq for lunch." or "everyone is hanging at the small pool today".  a plus was that some people tried to get a hold of me via FB on the day of the wedding and I was totally not checking my phone - they were asking if the wedding was outside given the rain forecast, thankful my mom, MOH and a few other friends were on the group and could respond for me :) 
    • Are you looking for a guide where you’ll find many tips and steps to follow to make your wedding a success? We design a special for you, where you will find: Photography Tips To-Do List Check list How to choose the best dress? Memories and invitations And much more! Download it now for free from: http://emweddings.com/WeddingGuide/index.html     Don’t stress. Enjoy every moment, tomorrow will be your best memories. See you soon!
    • Another option is to find an app that allows for group talk. This Wedding Party App looks pretty neat. https://apracticalwedding.com/wedding-party-app/ 
    • Hi Everyone, So, I was cleaning out my closet and realized that I never sold off my extra wedding OOT bag stuff from our wonderful DW.   46 Daily Spanish for Dummies 30 Pool colored OOT fabric bags - approximately 13in x 13in. They lay flat.  I used them for our wedding and they were perfect for everything we needed to fit in each bag. There’s a slight shade variation in the group; I’m guessing some were cut from a different bolt of fabric.  They are also a little wrinkled from storage and will probably be wrinkled from shipping. I have three additional ones, but they somehow got something on them (likely toddler related). If needed, I can try to wash it out and send those as well. 
    • I’m getting married in six months to my foreign girlfriend. I was advised by a friend that one of the things I need to do before saying I do is to get a prenuptial agreement. Basically it’s supposed to protect my assets and properties in case my relationship with my future wife goes down the drain. I don’t know though if this is an acceptable practice when marrying Kiev ladies. I don’t want to do it if it would be insulting on her end. I need advice on this. Please help me.
  • Topics

×