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Energy vampires & miserable people - a rant

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#1 starchild



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    Posted 28 July 2007 - 12:24 PM

    The mother of our godchild is what I call an energy vampire. Being around her is so draining! We love our godchild so that's the only reason we still maintain this friendship with the mother - it's not the poor kid's fault she was born to weirdos. I met her at work years ago and for some reason we starting hanging out. She used to go from one bad relationship to another and was hard enough to deal with then, but now she is just stuck in the same bad relationship and is such a downer. She's a complainer and her vibe is almost sleep inducing sometimes. Her baby's daddy drinks like a sailor but at least he pays the bills, that's a step up for her. They asked us to be the godparents and while we hate being tied to them, we love the little girl so they roped us in.

    So when we announced our engagement she acted happy for us but I could so see the envy in her eyes. She's been trying to find someone to marry her for years and after she had her baby she just knew the guy would marry her. Well he didn't but at least he stuck around...so far. We invited them to the wedding and she said they had noone to watch the baby. We said it was no problem to bring her, then she said it was too expensive. I get that, whatever, didn't miss them at the wedding at all. The first contact after we get back was a phone call and all she said was "I was wondering when you were coming back". No how was the trip, how is Will, how was your wedding. Still, whatever.

    So we throw a b-day party for our godchild a few weeks ago since she is too lame to organize a trip to the store let alone plan a 2 year old's party. While everyone was at the pool, Will & I sneak inside for 2 minutes of us time. We're sitting on the couch talking and she comes inside like "Oh, there you are. I know you're newleyweds but you can't be all in here lovey-dovey, it's making me jealous". She laughed like it was a joke but it really wasn't. Anyway we took pictures of the party and she wanted me to email them, fine. Will says "Have you seen our wedding pictures yet?" And she says "No, send those to me too." I do and the other day I was checking my kodak account where you can see who opened what album when. This chick looked at the bday photos but didn't open the wedding album to see even one photo. Not a one!

    I look at BDW photo albums of people I don't even know because I'm happy for them and hey - I'm a regular person. Other people's joy doesn't cause me pain. She is too miserable to be happy for us. Too miserable to even fake it. Our poor godchild - we try to take her as much as possible so she can see what it's like to be in a joyful house. Sorry this got really long...any miserable energy vampires in your life?

    #2 Martha

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      Posted 28 July 2007 - 12:32 PM

      It sucks that you can't really drop her as a friend.

      I had someone in my life like that once...I dropped her a%% a few months ago. 12 years of being best friends down the drain.

      Maybe you should call her and ask her if she liked the wedding pictures!

      #3 starchild



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        Posted 28 July 2007 - 12:34 PM

        Originally Posted by Just Martha
        It sucks that you can't really drop her as a friend.

        I had someone in my life like that once...I dropped her a%% a few months ago. 12 years of being best friends down the drain.

        Maybe you should call her and ask her if she liked the wedding pictures!
        lol...Maybe I will just for kicks :o)

        #4 amyh


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          Posted 28 July 2007 - 12:38 PM

          that is horrible that you are stuck in that situation! I would say run! But you are so close to the child and she's proborably the only stability you have. I guess you can still maintain that relationship with your godchild without needing to be around her mother or parents, ie, take her to a themepark, park, movies??

          I have a friend who is somewhat like that, however she is so negative about herself (life, work, body, family, relationship, etc) and she really doesn't so its really annoying to call and here her rant.

          #5 1elephant

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            Posted 28 July 2007 - 12:54 PM

            my best friend of 20+ years is like that too...she is SO negative about everything, it's incredibly draining to talk to her, let alone hang out...she wasn't always like this, just w/in the last 10 years (since she met her now-hubby)...it's very difficult to maintain the friendship...

            i think you should ask her if she liked the pics...when she answers, tell her flat out that you know she didn't look. see what she has to say then!

            #6 TracyK

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              Posted 28 July 2007 - 01:25 PM

              I agree, I would call her on it for sure. I would tell her you are able to see who has looked at your pictures and ask why your wedding pics weren't important enough to look at.
              That sucks to have a friend like that and love their child like you do. I am in a similar situation with my once best friend. Long ugly story, but I understand.

              #7 Nrvsbride

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                Posted 28 July 2007 - 01:41 PM

                Jamy that sucks. I'm sorry that she is so upset with her own life she didn't take 5 minutes out of her time to be happy for you and look at your pics. Even when I feel so miserable or sad I put all that aside for my friends happiness. I understand being sad or upset but we are supposed to be people's friends and we need to learn to put aside our own misery to share in the happiness of others. I'm glad your goddaughter has you and Will in her life.

                #8 NYJen

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                  Posted 28 July 2007 - 01:48 PM

                  I have known a TON of people in my life that are miserable and because of it, they cannot be happy for others. Yes, she's definitely jealous of you and your relationship with your husband and that you have your life together. I'm sure she can't bring herself to look at your pics because it will just remind her of what she doesn't have. But IMO that just means that she's not true friends. A true friend will be happy for you no matter what is going on in their own life.

                  I had a friend like that. We were BFF's for 14 years and then one day I couldn't take it anymore so I dumped her. Life for the past 7 years has been so much better without her and her negativity. (Even though she still stalks me - but that's another thread.)

                  #9 TammyWright


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                  Posted 28 July 2007 - 04:56 PM

                  i had a friend like this...as soon as i got engaged you could see how jealous she was...telling me "too bad no one will be able to make it to you wedding" (we had almost 60 people...stuff like that.

                  i finally had a good excuse to dump her and it was the BEST think i ever did...

                  no more having to make up excuses not to see her to dread when my phone rang...i was FREE!

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                  #10 starchild



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                    Posted 28 July 2007 - 05:41 PM

                    Wow I it looks like you all have/had this problem....I wish I could dump her like you did yours. I've come as close as I can - I don't invite her to our parties or house anymore. When she invites us over I totally ask if her daughter is up..lol...and if she invites us over late when I know she'll be asleep we don't go.

                    She's totally not a true friend, kind of what I call a surface friend. I never have or never would tell her my personal business, it's just never felt right. Shoot I tell you guys way more than her....lol. We were thrown when she asked us to be the godparents. We're not model citizens but I think we are the most decent,stable people they know. Will and I joke that when we buy a house we better keep an extra room for our godchild because when she's old enough to see how screwed she is she'll come running!

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