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Crazy MIL - help!


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#11 bride7474

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    Posted 20 April 2010 - 01:10 PM

    The last time my FI asked his mom to STFU, they didn't speak to us for months. I thought it was fantastic - he didn't so much! LOL

    #12 *HOLLY*

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      Posted 20 April 2010 - 01:12 PM

      HAHAH does it come with a veil,
      At times it does get to be too much but as long as you and your FI are on the same page it will be fine. Hang in there and dont pull back! Sorry for my multi short posts but ugh IL's drive me nutz!

      #13 *HOLLY*

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        Posted 20 April 2010 - 01:15 PM

        When did the STFU same thing for us no talking for about a month it was great. Then we had to have a "family meeting." Totally blew and nothing came out of it other than we were not budging. This is who I am and I will not change for no one. My husband loves me for me.

        #14 vdaybride

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          Posted 20 April 2010 - 01:18 PM

          My MIL is worse than yours!! I really feel for you, but listen to this!

          My MIL found an old girlfriend from 10 years ago and invited her over to her house. She sat her down and let her know that FI and I were about to go away and get married and that if she wanted to "let him know how she feels" that she should let him know soon. This "woman" and I use the term loosely wrote a love letter professing her love and how she never got over him and that he should give her another chance!! Guess what the MIL from HELL did... she called my FI over and suggested that he "come alone." SHe hand delivered the note and told him to "find a quiet place and read this, it's important." WTF!?!? Who does that!? Not just because of that, but for a series of unfortunate events, we don't even speak anymore. It was just my great luck that her flight was cancelled due to an awful snow storm and she missed the wedding. I know that this seems cruel, but this woman has been a true thorn in my side. I imagine if she made it she too would have worn a white dress.. pure evil. We have been married for over 2 months and she has YET to call to say congrats or hey dog, welcome to the family. I nicely sent a card with our pic on it saying..."Introducing the ____, our wedding date, location" I then wrote on the bottom of the card.. "Thank you so much for welcoming me into the family" I put this in the mail last week :). She lives in Atlanta and we live in NY. I am sure he got an earful when she received it :). He knows NOT to come to me with her negative bull.

          I shared my tragic MIL story to show you that it could always be worse! I hope that FI will stick by your side and tell her the white dress in NOT an option for her. Good luck! Sending cyberhugs for you.
          Married 2-14-2010 Dreams, Los Cabos

           


          #15 bride7474

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            Posted 20 April 2010 - 01:23 PM

            Quote:
            Originally Posted by vdaybride
            My MIL is worse than yours!! I really feel for you, but listen to this!

            My MIL found an old girlfriend from 10 years ago and invited her over to her house. She sat her down and let her know that FI and I were about to go away and get married and that if she wanted to "let him know how she feels" that she should let him know soon. This "woman" and I use the term loosely wrote a love letter professing her love and how she never got over him and that he should give her another chance!! Guess what the MIL from HELL did... she called my FI over and suggested that he "come alone." SHe hand delivered the note and told him to "find a quiet place and read this, it's important." WTF!?!? Who does that!? Not just because of that, but for a series of unfortunate events, we don't even speak anymore. It was just my great luck that her flight was cancelled due to an awful snow storm and she missed the wedding. I know that this seems cruel, but this woman has been a true thorn in my side. I imagine if she made it she too would have worn a white dress.. pure evil. We have been married for over 2 months and she has YET to call to say congrats or hey dog, welcome to the family. I nicely sent a card with our pic on it saying..."Introducing the ____, our wedding date, location" I then wrote on the bottom of the card.. "Thank you so much for welcoming me into the family" I put this in the mail last week :). She lives in Atlanta and we live in NY. I am sure he got an earful when she received it :). He knows NOT to come to me with her negative bull.

            I shared my tragic MIL story to show you that it could always be worse! I hope that FI will stick by your side and tell her the white dress in NOT an option for her. Good luck! Sending cyberhugs for you.

            All I can say is WOW!! That is INSANE!! I can't believe she did that!!!!! I would have flew off the handle. I've been able to compose myself so far, but that would be the end of it!

            #16 carolina24

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              Posted 20 April 2010 - 01:40 PM

              OMG your MIL is a complete (word i shouldnt say)!!!

              I will tell you from experience that your FI needs to stop this entire situation right now, I mean like TODAY! he needs to sit down with his mom and firmly explain to her that you are #1 in his life and she has to respect you or she can forget about him. I know that sounds horrible BUT its the ONLY thing that works in these situations. she's crossed the line WAY to much!!! she should have never ruined your engagement...to me, that's the worst of it.

              My father's mom was like this with my mom, saying things, ruining moments, the dress code for their wedding was black tie (tux only), very formal (my moms dad was a prominent attorney) and grandma called the men on her side of the family and made them wear navy suits!!! then she went to my mom's dad's funeral in a red dress!! i mean the list goes on and on....this ALWAYS caused major fights b/t my parents b/c although my dad would stop it when he witnessed the situatuions, it still continued to happen if he wasn't there. it wasn't until 5 years ago (23 years into their marriage) that he finally put her in her place. but it's too late b/c my mom doesnt talk to her anymore and she isn't welcomed at my parents house when she comes to the states!!

              mom's are afriad to not be the #1 woman in their son's lives, so they act completely crazy and do hurtful things. the only way to break this is for the son to set firm ground rules and follow through with them. DO NOT let his brother come to your legal wedding!!

              sorry but this got me so fired up, this should be the happiest time of your life and NO ONE needs to ruin it!!!

              #17 bride7474

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                Posted 20 April 2010 - 01:48 PM

                Quote:
                Originally Posted by carolina24
                OMG your MIL is a complete (word i shouldnt say)!!!

                I will tell you from experience that your FI needs to stop this entire situation right now, I mean like TODAY! he needs to sit down with his mom and firmly explain to her that you are #1 in his life and she has to respect you or she can forget about him. I know that sounds horrible BUT its the ONLY thing that works in these situations. she's crossed the line WAY to much!!! she should have never ruined your engagement...to me, that's the worst of it.

                My father's mom was like this with my mom, saying things, ruining moments, the dress code for their wedding was black tie (tux only), very formal (my moms dad was a prominent attorney) and grandma called the men on her side of the family and made them wear navy suits!!! then she went to my mom's dad's funeral in a red dress!! i mean the list goes on and on....this ALWAYS caused major fights b/t my parents b/c although my dad would stop it when he witnessed the situatuions, it still continued to happen if he wasn't there. it wasn't until 5 years ago (23 years into their marriage) that he finally put her in her place. but it's too late b/c my mom doesnt talk to her anymore and she isn't welcomed at my parents house when she comes to the states!!

                mom's are afriad to not be the #1 woman in their son's lives, so they act completely crazy and do hurtful things. the only way to break this is for the son to set firm ground rules and follow through with them. DO NOT let his brother come to your legal wedding!!

                sorry but this got me so fired up, this should be the happiest time of your life and NO ONE needs to ruin it!!!
                Wow, I really appreciate your advice. FI and I had a huge talk about it the other night. The last time he sat his mom down and told her to back off and that I am number one, we didnt speak to her for months. But now that we are all back on good terms, it is all starting to happen again.

                I know that FI needs to talk to her again, its just hard because we know she will fly off the handle again. (i dont mind, but he does).

                My parents have met FIs parents a few times too. The first time they met, my MIL told my mom that I am the reason her two sons don't talk anymore. My parent's are just as appauled by the things that come out of my MILs mouth as I am lol.

                I can NOT believe your MIL did that to the black tie wedding. That's outrageous! If my MIL does end up wearing the white dress at my wedding, I know that she will be the one looking ridiculous.

                #18 mjm

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                  Posted 20 April 2010 - 02:02 PM

                  Wow that is tough to deal with- but think about the bigger picture as she already is- ' a twin for her?'

                  Maybe long after the wedding- think about developing some kind of relationship with her as she needs to know what she can and can not do to you because if you don't then you give her free reign to do what ever she feels. From your vent she seems to have some real boundary issues and you just dont want these things to bleed into you married life. Keep calm and dont let her succeed!

                  #19 amygirl1169

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                    Posted 20 April 2010 - 02:20 PM

                    hehehe I think there should be a sticky thread on MIL stories.. (maybe there is?) I'm sure we could all share a story or two...

                    Luckily I hardly see my dear FMIL as she lives in another province, but the first time I went to visit and meet her, we were all sitting around the dinner table playing cards and FI said, 'So what do you think of Amy?'

                    Most normal people would just lie regardless how they felt... but she says: 'Well, to be honest... she's too quiet for my liking'. :-0

                    I was too quiet because the entire trip I was trying to hide in our room with the windows open to escape from the nasty cigarette smoke that filled their entire house, that they tried to cover up with industrial sized airfreshners in every room that sprayed on you every 30 seconds...

                    I should've told her what I thought of her right back!

                    #20 *HOLLY*

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                      Posted 20 April 2010 - 02:27 PM

                      WOW this stories just get under my skin. I hope to GOD I will never be like that.




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