DAY 1 - OF LIVING WITH FMIL
OK so I've been at work since 7.20am just because I needed to get out of the house and avoid FMIL...yes it has been that bad and sorry I need to vent!!!!
So FI picks me up from work yesterday, we go straight to his mums house to pick her up and he has to pull up all the carpets as well because they are getting dumped tomorrow. So FI goes straight upstairs to make a start and i'm sitting with FMIL in the kitchen, I swear I wasn't even there 10 minutes and she looks at me and says horrified "OMG Charmaine, what has happened to your hair, it is really thinning, you can practically see your scalp on top" ...well what do you say to that, I didn't even realise there was a problem with my hair, but how lovely of FMIL to point out (she is a hairdresser by the way) so I just mumbled somethng about being stressed with work and day to day life so maybe that's the reason. She then recommended some herbal tablets from Holland & Barrettt that make your hair grow...I just say, erm thanks!!!
After about 1/2 hour of being there we got on to talking about the wedding and I was telling her all the things i've put deposits down for. She asked if i had found a cake yet and I said no but i know what kind of style i want, something simple, not too fussy, but still pretty, i said we've got a few friends/family that make wedding cakes so we're going to look through there portfolio's. She then said to me "Well what i'm going to do is when I come over for the wedding i'm going to bring a wedding cake from St Lucia, the lady that made mine is just amazing"...wtf did i not just say that we were getting a cake and how the f is she going to get a wedding cake over from St Lucia????...I said to her thank you for the offer but like i said we're going to get one made so we'll already have a cake. To which she replied "Yes I know sweetie, but this one is going to be a St Lucian cake and it will look and taste amazing, and besides it will be my present to you both"...I said yes but the one that we will have made will be beautiful too because I would have chosen it so it will be exactly what I want and then she said "well then now you'll have two to put on the cake table won't you"....grrrrr i decided it best to give up at the point.
Anyway we get all her things together and eventually go to our flat, my cousin is waiting for me outside with her daughter, I introduce them and we all go inside. FI goes in the bedroom to have a shower and get changed, I ask if anybody wants a glass of wine and FMIL says yes, btw i've given wine up for lent so I don't have one, and my cousin says no i'm alright thanks to which i whisper to her, i'll give you 5 minutes and you'll be downing the bottle and she gives me a look as if to say Oh she can't be that bad!! Anyway the 3 of us are in the kitchen and then the next minute she practically shouts to my cousin "Oh sweetie, what has happened to your hair" (my cousin has her hair scraped back in a ponytail), my cousin is like what do you mean?? and looks at me, I just smile back at her as if to say I told you so. FMIL then proceeds to say "Well honey it has really thinned out at the sides I mean I can see where you've tried to syle it so it doesn't show but the bald part is quite evident, you really should stop pulling your hair back so tight, i've given Charmaine the name of some herbal tablets that help your hair grow, i'd highly recommend them for you too"....well my cousin didn't know what to say and i just pmsl (well inside) . Then my cousin said, actually Char I will have a very large glass of wine....and i thought sod lent I need a drink so we ended up going to my bedroom and finishing the bottle!!
My cousin went so it was just me, FMIL, FI as my daughter was at choir paractice until 9pm. we then got onto the subject of my daughter and she was saying how much she has changed over the years (more confusion as you've never even spoken more than 10 words to my daughter), she then asked what star sign she was and i said Libra....hmmmmmm she says....well wtf does hmmmmm mean, so I ask her. She then proceeds to babble on about how librans are very self absorbed people, they're quite selfish and into themselves, spend most of their time looking in the mirror and then adds but in a good way don't take it offensively........i just smile sweetly and say, yes she is a wonderful daughter and what teenage girls isn't self absorbed and spends all their time looking in a mirror, but selfish she most definitley isn't!!!
We then got back onto the wedding and i was showing her the drapes and how they transform the room and was telling we'd really like it but we're not sure if the budget can stretch because they are really expensive but we're going to try...she then asked how much it costs and i said i'm getting quoted about £2000...she then goes "hmmmm well that's not bad really is it when you said expensive i thought you meant in the region of £5,000".....what i wanted to say was "IF I'TS NOT THAT F*%$KING EXPENSIVE WHY DON'T YOU OFFER TO CONTRIBUTE TO OUR WEDDING AND BUY THE DRAPES INSTEAD OF BRINGING US A F*%$KING CAKE WHEN WE'LL ALREADY HAVE ONE!!!!!!!!! what i did was smile and go to my bedroom.
I'd also just like to point out that after careful examination over a bottle of wine there is nothing wrong with either my cousins or my hair and although we found a few grey hairs there were no bald patches.
Be sure to log on tomorrow for DAY 2 - OF LIVING WITH FMIL!!!